I know he doesn’t mean his words to cut me, but I can’t help but lump myself into his regret column.
“I’ve never known anyone with as much determination and focus as you. Your dad expects too much.”
“He knows what it takes.”
I guess I can’t argue with that.
“I like you, Lacey,” he says.
I live in that admission for just a moment, letting it fill me with happiness and hope even though I know there’s a “but” coming. And I don’t have to wait long for it.
“But I’m not sure I should get into a relationship right now. It feels unfair to you. I did this once before, and I swore I’d never do it again, and now here I am.”
“So don’t do it this time.” I sit up. My smile is brittle and my stomach clenches. “I’m not asking you to give up soccer or even spend less time doing it. I have my own life. We don’t need to hang out every night.”
“It isn’t just the time to practice. When we’re not together, I’m still thinking about you all the time.”
Under different circumstances that wouldn’t feel like such a terrible thing.
“So then what? We go back to being friends?”
“We weren’t really friends before. You hated me.”
“I didn’thate you,” I say quickly, then add, “I just didn’t like you very much.”
“I know.”
“I thought you were too serious. Too focused on a singular thing at the expense of anything else. And you hurt Claire.”
“So you can understand why I don’t want to do the same to you. Having you hate me again would be crushing.”
I lie back down, this time resting my head on his chest. His fingers absently play with my hair. I’m not sure how long we lie there not talking, but eventually the cold hasseeped into my bones, and not even his warmth can keep my teeth from chattering.
“Do you want to hang out tomorrow? I was thinking of going to the animal shelter to visit Pip.”
“I don’t know.”
“I might not be good at cheering you up, but I bet Pip will,” I say, trying to get a smile out of him.
It, of course, doesn’t work.
“I should probably spend the day watching the game video and practicing. I need to concentrate now more than ever.”
“On what? The season is over.” I regret the words as soon as they are out. They sound harsh, but my feelings are raw, and he’s being needlessly harsh on himself.
“It doesn’t stop for me. This is my life. Indoor club soccer starts in a couple weeks. When that’s over, there will be summer camps and offseason training. If I want to play professionally, then I have to be better.”
My heart squeezes in my chest. I can see how much he believes the words he’s saying. And maybe he’s right. I don’t know what it takes to be a professional athlete. But I can’t believe that this is the way. Even top athletes have families and hobbies.
“Okay.” I get to my feet.
“What are you doing?” For the first time since I arrived, he looks like he doesn’t want me to go.
“If you’re going to stay here all night, then so am I. I think I saw some blankets in the back of Austin’s Jeep.” I hitch my thumb in that direction.
He gives me a sad smile. “Go home, Lacey. Ruining your night is the last thing I want to do. This is about me. Nothing else.”
“I know.” I meet his gaze. “But sometimes you need to show up for people even when they don’t want you there.”
