“Why?”
“We employ her for starters.”
“You employ me, too, technically, and I’m dating the lead singer. That argument is null and void.”
“Urgh… well, I don’t want to hurt her.”
“I can’t imagine you hurting anyone, Ryan. You’re too loyal.”
Shaking my head, I exhale. “I don’t mean by cheating or whatever. I mean physically.”
She jolts her head back in shock and furrows her brows together. “Ryan, you would never hit a woman.”
Shaking my head quickly from side to side, I groan. “God, no! Fuck! That’s not what I mean. I’m bad karma for people who love me. I am bad news. I’m no good. I don’t want Tillie to end up like…” I pause, unable to finish my sentence as a lump catches in my throat and my breathing becomes difficult.
Lunar pauses. “Okay. I’m not going to push. I can see you’re upset, and there’s obviously something I don’t know about here. Just know you can talk to me. At any time, Ryan. I’m your go-to girl…” She pauses, then continues, “Or Danger, he’ll always be there for you if you need to vent.”
“Thanks. You know… I kinda love you, right?”
She smirks. “I kinda love you right back. Do you want me to hang around for a bit?”
“Nah, go be with Danger. He’s more fucked up than I am.”
She smirks. “Hm… debatable at this point, my friend. How’s your chili-infused junk?”
“It’s fine.” I laugh and smile for the first time in a while. “Was a bit hot there for a while, but a cold shower fixed it.”
“No permanent damage, then?”
“Nope. My cock will live on to fuck another day.”
“So you can fuck all you want, just not fall in love, right?”
My smile falls, and I nod. “Exactly.”
She hums under her breath. “You sound like a certain lead singer we both know and love.”
“Okay, that’s enough. I’m tired.”
“It’s only eight-thirty. But I get it. You want to wallow alone, right? Just remember we’re here for you, Ry. Always.”
“Thanks, and I know.”
Lunar leans in and kisses my cheek, giving my knee a squeeze, then stands and walks to the door. Before she leaves, she turns back to look at me, and I notice she slumps her shoulders. “You know… sometimes, we have to let go of the painful past to have a pleasant future.” With that, she turns and walks out of my room, closing the door with a soft click behind her.
I feel bad for the way I left things with Tillie. We’ve almost kissed twice, and both times I’ve pulled away. That’s got to eat at her confidence. I don’t ever want her to think she isn’t good enough. The problem lies solely with me. I’m so irreparably damaged, and to top that off, I’m bad karma for those who get too close to me. Having Tillie around makes me think about Katie a lot more, and I swore to myself I’d only think about her and Maddie one day a year. Any more than that, and I risk wallowing in self-pity and loathing. A safeguard to avoid the very person I am becoming.
I’ve been okay for nine years.
Nine years.
No one has made me feel anything for nine long years.
Then in walks Tillie, all nerdy with her black-rimmed glasses framing her sexy face and her feisty, take-no-shit attitude, showing me who’s boss. You would think the latter would be a deterrent, but it only makes me more interested.
Fuck!
Lunar’s right—I do like her.
