Every day I went to visit him, never knowing what horrors I’d find. On a good day, I’d find him comatose in the bed, on a bad one? I’d be scrubbing the vomit off the floors. I did my best, and it was far from perfect, but I wasn’t about to let my mate drift. This path was a slippery one and it didn’t bear thinking about what might happen if I let Declan self-destruct.
God, I was missing Ronan something fierce. We spoke daily, either via text messages or on the phone and I wasn’t sure if that made me feel better or worse. Every time I heard his voice, that emotional wound in my heart was ripped open anew. It hurt, but it was a pain I knew I’d inflict upon myself over and over again.
On the plus side it sounded like Ronan and his family had found a decent wee place to halt up. They’d planned to head back over to Galway, but Fiadh had itchy feet from the time they’d spent in Appleby. They were moving around Ireland, visiting old friends, and making new memories, never staying more than a night or two in one spot.
I could admit to myself that on dark days, I wished I’d left with them. When Declan was conscious, he was vile – angry, explosive, resistant to all help… It made me want to wash my hands of him and walk away, but I owed him this. His support had meant the world to me when my life had been crashing down around me all those years ago and I wasn’t about to abandon him now when he needed me in return. Declan might not have been blood, but he was my family, and just like I’d told Ronan, I never turned my back on family.
Unfortunately, things with Declan weren’t heading in the right direction. With each day that passed he seemed to become more despondent, losing himself completely. I often found myself wondering about Tess – where was she? Was she suffering as badly without him or had she forgotten him, leaving him behind without a second thought? They’d seemed pretty crazy for one another every time I’d seen her and Declan together, but who really knew. Buffers weren’t to be trusted and as time drew on with still no word from Tess, it cemented that firmer and firmer in my mind.
The weekend of the horse fair came around, bringing with it a raft of pain and misery. I did my best to keep Ronan off my mind, but everywhere I turned I was reminded of him. How had it been a whole year since we crossed paths with one another already? It had passed in the blink of an eye.
Keen to keep myself busy, I’d gotten out early and headed straight for Tess’s place. I wasn’t sure if Declan knew what weekend it was, but if he did, I knew he’d been feeling his loss just that little bit more.
I wanted to let him know he wasn’t alone, that I was heartbroken right along with him, but it wasn’t just my secrets to tell. I wasn’t about to be betraying Ronan, and in all honesty, I wasn’t entirely sure it would have made any difference to Declan. I could barely get any sense out of him most days.
I pulled up outside the cottage, making my way down the garden path, now wild and overgrown, towards the door. It was never locked, and yet as I grabbed the handle and pushed against it, I stumbled. The door didn’t budge and after I tried shoving my shoulder against it, I quickly came to the conclusion that it was locked.
“Shite,”I hissed to myself, hammering my fist against the wood. “Declan?!”
When no answer came, I started imagining the worst. I pushed my way through the plants to the back of the house to try the backdoor. No luck.
With shaking hands, I dug my hand into my pocket and snatched my phone, hurriedly dialling Seamus. After a few rings, he answered.
“What’s the craic?”
“Seamus, fella. How quick can y’get y’arse t’ Declan’s place, now? I think there’s somethin’ wrong,” I said, running a hand through my hair.
“Ah, feck. Me van’s off the road. What’s goin’ on? Can y’come an’ get me, like?”
I glanced back at the cottage, my heart pounding. I didn’t want to leave – God knows what was going on inside – but I also couldn’t shake the uneasiness that had crept up on me. What if I was already too late? What if Declan had done something awful? I couldn’t face going in there alone.
“A’right,” I sighed, hurriedly making my way back to my van. “I’m on me way. I’d be five minutes. Make sure ya ready.”
“Aye, no bother,” Seamus replied.
I hung up and threw my phone onto the passenger seat before roaring off at breakneck speed. The sooner I got back here, the better.
The journey to collect Seamus went smoothly and in less time than I’d thought possible, we were making tracks back to Tess’s wee cottage. It was only as we approached that commotion caught our attention.
“What the feck…” Seamus muttered.
I brought the van to a halt behind a fire engine. Dark black plumes of smoke were billowing into the sky. Seamus and I flew out of the van and jogged down the street. A fella in full firefighting gear stepped into our path.
“Sorry, lads. You can’t come this way. There’s been a big house fire. The whole street is locked down until we deem it safe.”
“Which house, like?” I asked, running my hand over my mouth. “No’ the wee cottage?”
“Unfortunately so.” The fireman’s eyes narrowed with suspicion. “Do you lads know anything about this?”
“Oh, aye, travellers be passin’ by an’ we’re automatically suspects, like?” Seamus snapped, almost squaring up to the fireman. The man immediately backed off, raising his hands.
“No one’s saying that, but you can’t come down this way.”
Fuck!Seamus and I turned on our heels, heading back to the van. My mind was running wild with worry. What if Declan was still passed out inside? Was he dead? What the fuck was going on?
“No use panickin’ just yet, fella,” Seamus said, jostling my shoulder. “C’mon, we’d just be attractin’ unwanted attention by hangin’ ‘bout here. Maybe Dec is back at the camp, now?”
I didn’t say anything, just nodded and popped the van back into gear, swinging it around in a three point turn before heading back to the halting site.
