But it’s not nothing.
Call Week starts tomorrow. For the past two weeks, my Threads have been misfiring half the time, and I haven’t seen Talen in almost as long.
“Form.” Beth snaps her fingers.
I exhale, reframe, call my Threads again. They respond—sluggish, reluctant—like they’re just as tired of trying to behave as I am.
After the interrogation cell, Talen sent Lucien to cancel all our sessions together. Told me I should focus on unknotting with Beth instead.
“Move,” she orders, already sending another gust my way, this one sharper, faster.
Breath ragged, I dodge instead of blocking, Threads crackling at the edges of my skin.
I’ve not seen him for the past two weeks. Apparently, he’s away on assignment. Or maybe that’s just easier than dealing with…this. Whatever this is between us. Between our Threads. What happened in the Rec Hall…
I tense, jaw tightening before I can stop it. I want to trust him, to believe him, but without evidence, I’d be a fool. Because the second I asked for one truth—one thing that actually mattered to me—my magic flared, and he shut me out.
“Again, pull on your knots harder this time,” Beth calls.
Panting hard, muscle strained, I raise a hand—too late. Her strike connects, my Threads barely catching the edge of it. Pain ricochets through my shoulder, I bite down a hiss. But even that doesn’t drown out the turmoil in my head.
Yeah, he saved me. Yeah, he kissed me. But is that enough to overlook that he’s a Citadel officer? That his loyalty lies with them, not me?
I push forward, magic building beneath my palms. The air hums, thick with pressure. There’s power there, knotted deep, coiled and ready. All that work with Talen, all that reserve sittingjust below the surface. But I can’t tap into it. It’sthere. Ifeelit. And still I can’t reach it.
Beth’s eyes narrow. She pivots, a new strike forming.
What if Talen knew what happened in Ashvale? What if the way he touched me, the way he looked at me, was all just another assignment?
But if he’snotlying... if what happened in that alley, to that baker, wasn’t a Reassignment. Then it’s worse, because then it’s my fault.
Beth’s blow lands and I stagger back two steps, chest heaving.
My fault he died. My fault those two girls will grow up without their father. All because I couldn’t stop, couldn’t stay out of it. Couldn’t stop myself from pushing.
I call on my magic too soon. One Thread slips loose before I’m ready—snapping out wild, unanchored—and it backfires hard. The shock lashes up my arm, hot and biting. I flinch, breath stuttering behind my ribs. Too fast. Too raw. My emotions are bleeding into the magic, and my Threads are catching it—fracturing, chaotic, unstable. Just like me right now.
Beth watches. Doesn’t say anything, just waits.
I keep thinking—if I’d just been patient, just shut up, maybe I’d have some answers by now. Instead, I’ve got a body on my conscience, and I’m no closer to the truth.
God, I left everything for this.Ashvale. The only home I’ve ever had, even if most of it is gone, burnt down. I left Bren—the only real family I had left—to come here chasing answers. And for what? For silence. For secrets. For a man who won’t even look at me anymore.
A tight pull works up through my throat just as Beth’s next strike lands. I parry, magic flaring too fast, too bright, it whips sideways, hitting a desk behind her. It splinters.
“Lyra.” Her voice cuts through. Not mean but not soft either.
I lower my hand, fingers twitching with leftover power. I don’t meet her eyes. The Citadel hums like a hive around me, but I’ve never felt more alone. I can’t tell if it’s the stone pressing in or my own damn head.
Beth steps in, eyes narrowing. “You’re unravelling. Shut it down, Lyra. Push the emotion out, slow your damn breath, and pull at your knots,hard.”
I try, god, I try. But with every pull, the knots just tighten along with the thoughts inside my head. Was any of this worth it? I thought I was doing the right thing, but now I’m standing in the middle of it and I don’t even know which side I’m on.
I need answers. But not at the cost of someone else’s life.That’s the line, right? That’s the line I keep telling myself not to cross. Only it’s already blurry as hell. And I may have already crossed it.
Rowan’s pissed that I keep cancelling on our library sessions, Finn won't look at me after I snapped at him last week when he made a Nightrose joke, and Ezzy thinks Beth’s replacing her.
And maybe she’s right. Because Beth? Beth doesn’t ask me to explain. Doesn’t need me to be ‘fine’. Doesn’t flinch when I scream or spiral. No judgment, she just lets me be.
