I blow out a breath and say, “Him.”
A look of confusion settles on his face so I help clarify it for him.
“Yeah, I came out in college.”
His frown deepens. “Well, I wasn’t expecting that. You were pretty vocal about that from what I recall.”
I wince at his words, even if he did soften my actions and didn’t outright call me a bully.
“You can admit it, Rory. I was a homophobic asshole back then. But people change and it’s a past I’m trying to put behind me.” Instinctively my eyes seek out and find Holden. As soon as I do he looks up at me too. His expression is softer than it was earlier, and his gaze stays on me for a full five seconds before Clara nudges him as if she’s said something to him a couple of times and he hasn’t heard her. He returns his attention to her and I sigh, feeling like I’ve just lost something. I turn back to Rory, only to see he’s been watching me.
“Sorry, I got distracted there for a minute,” I mumble, and he gives me a look full of compassion.
“Well, I’m glad you’ve found yourself, Reece. It’s not an easy thing to do.”
“Thanks—” It’s all I get out before there’s a noise at the end of the room. The principal is standing and knocking a fork against a glass until the room quietens down. He launches into a speech about how pleased he is to welcome us back and the future of the school. I don’t listen too closely. Then he gives over to one of the teachers who looks like they’ve been around since we were last here, but I don’t recall. They announce there’ll be a sharing of stories and memories from some of the former students.
“I’m going to get some air,” I whisper to Rory and Suzie, and they nod in a distracted way. I pass by the bar and get myself a local craft beer before making my escape.
I breathe a sigh of relief as soon as I’m outside. I can’t think of anything worse than listening to accounts of high school. I don’t need any more memories of that time. I vaguely remember reading about it on the invitation email, but I didn’t pay it much attention. Also something about a silly awards ceremony. Urgh, another thing that’s not for me. I could leave now, I’ve shown my face and catching up with Rory was enjoyable, but I don’t want to. Whatever was in that last look from Holden is keeping me here, and I don’t want to leave until I discover what it meant.
I’m certainly not the only one who wants some air, and I pass several people as I walk. Some are in groups talking, and there are a few couples engaging in kissing and possibly more. I laugh to myself. At least at this prom there are no teachers or other members of the staff patrolling to make sure that doesn’t happen.
I make my way toward where the photos were taken earlier and sit on a bench, where I take a long draft of my drink and sit back trying to relax. I look up at the stars, wondering if they look different here from how they do at home in England. It’s amusing how I think of Oxford as home now and not here, butthen I have been there for more than half my life. I relax further and put my hand in my pocket, my fingers closing around a familiar shape. I don’t remember putting it there after I looked at it while getting ready earlier. I pull it out of my pocket and turn it over in my hand, gently tucking the frayed threads back in. I don’t know if I’ll ever tell Holden I have it—not sure what will happen if I do—but having it with me brings me comfort and strength, just like it has for the last twenty years. I put it back in my pocket and rise. I have to find Holden.
When I return to the gym, I’m pleased to find that the awards are over and the music has started. First, I seek out Rory, and he proudly shows me the small trophy he’d won for the thickest thighs after someone had found out about his body building. He whisks Suzie off to dance, the eighties tunes prompting many others to join them on the dance floor.
I scan the room for Holden, finding him talking to a few people whose faces are familiar but I can’t fully recall. His eyes lock onto mine, and like a magnet I feel drawn to him. I make my way across the room. I’m aware this could go horribly wrong, but right now I have nothing to lose.
I stop in front of him and keep my features soft. He doesn’t speak but his face holds an expression that looks almost like hope.
“Holden,” I start. “Would you like to dance?”
CHAPTER TWELVE
Holden
Reece’s words catch me off guard. I was thinking he might want to talk again and I was ready to brush him off. I don’t feel like talking to him, hearing his excuses, not now, not tonight when I’m actually enjoying myself. I don’t know why he’d want to dance with me either, as far as I know he doesn’t even like me. He made that clear in high school, and coming back all these years later, even with an apology, doesn’t necessarily change that.
I hesitate and his expression changes, disappointment taking over. A warmth flares in my chest and propels me forward, toward him.
“Okay,” I whisper and relief floods his face, followed by a smile.
He leads the way onto the dance floor. The song is upbeat, not one I’m totally familiar with but easy enough to dance to. Reece is a good dancer, perhaps due to being able to coordinate his limbs for swimming. I’m not nearly as good a dancer but hedoesn’t seem to notice. A couple of times he gently takes my hand and spins me around, keeping hold of my hand for a few more beats before letting go again.
My heart speeds up, from the exertion of the dance and definitely not from the way he smiles at me every time I look at him.
If anyone had told me I’d be dancing at a prom with my high school bully, I’d have thought them mad and very wrong, but here I am.
I let my mind drift back to long ago, to before Reece started bullying me. Back then I had a different dream about my prom. In that dream we did dance together, in each other’s arms, a slow dance where he held me close, singing the words to me as if he meant them and we were the only people in the world. Then we’d find a way to escape the prom, avoiding all the teachers, and he’d kiss me with just the stars to witness it.
I stumble forward, knocked by a dancer next to me, and Reece catches me, giving the other person a dark glare.
“Are you okay?” he asks, and I nod that I’m alright. He slowly releases me, but not before checking in with me again. The dream has faded and I have the stark realization that the reality is very different. I never went to my high school prom and Reece hated me, so that dream would never have come true. Instead I’m here and feeling foolish for even remembering it. I am here with Reece, but he still doesn’t like me, which is fine as I haven’t forgiven him. I don’t know what I was thinking of, agreeing to dance with him. Damn him and his handsome face. Things will never be any different.
The song changes to a slow dance, and Reece raises his eyebrows. It’s an invitation, but I’ve already let my guard down too much. The memory of my dream has left me feeling raw and exposed. I shake my head and back away, slamming my barriers against him back up. Once again I turn and walk away.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
