And that makes her the closest person I’ve got right now.
I launch a blast. It shatters against Beth’s shield, she barely blinks. Her Threads stay tight and clean. Easy. Mine are frayed to hell.
She finally lets her shield drop and crosses the floor toward me, the slap of her boots loud in the empty lecture hall. “What the fuck is going on with you, Lyra?”
She’s not yelling. That would’ve been easier to dismiss. She just says it like a fact. Like a diagnosis.
“I’m not here to cuddle you. I’m not gonna hug you and whisper that it’s all gonna be fine. That’s not what this is. But for two weeks now, I’ve watched you lose grip in places youshould have locked down. You are ready for Call Week. I’ve got zero doubt about that.” Her arms cross, a brow lifts. “But right now? Your emotions are running the damn show. And if that keeps happening, you’re going to get yourself hurt.” Then, softer, but not gentle. Never gentle. “So, what the hell’s going on? Something with Talen?”
The question lands too softly for the weight it triggers. Tension snaps through me, locking me up before I can stop it. I hesitate, but it’s already too late. Beth’s looking too close, and I know my face has given me away. "Not great."
She hums, tilting her head. “Well, it seems like he really cares about you. The way he looks at you. I’m sure you’ll work it out.”
I scoff before I can stop it, "I wouldn’t be so sure."
She studies me, quiet, then hard. “Look, whatever’s going on between you two, you need to sort it out. Before tomorrow. Call Week’s brutal enough without going in distracted. So come on. Spill. Get it off your chest.”
God, I want to, Ifuckingwant to.It’s like I’ve been holding my breath for weeks, hell months. I can feel it building in my throat, thick and aching. I just need to letsomethingout. One secret. One truth. Something real.
Because walking into Call Week like this? With everything stuffed down and simmering? I won’t survive a second. IknowI can hold my Threads steady when I’m focused. I know I’ve got the skill to take on Ryven, or Elijah.
But right now my emotions are a goddamn mess. I’m stretched too thin and too raw, and it’s all cracking beneath me.
Beth isn’t Ezzy. She doesn’t tiptoe or flinch.She won’t look at me like I’m broken. She’ll just... listen. Like she always does. Right? And it’s just her. Just one person. Bren’s the only other one who knows. That’s it. It’s not like I’m leaking it to half the Citadel.
Still, if I tell her, I don’t know what she’lldowith it.
The beat inside me edges up a notch. But I’m so damn tired. Too tired to keep carrying this thing around like it hasn’t already hollowed me out. And it’s too late anyway, because my lips are already moving.
"It’s fake."
Beth blinks. “What is?”
I stare at the ground, fingers dig into the side of my legs like I need to anchor myself. "The whole thing. With Talen. It’s all fake. He doesn’t care about me, he’s faking it." Her mouth opens, but I keep going. I have to. If I stop now, I’ll never finish. "Fuck—I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. Maybe because everything else is falling apart and this... this is just one more thing I can throw on the fire."
I exhale hard. It hurts to say, even if it’s true. Especially if it’s not.
"Last semester, I interfered. I crossed a line. Professor Strannt found out. I should’ve been Reassigned," I glance up at her. Her expression doesn’t change. She’s just listening. Silent. Steady. "So Talen made a deal. We fake the relationship. It buys me time. Protection. In exchange for, I… I never found out. He had questions, or maybe it was orders. It all got blurry" I swallow hard. The panic rushes in behind the words like floodwater. "So yeah. Whatever you thought was real—it’s not. It’s fake."
The second the words leave my mouth, I want them back, but Beth doesn’t move. Doesn’t react. Just stares at the spot in front of her like she’s waiting for something to make sense. Silence stretches, heavy and unforgiving.
Why the hell did I say anything? My chest tightens. I feel the regret start to crawl up the back of my throat. This was a mistake.
“You don’t have anything to say?” It comes out quieter than I expect.
She pauses, then shrugs like it’s nothing. “Not really... I mean, who am I to judge? Lucien’s hot, yeah. But mainly? He opens doors. Gets me access, helps me get close to people who otherwise wouldn’t give me the time of day.” She lifts her flask, taking a sip. “You gotta do what you gotta do.”
That’s it. No lecture, no moral compass, no judgment. Just… that. And it doesn’tabsolveanything. Doesn’t make me feel better. But god, ithelps. Just a little.
The lecture theatre door creaks open behind us. I glance back—Ezzy slips in, quiet, a little hesitant. Finn trails after her, hands shoved deep in his pockets.
Ezzy catches my eye and offers a small, sheepish smile. Guilt punches straight through me. I’ve been such a bitch. After the way we left things this morning—tense, clipped, cold—I don’t blame her for hesitating. She’s my friend. One of the only real ones I’ve got left.
“I should go. Thanks.” I say to Beth as I sling my pack over my shoulder. “See you tomorrow for Call Week.”
Beth nods. I turn toward the door, toward Ezzy, but she calls after me. “Oh, and Lyra?” I pause. Look back. “Don’t stress about Talen,” she says, tone lighter now, like she’s trying not to make it a thing. “Tomorrow, if you get Called, just focus on the match. You’re ready.” Then she offers a half-smile. “And hey… even if the relationship’s fake, I don’t think his feelings are. I’m sure it’ll work out fine.”
My stomach drops.
