“Kai, you’re my boss. It’s inappropriate for a start. It’s wrong on so many levels.”
“Nope, pretty sure it’s not,” he says, advancing towards me. I take a step back, trying to put some distance between us, and find the statue hard against my back.
“You’re an earl, Lord Buckley, that makes you out of my league, unobtainable,” I say and he stops. His face twists slightly in disgust and his eyes flash angrily.
“I’m a failed actor who by pure accident of birth has ended up here, with all this.” He waves a hand towards the house. “I didn’t ask for any of it, but I’m trying to do the best I can in the only way I know how. You make it sound so lonely, like my fate is sealed.”
“That’s not what I meant,” I protest.
“Then what did you mean, Jason?” he shouts. “Because I’m confused right now. I came out here, despite feeling like the one person who’s opinion I cared for thought what I was doing was wrong, to ask him to help me. Only to find he’s been watching me the whole time, but somehow that’s not good enough.” He stops shouting, staring at me with his chest heaving.
“I’m the one who’s not good enough,” I say, as calmly as I can, fighting the rising nausea from my churning stomach. He steps closer until his chest is almost touching mine.
“Don’t you think that’s for me to decide?” he says with gritted teeth. His lips are pulled back and his eyes are sharp and narrow. He looks like a cat getting ready to strike.
His close proximity is intoxicating, and I can’t trust myself to say anything sensible. When I don’t answer, the fight goes out of him and his shoulders slump.
“What I really wanted to tell you was how much I missed you. I looked forward to coming out here and talking to you. I like you a lot, Jason. I thought we had something special.”
“I miss you too. Seeing you was the highlight of my day,” I say, but that feels woefully inadequate. Fuck, I need to try to sort this out. “I’m sorry, I’ve messed this up. Can we go back to how we were before?”
“I don’t think so,” he says, and my heart sinks as my mind races with how to salvage this, at least to get him to talk to me again. It’s not what I want. I want a lot more, but I’ll take anything over the avoiding each other we’ve been doing.
“Why not?” It comes out reeking of anguish but I don’t care.
“Because it’s uneven, isn’t it?” He tilts his head and gives me a calculating look, and once again I feel like prey under his gaze.
“Oh, with you being an earl?” Now I’m confused. Is this some sort of punishment to twist my words back at me?
“No, it’s not that.” His sly smile is back, which makes my heart race after the emotional turmoil of the last few minutes.
“What, then?” I ask and he deliberately looks me up and down.
“You’ve seen me naked.” His face is deadpan, and I just stare at him trying to work out if he’s joking. Then his mouth starts twitching as if he’s trying to hold in a laugh. It’s infectious, and soon I’m giggling as much as him. He stops just as suddenly and looks up at the statue of his uncle.
“I’ve worked out who the other guy is,” he says.
“Who is it?” I follow his gaze. The laughter worked wonderfully to ease the tension.
“Lord Bernard Lamont Hawksmoor. It took me a while as he was only labelled as M in the journals.”
“Monty,” I say and he nods. “I never knew his full name. He was only ever called Monty while he was here.”
“Estranged from his wife and with two adult children. I like to think that he and my uncle were happy. But as a peer in the House of Lords, as well as his banking heritage, I can see why he might not have wanted to go public.”
“They certainly seemed happy,” I say. It’s the truth, and I hope it brings him some comfort. He smiles briefly.
“I don’t want to be like my uncle—a recluse, hiding away from the world. I want to be able to shout my love out loud,” he declares and levels a look at me. It bores straight into my soul and I know I can’t let him go. I don’t feel worthy of an earl, but Kai is like no one else I’ve met, and I know if I want him, I need to try. Then, like he says, it’s for him to decide. I take a deep breath.
“We might not be able to go back, but can we move forward instead?” I ask and wait, seeing his slight smile.
“What do you suggest?” he asks, lifting his chin slightly.
“Well, first of all, I’d like to kiss you.” This time I step forward into his space so he has to tilt his head to look up at me.
“I’d like that too,” he whispers. Locking my eyes onto his, I lower my head. His lips are soft, exactly how I imagined them. I take it slowly at first, licking across his bottom lip and savouring him. I put my arms around him, holding him close, and he sighs slightly and melts into me. I go to pull back and he chases my lips with his own, wrapping his hands round my neck and pulling me back to him. He opens up for me and I explore, our tongues dancing until I lose myself in him. I break off slowly, not wanting to end the kiss but needing some air, and even as ourlips part, I touch them together again, not wanting to let go just yet. I don’t release my arms, and he moves his hands down my back and around my waist, holding me too.
“Wow, that was incredible.” I smile at him, watching his face light up. Then I remember what he said as he entered the grove. “You said you needed my help with something.”
