My luggage rolls along the ground, making a racket through the quietness of suburbia. Cicadas chirp their evening song while I swallow hard, finally making it to the door, and the setting sun fades in the distance through the Eastern Redbuds lining the street.
Taking a deep breath, I gently rap on the door. Ryan’s taking forever to answer, so I stand back and straighten my shirt. Briefly, I wonder if maybe he isn’t home when the porch light flicks on and the latch clicks. Steadying myself, the door opens, and the shadow of Ryan appears in the doorway.
I half smile, but he shakes his head. “Jesus, dude, it’s good to see you. I’m shocked to see you…” He hesitates, then blurts out, “You look like shit.Oh fuck!I heard about the plane crash… did Ella—”
“No. She’s fine. Just decided her life is better off without me.”
Ryan sighs, his face falling as he steps aside to usher me in. Walking into our old home, I realize it’s the same, with shit all over the floor. A general pigsty like always.
“Dude, that blows.” He clasps my shoulder, and I shrug.
“I’m dealing.”
“Yeah, I can smell that.” He smirks.
I roll my eyes. “I uprooted my life and left everything behind. All I have is this suitcase.”
Ryan winces. “Just like when you packed up everything and took off for England. No goodbye, just a note on the fridge saying you had to go…for her.She was worth it, and you were sorry.”
I grimace at his harsh tone. “I know… I was a prick. I was so blinded by my love for her that I threw away everything that meant something to me here.”
“You threw awayourlives too, Danger. Me, Matt, Nate. We were as much a part of that band as you were. We were headed places, and you up and left with no warning…” He scrubs a hand through his hair. “That kind of shit pisses people off.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose, feeling the tension I totally deserve. “I fucked up. Big time. But I was thinking maybe now I’m back, you, me, and the guys could pick up where we left off. Get the band back on track. Give me something to work and live for?”
Ryan scoffs. “So now you think it’s fine to just waltz back in like you didn’t royally screw us and just act like we’re all best buds again?”
Cracking my neck to the side, I exhale.This is not how I pictured this going. “Ryan, c’mon, we’re best friends—”
“Wewerebest friends. Till you got pussy-whipped and took off after her, leaving us all behind to pick upyourmess.We had to move on, get real jobs while you gallivanted with the fucking Slades. So, no, Danger, you don’t get to just come back whenyourworld falls apart to fit into ours…” The sigh is heavy before he continues, “Look, I’m sorry you’re hurting, bro, but the truth is, the band had to move on becauseyoumoved on. Nowyouhave to find a way to move past this as well.”
Nodding, I flare my nostrils in frustration.
This was my plan.
This was myonlyplan.
This idea kept me going.
Well fuck!
“You know what, Ry? If you don’t want to reboot the band well, that’syourloss. We were fucking great. Did I screw that up? Yeah… I’ll admit that, but I came back here intending to right that wrong. But if you’re too damn pigheaded to take my apology, thenfuck you.” I stand and head for the door.
“There’s the Danger I know, not that pussy-whipped mother fucker Ella turned you into.”
I snap back around and glare at him. “You know what? She did change me, and not for the better. I more than see that now. I’m better off without her. Fuck! I’m probably better off starting afresh and making a new life. I can do anything and be anyone I want to be. I’m Danger three-point-fucking-oh. Watch this space, Ryan. I’m gonna make it, with or without you. You know my number.” I flick around and head back for the door with my head held high and a newfound strut in my step.
“I’m sorry this wasn’t the welcome home you wanted, but things have changed. Youmadeuschange. It killed us and the band when you left. You have to know that, right?” he calls out.
I simply nod. “I know. I’m sorry. If I could change what happened, I would. I did come here to try, but that’s now up to you.” I walk out of the house and back down the path.
“Where are you gonna go?” Ryan calls out.
With a simple shrug, I keep walking without looking back.
Where am I gonna go?
That’s a damn good question.
