“It’s the sound of the metal crunching that never leaves you, you know? I don’t remember much, but the metal crunching I’ll never forget…”
I risk looking up at her, and she’s looking at me with such sad eyes. My chest hurts as I gaze over at her, thinking that it all could have happened again when she had her accident. I could have lost her, and instead of spending every precious moment with her, I pushed her away.
God, I’m such a dick.
“They didn’t make a sound, not one. I was moaning and groaning, but I couldn’t hear anything from either of them. The truck hit the passenger side and pushed right into it. When I looked up, Katie…” I wince and trail off as I remember thedisfigured body of my wife. Tears stream down both our faces as Tillie’s bottom lip trembles uncontrollably.
“I didn’t dare look back at Maddie, but I knew. I could feel it. Her booster seat was on the passenger side at the back. There was no way, no way she’d survive.”
“Oh God,” Tillie murmurs and reaches out, hugging me tightly. “I’m so… so sorry. I get it now. Why you pushed me away after the accident. I can’t even imagine all the memories, everything that must have brought up for you. I’m so sorry. But you know the accident wasn’t your fault.”
“Then why do I feel like it was?”
She shakes her head and caresses my face. “It wasn’t, Ryan. You went through on a green. You did nothing wrong.”
“I was driving, I was distracted by Maddie… if I had been paying more attention, I would have seen him running the light. I could have saved them—”
“No. There was nothing you could do if it were a truck. You wouldn’t have been able to outrun it. There was nothing you could do, Ryan. Stop blaming yourself and pushing people away. Let me in. I’m here for you if you’ll let me be?”
I pull back from her and look her in the eyes, wiping the tears from her face. “I want you to be… please don’t leave.”
She sniffs, shaking her head. “I’m not going anywhere. Although if you do this again—”
“I won’t… promise,” I interrupt. Leaning in, I press my lips to hers tenderly, and she kisses me back with such fierce intent that my knees feel weak even though we’re sitting. A spark so strong shoots through every atom in my body.
And there it is again—that same damn feeling.
Everything isamplifiedwith Tillie, and right here, right now, I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that Tillie is the one for me.
She’s the one to bring back the balance in my life.
She’s my safe place, my home.
She’s fucking everything—and I’m never, ever going to take her for granted, or let her slip away. Because I know all too well how quickly you can lose the people you love.
Slowly, I pull back from her and look into her beautiful eyes. Even though they’re puffy and have cried enough tears lately to sink a battleship, she’s still the most beautiful woman on the face of this earth. “I love you, Tillie.”
She presses her forehead to mine, and a slow smile crosses her lips. “I love you, too, Ryan.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
RYAN
Christmas Day
We pull up the car at Roxie and Donny’s house, ready for Christmas lunch. I’m looking forward to seeing them again, although Tillie has warned me that Roxie might give me the third degree for breaking Tillie’s heart for a second there.
But I don’t blame her.
I deserve it.
So I’m willing to take the full brunt of her sister’s ferocity if need be.
“Are you ready?” Tillie asks as I pull the keys out of the ignition.
“Yep, let’s do this.” I smile, and she takes a deep breath and hops out of the car. I slide out and open the back door to pull out the bag of presents. I made sure to get Savvy a child-sized guitar. I know Tillie told me not to, but I felt, as her new uncle, I owed her. Especially if I’m going to be coming by and teaching her how to play, I need her to have something to play with, don’t I? Otherwise, teaching her is kind of null and void. Loading my arms full of gifts, I bump the door with my hip to close it. Tillie giggles, racing around to help me carry some of the bags.
“I think it’s official… we went overboard,” she says, pointing at the ridiculous amount we are carrying. I chuckle as we reach the front door, and Tillie somehow manages to push the doorbell. Not long after, the door opens to a high-pitched squeal in Roxie’s usual greeting. I shake my head as Roxie races forward, grabbing Tillie in a giant hug and swaying her from side to side even though she’s trying to hold on to presents.
