“You don’t.” Her voice is firm. “Stop being so damn hard on yourself and start living your life. Make choices for you, not because you’re worried about what I think or how it affects me.”
We stand on the trail, her arms wrapped around myshoulders, for a long moment. And I realize she’s right. I need to figure out my own life.
If only I knew how to do that.
“What am I going to do?” I whisper as I return her embrace. “About Felix and the baby.”
“What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know.” That’s the truth. “I stayed here because I wanted to see what kind of father he’d be with Ellie. To understand if...”
“If he could be a good father to your baby?”
“Sort of.” I wipe the back of my hand under my dripping nose. “But it’s more complicated than that. And it got even more complicated last night. We slept together again, and then this morning I told him about the baby.”
Sadie’s eyebrows shoot up. “Afteryou slept with him?”
“Not the best choice,” I admit with a watery laugh. “I guess I thought things were changing for him, but he’s still talking about finding Ellie a different family. And I can’t—” My voice breaks. “I don’t want to be with someone who’s looking for the exit before he’s even walked through the door.”
“Did you tell him that?”
I pull back. “Not yet. This morning was a lot. Even before you and Ian showed up.”
“Then that’s where you start.” Sadie links her arm through mine again, and we turn back toward the cabin. “Tell him what you need and give him a chance to show you who he is instead of assuming you already know.”
Can I do that? Do I even know what I need? “What if I tell him and he can’t give it to me?”
“At least you’ll know.” Her voice is gentle. “Then you figure it out from there. You’re stronger than you think, Pip.”
“I don’t feel strong.”
“The best things in life are usually hard,” Sadie says. “But they’re almost always worth it in the end.”
“Do you ever get sick of being so annoyingly perfect?” I ask, elbowing her gently.
She pretends to consider the question. “Not really.”
We walk in silence after that, and by the time we reach the cabin, I’m exhausted but also oddly clearer about what comes next. Maybe talking to Felix won’t be quite as terrifying as I thought.
Or maybe it’ll be worse. I guess I’m about to find out.
14
PIPER
Felix and Ianare in a standoff when we walk back into the kitchen—there’s no other word for it. Two football gods going toe-to-toe, all that strength and gridiron power vibrating between them. The testosterone in the room could choke a donkey.
Ellie’s nowhere to be seen, which means Felix managed to get her down for her nap despite how agitated she was for most of the morning. Small miracles and all that.
Ian is obviously pissed. His shoulders are about as relaxed as granite, and the way his jaw is clenched so tight, I’m surprised his teeth don’t crack. Felix looks just as irritated, probably because he thinks Ian is acting like a know-it-all pain in the ass, which could be the purview of older siblings everywhere.
This is some gladiator-coded shit, and I kind of hate that I find it hot.
“I have something to say.” My voice cuts through whatever silent battle they’re waging.
Felix’s deep blue gaze flicks to me, and he starts to take a step closer. “You don’t have to?—”
“I do.” I hold up a hand. “I’m done with secrets.”
