“Okay, so you look down and to side so we see profile of face, but not be able to tell exactly who you are in picture. Yes?”
“Yes, perfect. You know exactly what I need.”
He nods. “Yes, Whisper know it all, sexy boy. I do artistic-looking shot that will have all the women intrigued.”
Whisper takes a few shots and ends up deciding on the one with the darkest lighting, giving just a hint of my profile. It’s just enough not to give away who I am or what I truly look like. Sure, the girls will want to know more, but in the initial stages, it will be sufficient.
Whisper types out a very specific description and criteria of what type of woman I’m after, leaving no room for misunderstandings.
“You do know putting this stuff will limit type of women you get coming to your profile, sexy boy?”
“Good. I don’t want to waste my time on anyone who doesn’t fit my standards.”
Whisper huffs, shaking his head. “This narrow-minded and right girl doesn’t fit into window. The window normally open, and it’s the beauty in horizon that most splendid. Not the beauty that fits within frame.”
Nodding, I sigh. It’s either her or not. There’s no in-between. And the only way to do that is to be specific in what I’m looking for, right? “I need to be specific about what I’m after, Whisper. The list stays.”
Whisper nods, and we continue to type up the information online, spending the rest of the afternoon working on my profile. We look through possible candidates and sendPessimistic winksto those that fit within my list. He tells me what to look for on the profiles to sort the good from the bad, the desperate from the sensible, and all that type of crap. He actually seems to know what he’s doing, which is a pleasant surprise. Maybe he is a guru. But you can never really tell with Whisper. One minute it’s working out great, and the next, it can all turn to shit.
After sorting through it all, Whisper has to leave to go to work at the dog grooming business, and I chuckle at just how many jobs he actually has. At least, his internet dating guidance gurusessions are cheaper than his Fung Shui ones—this session only cost me $299.00.
So is this a bargain in comparison?No, not really, when I could have probably done this shit on my own.
His help has been somewhat useful, but his company and friendship are always great to have around, even if it’s questionable at best.
It’s getting late, and I’m lost on my computer when the front door swings open with fits of laughter floating in. I look up to see not only Nate but also Alex walking through the door as she tries to mess with his hair. Obviously, I’m missing a joke they just shared between them, but he’s not laughing as much as she is as they enter the house.
Alex looks at me, and she lifts her chin in a greeting. “Hey, other brother,” she says, and I chuckle.
“Didn’t know you were coming over,” I reply, and she mockingly frowns and curls up her nose at me.
“Well, sorry to disappoint.” She rounds the sofa and slumps down next to me, the cushions bouncing with her energy.
“You’re no disappointment,” I reply.
Nate scoffs out a laugh and comes over to sit next to me on the other side. He looks down at the computer on my lap.
“So what have you been doing all day while we’ve been slaving?” Nate asks, and I sit taller, feeling proud of my accomplishments.
“Well, as a matter of fact, Ihavebeen doing something. I have some exciting news.”
They both look at me and cock their heads in curiosity.
“Well?” Nate asks.
“I signed up for internet dating. I’m all hooked up and ready to go, and I’m actually already doing stuff…” I trail off while they both look at me as if I have lost my damn mind. “I’ve connected with two women already, and they look great.”
Nate scoffs. “Okay, so that’s probably the most stupid thing I’ve ever heard. You’re a celebrity rock star. That’s all they’re gonna see, Matt.”
“Yes, but they won’t know that until they meet me in person.”
Nate stands. “This is crazy. You’re usually the sensible one. What the hell happened to you?”
“I know, that’swhyI’m doing this.” I point at the MacBook. “I need to live a little. You’ve shown me that if you can step out of your comfort zone, build a business, learn to read, and do all this shit you’re doing, then I can start to be bolder, too.”
“Bold like…internet dating?”
I smirk and look at Alex, who hasn’t stopped grinning like she’s enjoying this little show. “Alex, you’re with me on this,right?”
