“I didn’t know that,” I say.
He sets the list back on the counter. I step closer and look at it, wishing she were here more than ever. “There are so many things she didn’t get a chance to do. She didn’t even finish this list. I probably won’t either.”
He nods. “That’s true for most people probably.”
“I’ve been doing it. Her list, I mean,” I tell him.
He smiles softly.
“I thought it would make me feel closer to her by doing all these things she wanted to do at my age, but I think it’s just made me miss having her here more.”
He pulls me into a hug, cradling my head against his chest. “She would have loved that you wanted to finish it for her. You two are so much alike.”
My throat tightens, and I swallow the lump forming. “I wish I had gotten to know her.”
His arms around me loosen, and I step back. “I probably haven’t done a very good job of keeping her memory alive. For a long time, it was too hard to talk about.”
“It isn’t now?”
“It’s still hard, but it hurts less. In a lot of ways, it feelslike another lifetime ago.” He looks at the list again. He points to number five: Learn the “Thriller” dance. “I think I remember her saying she always wanted to learn this dance.”
“I started it, but it has a lot of steps.”
“Let’s see them.”
“Now?”
“Yeah. Let’s learn it together. Unless you have homework or something else to do.”
The number of times my dad has ever asked me to show him a dance routine: zero. Which is exactly how many times I ever thought he’d ask to learn one with me.
I move to the living room where we’ll have more space. “No, no. I don’t have anything else. Are you sure?”
“I used to have moves.” He does some snapping, moving his arms around his body and stepping in place.
I burst out laughing, and he grins back at me.
I pull up the tutorial video, and for the next hour, we learn the entire dance. It takes Dad longer to catch on than it does me, but he’s not bad. Once we’ve perfected it, I record us and then we watch it back, laughing so hard that my stomach hurts.
“That was fun.” He’s still breathing hard as he pulls me in and kisses the side of my forehead. “I might need to stretch next time.”
“It was fun. Thanks. I think I needed that.”
His expression softens. “I know I’m not around as much as I should be.”
“It’s okay—”
He holds up a hand to cut me off. “It isn’t. It won’t be long before you’re going off to college and starting your own life. It’s easy to forget how fleeting this time is in the grind of the day-to-day. But nothing is more important tome than you. I worry what your life has been like without your mom. I’m not a very good substitute for her. Some days you take better care of me than the other way around.”
“I love my life. I like making meals and checking up on you. You might not be around as much as I wish, but you’ve always been good at making me feel loved and supported. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
“I’ll see what I can do about being around more then, huh?”
“The homecoming game is this weekend…” I let him fill in the silent request.
“I’ll be there.”
As he hobbles off to shower, I head to my room and rewatch the video another time. Without thinking, I start to send it to Vaughn, then stop. I’ve come to associate so much of the list with him it feels wrong not to share it with him.
