“Well, we are. I guess you just don’t know me as well as you think you do.”
Caitlin eyed her warily, and Gemma wished she knew what she was thinking. “Can we please go grab dinner and talk?”
The wordyeswas on the tip of her tongue. Gemma wanted to. She longed to tear down this bleak world that they’d constructed between them and trade it all for something softer, something honest. But she couldn’t. Not yet. Nine years later, and the wound still felt too fresh.
“No. My girlfriend’s probably waiting for me at my apartment. I have to go.” Gemma turned, resuming her route home and moving her feet a little quicker than before.
Once she was safely behind her locked apartment door, Gemma called Hayley.
“Hey, I was just thinking about you! What’s up?” Hayley answered the phone.
“Hi.”
“Oh Gem, what’s wrong?”
“Caitlin.”
“What’d she fucking do now?” Hayley’s tone had shiftedfrom being light and cheery to venomous rage.
Gemma recounted the events from the previous night, followed by the conversation that had just unfolded.
Hayley laughed through the receiver.
“It’s not funny, Hay! Why does Caitlin still get under my skin so badly?”
“Maybe because she fucked you over, broke your heart, disappeared for nine years, reappeared, and now neither of you has had the balls to acknowledge it?”
Gemma groaned into the phone. “Well, why is that my problem? She’s the one who left. She always knew where to find me. If she had wanted to talk, she had almost a decade to do it. I just want her to go away again.”
“Oh shit.” Hayley gasped. “You still have feelings for her.”
“I absolutely do not!” Gemma felt her face getting redder by the minute. Thankfully, Hayley couldn’t see her.
“You totally do, and you love that she’s chasing you.” Hayley sounded simultaneously smug and pissed off.
It had always aggravated Gemma that Hayley could read her so well. But she was wrong this time. If Gemma could have it her way, she’d never see Caitlin again. So why did the thought make her queasy?
Dammit.
“Gem, you have to talk to Caitlin at some point.”
“No, I don’t. We don’t have to be friends to do this movie. I haveyearsof experience acting with a shitty co-star. Eventually, the movie will be finished, she’ll go back to LA, and we can all go on with our lives.”
“Righttttt, that’s a healthy plan. You’re not even a week into filming, and you’re already spiraling.”
“Ugh!” Gemma groaned again, the only response she could come up with at the moment.
“I mean, Gem, come on. No matter how it ended, Caitlinwas your first love. You thought you were going to spend forever with her.” Gemma could hear the sympathy in Hayley’s voice. “Anyone would be upset if they were in your shoes. But it’s also okay if you’re a little happy to see her.”
Gemma exhaled a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in. She needed to cut herself a break when it came to Caitlin. She had obviously never been through anything like this before.
For years, she had imagined what it would be like if she opened her door one day to find Caitlin on the threshold, hands full of flowers and lips heavy with apologies. Gemma had thought she would feel… better, somehow.
She might not have shown up on her doorstep, but Caitlin was back, nonetheless. And Gemma had been utterly unprepared. Her emotions pulled her all over the place, making her feel unsteady and unsure. Confusion fogged her mind now, right when focus mattered more than ever. What the hell was she going to do?
Mentally and emotionally spent, Gemma told Hayley that she needed to call it a night. Hanging up the phone, she was more grateful now than ever that she had her best friend by her side. Hayley was right. Unfortunately, she usually was. No one knew Gemma better than Hayley did. Ignoring the past—and Caitlin—wasn’t going to work for three months. Sure, she could pretend for a while, bury the memories deeper, but sooner or later, the truth would claw its way back out. One of these days, Caitlin would ask to talk again, and Gemma seemed to have no choice but to say yes. Whether she was ready or not, that day was coming.
TWELVE
