I quickly check my laptop and what’s in my account.
“Just over one and a half million pounds, so anything else I can raise will help.”
“That’s pretty good so far.” She sounds impressed.
“Thanks,” I say and then see a flashing notification on the screen. I open it up, reading it through several times. It surely can’t be real.
Hi, my boyfriend and I have been following you for a while and love your account. We’re impressed by the vibe and creativity,but we’d like to see more. We’d like to make a pledge to see you with another man.
I check the amount; it’s ridiculous. Who would pledge a million pounds to watch someone have sex? To watch me have sex? I notice their handle—himboandlord. It means nothing to me, but there are safeguards in place on For my Fans, so if I accept the pledge, they’ll make sure it’s honoured so no one is scammed.
I sit back and take a breath, imagine a sixth of the amount in one go. Of course, it’s impossible. I don’t have anyone to perform in the video with me. There’s only one person I could even think of asking, but he doesn’t like what I’m doing, and even if he did, he still might not agree. He probably doesn’t even like me. It’s easy for me to be in front of a camera, but it’s too much to ask of anyone else. I can’t do it.
I sip my coffee and read the message again. Damn it. I want to save this hall, not just for my uncle and the people who work here, but because it’s become my home and I don’t want to lose it. I don’t care what Jason thinks of me. Without thinking anymore about how this could all go wrong, I rise. I’m going to ask him anyway.
CHAPTER 17
JASON
Iknow the exact moment Kai enters the grove. I don’t have to turn around to know it’s him. Every nerve in my body tingles with his closeness and breathing becomes a little more difficult. I don’t acknowledge him, but instead I continue working on weeding round the statues.
“Jason?” His voice cracks slightly and I hate the uncertainty it holds. I turn to look at him. He’s standing at the edge of the grove, biting on his bottom lip. His normally bright eyes are dull and washed of colour. I desperately want to see them shine again, but I don’t know why he’s here. It’s so similar to all the times he’s found me in the garden previously, and yet everything is different.
“Kai,” I say simply, and his face creases slightly before he smoothes it again and I see him take a deep breath.
“I have a strange request, but please hear me out as I know you judge me for what I’m doing?—”
“Judge you?” I blurt out. “I’ve never judged you!” I straighten from my position, standing to face him.
“But you were in the room, you must have seen the camera and everything. And then I told you all in the kitchen that day and you . . . you couldn’t even look at me.” The anguish in his voice breaks something in me.
“I wasn’t judging you, Kai. I was judging myself.”
“I... I don’t understand.” He frowns. I need to come clean. Even if I don’t want him to know my shame, it’ll at least stop him thinking I would actually judge him. I hate that more than what I think of myself.
“You’re right. I did see the room. I recognised it from your videos. I swear I didn’t know it was you at the time, not when I started watching them. But then I realised what it was when I picked you up. I was so embarrassed and I was sure somehow you knew I’d seen your account. I couldn’t look you in the eye. I was ashamed. Not to mention you’re my boss, so it’s doubly worse.” I come to a stop and look away. Now he knows and he can do whatever he needs to, sack me or whatever. The silence stretches, feeling like a lifetime, though it can’t have been more than a minute.
“Did you like them?” he asks quietly.
“What?” I don’t know what he means, and I turn my head back to look at him.
“The videos. Did you like them?” he repeats.
“Is that even relevant?” I say sharply. What does it matter if I’m out of here?
“It is to me.” He smiles, a small tentative smile, but it’s there, and his eyes brighten slightly. It’s like he’s seeking my good opinion. He walks across the grove and stands a few feet away from me.
“I’ve watched them all.” It’s not a lie, some of them I’ve watched several times. His face transforms as his mouth stretches slowly into a sexy smirk and his eyes take on their irresistible feline shine.
“I like the thought of you watching them,” he says and drops his eyes before lifting them back to mine. It’s coy, and it shouldn’t work, but try telling that to my body as my nerves tingle in a completely different way.
“Hold on.” I take off my gardening gloves and twist them, giving my hands something to do while I try to get my head round this. “So I’ve been avoiding you because I was embarrassed and thought you’d be able to see that. But you’ve been avoiding me because you thought I was judging you?”
“It seems like it, and yet all this time you’ve been lusting over videos of me.”
“That isn’t helping, Kai.” I clench my teeth as his words bring up images of him naked, which I really don’t need right now.
“I’m not sure what you need help with.” He gives me another smile and my stomach flips over. I need to put a stop to this now.
