“Don’t be a child. Would you prefer to languish here waiting to be hunted down and killed?”
“‘Languish’? You know I thrive in nature.”
Unsettled by the easy familiarity between them, I asked, “The plan?”
They both turned their attention to me as I finished lacing my boots and wobbled to stand, sore in places I hadn’t noticed before. Ezra had the decency to look remorseful; Julian did not.
“You were supposed to be on a train,” Julian said, as if this somehow explained or excused an entire plan happening behind my back.
“And it never occurred to either of you—who appear to be colluding—that I might wish to participate in a plan?”
“Why would it occur to me that you’d want to work against the system that created you, that you’re so embedded in, you failed to notice until, it seems, quite recently, that our radiance has devastating impacts?” Julian asked, sounding irritated now.
“Perhaps all my disappointing behavior should have clued you in,Senior,” I spat.
Ezra ducked his head and failed to hide a smile.
“There’s more at stake than your hurt feelings,” Julian muttered.
The breath left my body as if he’d punched me. “Do you think I don’t understand that? I just killed two men! I’m trying to catch up. Let me catch up. Let me help.” My voice broke, despite my desperate wish not to cry in front of them. “Please.”
“Don’t bully her, Julian,” Ezra said.
Julian whirled on him. “Me? You can’t be serious.”
Frustration consumed me, but for once it was easy to clench my fist and keep my radiance tucked inside. I wasn’t ready to use it violently again. Not yet. “Tell me what you’re doing so I can decide if I’m going to help or forget I ever met either of you insufferable, arrogant, rude, awful boys!” I yelled.
Ezra looked like he wanted to say something, but his gaze flicked to my fist, and he closed his mouth tightly. He was wise to fear me. He’d seen what I’d done. How easily I’d done it.
It took Julian several long moments to stop looking surprised that I’d shouted at him. He smoothed down his clothes as if he wore an impeccably tailored waistcoat. “I’m traveling to Cascade,” he finally said quietly, sounding like his head ached. “I have contacts who live on a farm on the outskirts of town. Others who believe there’s a peaceful way to stop the march of Progress. To reform our understanding of Progress itself.”
His words slowly settled into my bones. “You’re a resistor, too,” I said with a heavy exhale.
Julian rolled his eyes. “Resistors are not an organized entity, despite what the House would have people think. And trust me, there’s no consensus on approach either.”
“I will die on the spot if I have to listen to Julian’s treatise on ethical approaches to the rise of Industry,” Ezra said.
I ignored Ezra. “You’re saying you have allies? People who would help us if we wanted to stop the House from hurting people?”
“You put it rather simply, but yes,” Julian said, with a pained expression that indicated it was not remotely simple.
I recalled the letter on his desk, the unfamiliar name on it. It must have been to one of his allies. “So youdon’thave a secret sweetheart,” I reasoned aloud.
Ezra and Julian said absolutely nothing, both fixing gazes on me that made them look like startled alley cats.
“The letters,” I explained. “Nikola isn’t your sweetheart.”
A choking laugh escaped Ezra.
Julian’s skin took on a slightly reddened tone. “Correct. Nikola is not mysweetheart.”
I weighed what I knew, which was next to nothing. Julian and Ezra had planned something together. Julian was secretly a resistor working against the House, but not with Ainsley. There were people who wanted to stop radiance from hurting people, and they didn’t want to do it by causing more violence. That felt—it felt impossible to me, but like something Ishouldwant. Even though I wasn’t sure I knew how to resolve any of this without violence.
The House of Industry had power far beyond the radiance at our fingertips. The Elders were ministers of state, of transportation, even of war. We were only children in the woods.
But I wanted a place in all this anyway. Now, more than ever, I needed to feel rooted to something. I had so much squandered time tomake up for, so many mistakes to atone for. I needed to find a way to help undo the damage I’d caused by being so thoughtlessly obedient. So small-minded.
And, a tiny voice admitted in my heart, I didn’t want to be alone.
