Ani pulled at the edge of the tablecloth on their high-top table and kept her eyes down. “That’s—big. That’s a lot for me to take in. But I also meant it, I can’t do this right now.” A ripple of courage urged her to look up at him. The shine of his eyes had dulled over, and she knew she was crushing his hopes. But she had to press on. “I’ve had a rough two years in the love-life department. She really wrecked me. And if that kiss is any indication…”
Say it, just tell him.
“…the damage you could cause me could be much worse.”
Raffi stepped back and took a deep breath. He stayed quiet for what seemed like forever.
Please say something, please say something, she silently pleaded.
Finally, he exhaled, nodding slowly. When he looked at her again, there was something softer there—no resentment, no frustration. Just understanding.
“Okay,” he said, his voice quieter now, steadier than she expected.
Then a gentle, “Okay, Ani jan. Let’s get you back home.”
And when he gave in like that, her heart very unexpectedly broke. She mourned—for what, though? For what could have been? No, she had to shut that away. The path with Raffi was almost certainly a path of ruin.
With that, they walked back to the car, then drove to his home, where she packed up her things with minimal conversation and left.
19
Raffi
Over the nextfew months, construction at the winery went smoothly, with Chris’s team working with effortful precision to get every last detail in place. The dome looked incredible, the sandstone along the floor blended seamlessly into the garden, and the fountain was progressing so quickly that even if they had to do the wedding next week, they could more or less pull it off.
Not only that, but Ô had had many new inquiries about wedding hosting. Raffi had conducted tours, shown the construction progress to prospective brides and grooms, and even booked three more weddings for the fall, after Kami and Grace’s. Ô was on the path to success.
And yet Raffi was deeply unhappy.
He stood in The Parker’s cold, gleaming empty gym, staring at himself in the mirror. He added twenty more pounds to his deadlift bar, pushing himself to a new high, hoping that the physical stress would help him deal with his mental stress. That’s how it worked, right?
Since the engagement party, every day he woke up, gotdressed, and wished for a text or call from Ani. He’d send her progress photos. She would give them a thumbs-up response or, if she was feeling very charitable, a “Thank you. That looks great.” He told her about the new bookings, thanking her profusely. She replied kindly but professionally. Once or twice she’d communicated that Sanan would be heading up to the site.
Raffi stood in front of the bar, let it hit his shins, and mentally prepared to lift.
Living this way was torture. Raffi was in an entirely new state of being. Before meeting Ani, he was fine. He was sad in a different way, he could admit to himself. The only thing that mattered before was making the winery a success, because his father, rocky as their relationship was, was the only person from his childhood who was still close to him. His mother wasn’t an option.
She wasn’t gone in the traditional sense, but she might as well have been. When she came home—briefly, elegantly, effortlessly detached—it was like a stranger waltzing into their home. After Sevan died, the woman who used to fuss over their meals, who used to sing old Armenian lullabies to help them fall asleep, who used to pull him and Sev into tight, smothering hugs—that woman disappeared. What was left behind was a ghost of a mother who never stayed long enough to be real.
He at least saw his dad and talked to him regularly. Sometimes, on their best days, they even made jokes and laughed. In those rare moments, Raffi felt like maybe there was something real between them. Something salvageable. And he wanted his father’s approval, to usher their relationship into something a little more friendly and a little less hierarchical.A relationship that wasn’t built solely on expectation and obligation. He still very much needed that.
But now he’d been flung into longing, hard and deep. He had not realized he could even feel this way about another person. Yes, years ago he’d been obsessed with Kami, but he wasn’t sure, in retrospect, how deeply they’d ever connected. With Ani, he wanted to be around her constantly, wanted to know everything about her, wanted to touch her everywhere. He had gotten one tiny taste at the engagement party, and his mind had just exploded.
Every day he woke up and wondered how he could possibly get through the day without Ani. He was well and truly fucked, in every sense but the literal.
He needed to tell her how he felt. But only if she was up to listening.
Raffi grasped the bar and pulled, the gnarled edges of the metal scraping against his legs. He exhaled deeply, heat surging up his neck, as the weight successfully reached his thigh. A new personal record; he’d done it. Now he needed to do that five more times.
He placed the weight on the floor when his phone pinged. He practically dove for it, hoping it was Ani. It was not, but it was close. Kami had group-texted Ani and Raffi in a chain she’d horrifyingly named “Kami’s Ex Krew, Hehe.” Frickin’ Kami.
Can I swing by next week to see how the construction is going? Ani said it’s nearly there but I want to see in person!! I’ll be in Napa next Thursday afternoon anyway. Lmk!
Just as Raffi was wondering if this meant Ani would come, too, she appeared to read his mind through the ether and responded,Great. I’ll be there.
Raffi was confident about the progress, so that aspect of the meeting didn’t worry him in the slightest. But getting to see Ani? That made his stomach flip.
He’d been dying to be near Ani again, aching for it like a man starved. And now that he had the chance? He was both delighted and scared shitless. Because at some point, he had to pull her aside, look her in those impossibly perfect eyes, and tell her exactly what she meant to him. Not in some half-assed, offhanded way. No, he had to lay it all out there. Tell her that she’d knocked the wind out of him, that she’d taken up permanent residence in his head, that his world was starting to rearrange itself around her.
