Fall Semester, Sophomore Year of High School
CAITLIN WAS HAPPY.SHE WAScaptain of the cheerleading squad, her handsome boyfriend was the captain of the lacrosse team, and she benefited from the popularity that both brought her. These were things that all teenage girls dreamt of, or at least that’s what everyone had told her.
At fifteen, she had felt like life was pretty great—until recently. Something had changed when Gemma came into her life, and now, she was suddenly questioning her happiness at every turn.
In eighth grade, Caitlin began to suspect she might not be straight. She didn’t know for sure, but she had found herself drawn to sit next to a particular girl every day in her history class. They hadn’t been friends, and Caitlin hadn’t even known her name at first. She just thought she was pretty. She had already started dating Troy at that point, so Caitlin had never explored her suspicion any further.
Every year since preschool, Caitlin had rotated through classes with the same ninety-seven people. She was starting to feel stuck in aGroundhog Day-like cycle. Nothing new ever happened in New Hope. Maybe that was the reason why Gemma had turned her world upside down. A new girlhad come into town, breathing life into her like a shot of adrenaline. Did that explain why Caitlin was constantly searching the quad, hoping for a glimpse of Gemma?
After she had invited Gemma over to her house to playDance Dance Revolutiontogether, she noticed herself thinking about Gemma frequently, more than she ever had with any of her other friends. Her feelings had started to evolve, only becoming more complicated when Caitlin found herself in a tickle fight, pinning Gemma’s body to the floor beneath her.
The intensity of that moment had been unlike anything she had experienced before. Her heart had raced as she stared into those honey-brown eyes, feeling a thrill she never wanted to end. But then she had panicked, and now Caitlin was more confused than ever. She desperately wanted to spend more time with Gemma. That she knew.
Every day, without fail, Caitlin discovered that her body was attuned to Gemma’s presence. No matter how hard she tried to focus on her own walk to class, Caitlin’s feet would pause, and her head would turn before her mind could tell her otherwise. Unbidden, her skin would tingle at the sound of that laugh, or the flash of a long, dark ponytail disappearing around a corner, or the woody amber cologne that Gemma wore.
It was beginning to feel less like an awareness and more like a surrender. Gemma had swept into her life with the force of a tornado, and Caitlin had never stood a chance. She found herself yearning to understand the girl who had undone her without even trying.
That morning, Caitlin had snuck into Gemma’s fourth-period math class, taking a seat at the empty desk in the back, and tapped Gemma on the shoulder. She carefully arranged her face into what she hoped would come off as flirty confidence when Gemma spun to face her.
Caitlin’s heart stuttered, losing her calm composure asGemma’s face lit up at the sight of her. Like sunshine breaking through a cloud, the warmth of Gemma’s smile hit Caitlin all at once, sending a flurry of somersaults through her stomach. She suddenly forgot why she was there.
“Miss Stone?” Caitlin’s head jolted up toward the teacher. “I’m pretty positive you’re not in my class this period.”
“Sorry, Mrs. Brandson. I’m just leaving.” Caitlin slyly handed a folded-up piece of paper to Gemma and twirled toward the back of the room to exit.
Once the last bell before lunch had rung, Caitlin headed toward the cafeteria. She was hoping to run into Gemma, wondering if she had read her note earlier.
While Caitlin sat amongst her squad and the lacrosse team, her eyes roamed around the room. When she spotted Gemma, eating lunch with Darbie on the other side of the cafeteria, she became visibly distracted.
“Babe,” Troy said from beside her.
“Yeah?” Caitlin pulled her gaze away from the girl across the room.
“What movie do you wanna watch this weekend?”
Boys. Troy was oblivious to the fact that Caitlin’s mind had been preoccupied.
“Who were you looking at?” Kristie asked, calling her out in front of the whole table.
“No one.” Caitlin eyed her friend, annoyed.
She turned back to Troy. “I’m down for whatever, you pick.”
The bell rang then, just in time to end this conversation. Honestly, Caitlin couldn’t care less. She was only thinking about finding Gemma.
She gathered her things quickly, hoping to casually bump into Gemma by the cafeteria’s exit. But before she could, Troy wrapped his arm around her shoulders.
Resigned, Caitlin began walking to their next class, spotting Gemma through the crowd. But in the blink of an eye, she was gone.
The last period of the day had arrived, and Caitlin still hadn’t been able to ask Gemma if she had read her note. Troy didn’t leave her alone during Spanish class, and just as she was about to glance back at Gemma, their teacher called on her.
After the final bell, Caitlin lingered, hoping to catch Gemma as she walked down the aisle from her desk. Before Gemma could reach her, however, Troy snatched Caitlin’s notebook and tote bag, practically dragging her out of the classroom.
Huffing, she went with him, Caitlin hoping she could find Gemma in the girls’ locker room.
She changed into her practice clothes, keeping her eyes peeled, but there was no sign of Gemma. Disappointed, she moved to toss her school bag into her locker, spotting a small scrap of paper tucked into the slit in the metal door.
Ignoring the dull thump as her heavy tote hit the floor, her heart pounded while she quickly unfolded the note, desperate for the message hidden inside.
