I hope Beau made the call to Alec. Beau knows that Sam will need his best friend because my next words will break us as I knew they would.
Still, I continue to drive a knife through both of our hearts, knowing there’s no coming back from this. “Pure biology, I’m afraid. I get the same reaction when I use a vibrator. Now, if that’s all, I have work to do.”
I follow up by telling him to keep our breakup civil. That last little dig breaks him, and I know we’re done.
My heart fractures, and I hate myself a little more as Alec appears and guides a devastated Sam from my office. I know my words have shattered him, but I need him to hate me. I hated myself—and I knew why I was doing this.
Bending over, I draw in deep breaths, trying to steady myself against the pain. It feels like I’m having a heart attack; that’s how much my chest hurts.
Beau comes to my door to check on me, but I wave him away.
I don’t want comfort—I want to feel every ounce of pain. I need to experience the devastation that the man I’ve loved since I was a teenager is feeling. If he feels even an ounce of the pain racking me now, I know he’s in agony. Contrary to whateveryone believes, I love him. Which is why I had to push him away.
Tears spill down my cheeks as I hear Sam and Alex leave through the back office. I collapse into my chair, burying my face in my hands as sobs break free. My heart shatters with every breath.
I never thought this would happen. I thought we’d follow in our parents’ footsteps and get our happy ever after. But that’s not our destiny. I’ve made my choices, as hard as they’ve been.
I’ve never been one to show my emotions, but I know that’s one of the reasons they chose me. Doesn’t mean Idon’tfeel, because I do. Deeply. But I don’t always express my emotions like I should.
“You don’t have to do this.”
Wiping the tears running down my face, I turn towards the voice in the shadows. He’s been here the whole time. I hate that he’s watching me break. Sam was unaware of him because the man is good at cloaking his presence.
“I do, though,” I answer, my voice hitching on a sob. “It’s what you’ve trained me for. It’s why I’ve made the sacrifices I have. You don’t have anyone else, or you would’ve put them in place already. We both know that. Silas has seen it. This is how everything has to play out. We know better than to mess around with what’s coming.”
I sigh wearily as I stand and walk towards the window, feeling every one of my twenty-seven years. I’m just in time to watch Alec drive out of the parking lot with Sam in the passenger seat. “Besides, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing I had the power to help those in need, and I didn’t because it would interfere with my life.”
Silence reigns, but I know he’s still there in the same way I know he hates what this is doing to me. None of us knew how much our lives would change all those years ago. I certainly never imagined that my life would alter so drastically.
Turning away from the window, I look at the large Viking-like man standing in the corner of my office.
I eye him steadily. “Promise me he’ll be happy. Promise me our sacrifice won’t be for nothing.”
He meets my gaze, and I see the truth in his eyes when he replies, “I promise he’ll be happy. Your sacrifice won’t be in vain.”
I nod and turn away to stare out the window. Sam is gone. Cahir’s promise is all I have now. I’ll be gone for a long time. I’ve done what I can to prepare, including ensuring that my and Beau’s company will survive without me.
Beau isn’t exactly thrilled with me, but I can’t do much about that. He’s a great friend, and I understand where he’s coming from and why he’s upset.
Maybe one day, I’ll return to take my place. Until then, Beau will run the business with me in the background.
Taking a tissue from the box on the corner of my desk, I dry my tears, blow my nose, and pick up my bag with my computer. “Okay. Fill me in on what’s going to happen from today.”
Cahir takes my bag and explains what my life will look like for the next few years. “We’ll go to Scotland to complete your training before you go undercover with the traffickers. You’ll be handling their accounts, and as a forensic accountant, we hope you can feed information back for us. We’ll take it from there.”
I nod, and Cahir continues.
“We’ll start you at the smaller setups. This will allow you to gain their trust and establish a trustworthy reputation before we put you in with the big players. You won’t be expected to gather significant information from the smaller traffickers as we already have them under constant surveillance, but it will be valuable experience.”
“You’ll continue your physical training as well as firearms and hand-to-hand combat with Cai,” Cahir continues. “It won’t be a quick process. It will take time because it involves a lot of moving parts, and we’re sticking to what Silas has seen. Eventually, you’ll infiltrate the ringleaders in Felixstowe. For now, take the time you need to grieve for Sam and the life you’d thought you’d have. If I could spare you the pain, I would.”
I believe him—that he would spare me the pain if he could. Cahir helps me into his vehicle; my bags are already in the back. I’m not sure where his brothers are, but Cahir was the only one here this morning after I received the phone call.
No one is around to see me leave. Everything has gone according to plan, despite the plans being made many years ago when Cahir first approached me to take on this job.
As the years passed, I thought things had changed, that it was safe to continue with my life. It was why I gave Sam a chance.
I should have called Cahir to check because fate had other ideas and royally screwed me over. I had one night with the man I hoped to spend the rest of my life with before I broke us.
