“You don’t show it, though.”
He took another drag off the joint, a huge one that sent smoke tumbling out of his mouth. “Why are you like this? I’ve seen your house, met your parents—”
“Oh my God, you mean mymother—”
“Yeah, she’s a trip—”
“That’s one way of puttin’ it—”
“But you’re, like, anoutsider. Which tells me you’re goin’ places. So fuck this town and fuck these people in it and fuck what they think.” He shook his glossy hair. “I want you to remember that,” he said, his face looking sad all of a sudden.
He said it like this was our final night together, like I’d never see him again. “What do you mean? You goin’ somewhere?”
He spewed out more smoke, shivered even though it was ninety degrees outside. “Yeah, someday. Not today, but—”
“Where?”
“Where wouldyouwanna go, if you could pick?” he asked, turning in his seat to face me. It almost felt like he was asking me,Where would you wanna go with me?Now I keep turning it over in my mind, picking his words apart, and this is what I’m choosing to believe he was asking.
“Europe. My dad’s family is from Sweden, and I love it there. It’s so chill, less judgy than here—”
“You’ve been to Sweden?” His eyes lit up, danced all over me, dropping to the top of my tank top, which I purposefully wore because it shows off my cleavage.
“Yeah, for a whole summer. It’s just,” I said, then exhaled, tried to come up with the coolest words, “differentthan America. Especially different thanhere. Like, everyone swims naked there, and it’s not this big deal; like, they don’t have the same hang-ups there. So, yeah. You’d love it.”
His face turned sad again. “I hope I can get there someday, then.”
He rested his arm on the console, inches away from mine. I stared at his forearm, ripped with muscles from all his woodworking and stuff, and my stomach dropped. I moved my arm closer so that it was touching his; it was as if there were electricity moving between us.
We sat like that for a second, both stoned, staring out the front windshield. Then Luke opened two more beers for us.
“Cheers?” He knocked his can against mine.
“Cheers!”
“This is nice. Like, I don’t even feel like I need to talk when I’m with you. I can justbe.”
I squirmed in my seat. I wanted to take both our beers, pitch them out the window, and climb on top of him.
Instead, I downed mine as fast as I could, crunched the can in my fist, tossed it out the window.
“Damn, girl!” Luke smiled in approval. Then copied me.
After his can went flying, I leaned over, put my hand on theback of his neck. His mouth dropped open, and his eyes were all over me again, checking out my tits, my face. My heart drilled in my chest. I felt like I might faint again.
Then I leaned over even more, put my lips on his.
Kissed him.
And he kissed me back. Slowly, deliciously.
I was delirious inside, like fireworks-popping delirious.
But then he pulled away, shook his head. “Nellie, I—I can’t… I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry, but—” His hands were balled in his lap.
What the fuck?
I wanted to grab him by the back of the neck again, continue making out. What did he mean he shouldn’t have done that? It feltsogood, so right.
