‘She was pretty aggro … She kept telling me how much she’d given up to go to New Zealand with me and how I was breaking her heart and shitting on her from a great height. And she was bang on the money about everything. She slapped me round the face a couple of times too, told me I was a bastard and that she hated me. But I think deep down she knew it was pointless to fight. We’ve all read enough about DNA Matches to know once it’s there, it’s too powerful to beat.’
‘I think Sally feels the same, although in the end she was supportive. Doesn’t stop me feeling like crap, though.’
‘I hear you.’
They clinked their bottles together.
Alex moved to join Nick on the floor. Both men stared ahead of them at the Andy Warhol reproduction print on the wall. The artist’s impression of the tin of Campbell’s soup made Nick’s empty stomach rumble.
‘There’s something we should probably discuss,’ Alex began carefully.
‘There’s probably a lot we need to discuss.’
‘Do you want to go first?’
‘No.’
‘Neither do I, but I will,’ Alex said. ‘You and I know that at the moment, this … whatever it is …’
‘… relationship. Of sorts.’
‘That this … relationship of sorts … has a time limit. I’m booked to fly home a couple of months from now and, until my old man passes on, I don’t know when I’m coming back. If I come back at all.’
This wasn’t news to Nick but, regardless, it felt like the wind had been knocked out of his sails.
‘And if I did come back,’ Alex continued, ‘or if you came to see me, then that brings me to our next dilemma.Is it enough for us to just be together like we are now, or are we prepared to take it a step further?’
‘You mean physically?’
‘I guess that’s what I’m saying.’ Alex’s face reddened and an awkward silence hung between them.
‘Is that what you want?’ Nick asked. ‘Don’t we have to be, like, sexually attracted to each other?’
‘That’s how it usually works, yes.’
‘And … are you?’
‘I’m not going to lie to you – I don’t know one way or the other, mate. This is unchartered territory for me, well, both of us. I mean, I like sex, well, to be honest, I bloody love sex and I reckon it’s a huge part of a relationship. And if you and I aren’t doing that, then can we actually be together? Is what we have between us now enough for sex not to matter? Are we supposed to live like monks for the rest of our lives or do we get our rocks off somewhere else with women?’
‘That’s a lot of questions.’
‘Imagine what it’s like being in my head right now.’
‘I have a fair idea,’ Nick said. ‘What if we do, you know, try …it… and one of us finds we enjoy it but the other doesn’t? Then what happens?’
Alex rubbed his eyes, turned his head and shrugged. ‘This is so screwed up.’
‘You can say that again.’
Alex let out a long breath then ran his hands through his hair. ‘No,’ he said firmly. ‘I’m not going to “say that again”. We’ve done enough talking to last us a lifetime.’
Nick watched as Alex tilted his head and slowly moved towards him. He closed his eyes and reciprocated.
Alex’s lips were much softer and warmer than Nick had imagined a man’s to be, but his stubble was more prickly. Instinctively Nick moved his hand up to Alex’s face as they continued to kiss silently. He felt Alex’s hand on his thigh and pushed himself closer until their cheststouched, connecting and slotting together like they’d been designed to do.
And in that moment, as they felt each other’s hearts racing, yet beating at exactly the same speed, they felt as if they were two halves of a whole.
Chapter 65
