I tug on my shoes and walk out feeling completely used.
Now I know whatthatfeels like.
And now that I do, I take a mental note toneveruse a woman again.
***
As I walk into the kitchen, Matt is making himself a coffee.
He looks up at me and smirks. “Pulled an all-nighter, hey, bro? Should I guess who the lucky lady is?”
I groan and ignore him, walking straight for the stairs.
Goddamn! The fucking ficus smacks me in the face as I walk past it. “Fucking Fung Shui, my ass,” I murmur as my feet feel weighty, dragging them up each individual step and then walking to my room. Heading straight to the ensuite for a shower, I need to washheroff me. All I can smell isher,and even though I know I’ll never have this smell again, I can’t stand the thought of it taunting me all day, either.
So I strip off and hop in, with the water burning my body as I try not to think of the disappointment and usual rejection flowing through me.
Just for once, I’d like to be good enough.
Unable to bear the memory of last night, especially when it’s nothing compared to the sting of this morning’s rejection, I scrub my body, trying to wash away every trace of her. Once I feel clean enough, I step out quickly, dry myself off, and get dressed. As I look around—thinking about lying on the bed and sulking—I decide I’d better not spend the day cooped up in myroom, knowing Matt will come looking for me. So I head down the stairs, walking into the ficus again, then to the kitchen to see Matt cleaning up from his breakfast.
He looks at me and frowns. “What’s got you down, Mrs. Brown?”
I raise an eyebrow as I roll my eyes. “We’re quoting Mom now?”
Matt smiles. “Yeah, she was a wise woman. What I remember of her anyway.”
Immediately, I tense as an image of Mom clutching her chest as she sat next to me, gasping for air while I clung to her arm, flashes through my mind.
I sure wish those flashbacks would piss off and be replaced with some other memory of Mom.
“Nate?” Matt calls, bringing me back to the now.
“Sorry, what?”
“Did you just have a flashback?” I nod and exhale. “Shit, sorry. I shouldn’t talk about her.”
“No, it’s fine. I’ll get over it one day.”
Matt nods, tilting his head slightly. “It could happen sooner with some counseling.”
I groan, rolling my eyes again like an errant child. “I can hardly talk to you about it. How the fuck will I be able to talk to a stranger?”
“You don’t know until you try, Nate. I can come with you…” he trails off when he sees my face drop, and I shrug.
“Maybe. I was working on some things with Ria, but I think I’ve fucked that up now, too.”
Matt furrows his brows. “What? Why?”
Running my fingers through my damp hair, I sigh. “We slept together last night.” Matt slowly grins. “But then she did the whole… we’re stillfriendsspiel this morning, and basically theit’s not you, it’s me, thing, so I left.”
Matt winces and slaps my shoulder, rubbing it slightly. “I’m sorry, bro. You think she just wanted a one-nighter?”
“No. I think she’s scared because she has been hurt by that asshole rocker, so she’s automatically lumped me in the same basket.”
Matt exhales. “Ah… the infamous Kade.”
“Yeah, fuckhead!”
