I can’t risk that.
I just can’t.
I need him to forget.
“I’m sorry, Alex. I’ve made up my mind. Nate means everything to me, and because of that, I’m able to let him go. I can’t bring his future down. That future is only just starting. I’ve reached the pinnacle of my career. See where I’m going with this?”
Alex shakes her head and exhales. “Okay, but I can’t guarantee that he isn’t going to go off the deep end when he does find out.And you know he will.It’s inevitable, Ria. You can only hide it for so long before, you know.”
Closing my eyes briefly as I picture Nate’s face, I smile slightly, remembering the good times. “I know. Hopefully, by then, he’ll have moved on, and it won’t be an issue.”
She scoffs out a bemused laugh. “You’re fucking delusional.”
“Quite probably,” I reply.
Alex smiles and pulls me to her, embracing me tightly. “I know this is hard on you, Ria, but sometimes, asking for help isn’t a bad thing.”
“I ask you for help.”
She rolls her eyes. “Yes, but sometimes you need a man’s help…your man’shelp.”
“I get you, but I’m not wavering. I love you for trying, though. I’m so glad I have you, Alex.”
“Oh, Ria, for everything you’ve done for me? It’s the other way around. I’m so freaking lucky I have you. I’m so happy you asked me to help Nate. I think he’d be lost without me, to be honest. Matt’s helping him, but I hope I’m a good ear when he needs it. And a good kick up the backside, too. Plus, I think a little bit of female presence in his life, with some positive affirmations sent his way, is a good ego boost. Poor guy has some serious self-confidence issues.”
“I know, he’s so broken. His life has been one rejection after another, and I’m another one to add to his list. I fucking hate that I’ve done that to him. I wish there were another way, I reallydo. I wish I could make him feel like he wasn’t a reject, that if I could, I would have him in my life in a heartbeat. Heisgood enough. Heismorethan good enough. I wish he knew that.” Another fat tear forms in my eye and slides down my cheek.
“Don’t worry, I’ll keep looking after him. He’s such an amazing man, Ria. I know why you like him. He’s a really good friend to me, and after this short amount of time with him, I’m so fond of him already. Nate’s an incredible guy, and I don’t know why people think so poorly of him. Sure, he can be a little pigheaded and stubborn, but underneath it all, he’s super caring and loyal. And man, hereallylikes you. Actually, I’m pretty sure he’s in love with you, Ria.”
“I get it. I’ve fucked this up and lost a good man.”
She just doesn’t fucking get it, not that I expect her to.
I flop my head back onto the headrest of the sofa and exhale. I know how he feels. I’m in love with him, too, but that doesn’t help this situation. It only makes it more challenging.
“I know. Alex, please, tell me you’ll watch out for him… like a sister. Keep him in line, but be kind to him and be there for him.”
She nods. “I’ll keep doing what I’m doing. Nate means a lot to me already, Ria. He might not think so, but he’s one of my closest friends. I don’t have a lot, and I don’t let people in easily, as you know, so he doesn’t really know how closed off I can be.”
“I know. I can’t believe how far you’ve come. From that broken, shy girl I first met at the shelter to the amazing, confident woman you are now, Alex. I’m in awe of you.”
“Well, that might have something to do with this gorgeous actress who brought me out of my shell, told me I could be someone, and reminded me I had a life to live, and I should live it. You might know her. I think she needs some of her own advice right now.” Alex looks right into my eyes, and I barely manage to lift one side of my mouth with an awkward half-smile.
“I hear you. I know I’m a little lost. This has thrown me a bit. The news is, well, life-changing. But you can either let it drown you, or you take it day by day and deal with it as best you can. That’s what I’m doing, Alex… I’m dealing.”
Alex shakes her head and looks over to the counter, where the bottles of vitamins and other medicines are lined up. “Are they helping?”
I shrug. “A little, but not much. The nausea is a real killer. It’s all the time now, and nothing’s really helping. The swelling and aches I’m getting a handle on, and the tiredness comes and goes, but doctors have said it will probably only get worse before it gets better.”
“Ria—”
“I’mnottelling him!”
“Okay, I won’t say anything more about it, and you know I’m always here for you. But please, call me if you need anything. Anything at all. Even someone to hold your hair while you puke.”
“Thank you, Alex, you’re a true friend.” Even just saying the word puke is making me want to expel what little is in my stomach. There are days I can’t catch a break with the constant sickness, and I freaking hate it.
She pulls back from me and looks me up and down. “Have you eaten today?”
