“You not coming inside?” I asked softly.
Noah and I hadn’t really been on speaking terms. I was still pissed about a lot of the choices he’d made, but he was my brother. I loved him. I missed him. Having him inside, celebrating with us would’ve made the day feel complete.
Instead of answering, he shifted his attention to Shiloh.
“Can I hold him?” he asked, arms already reaching.
To my surprise, Shiloh went without a fuss. I smoothed my baby’s curls while Noah held him, something tender crossing his face. S3 grabbed my keys, unlocked the truck, and climbed right into the back seat. Seconds later, I heard him rummaging for his action figures.
“You know you always welcome around here, Noah,” I said, trying to lighten the moment.
“I know,” he replied quietly. “I just need to stay away for a bit. Figure my shit out.”
“I can help you,” I said, reaching for his hand.
He finally looked at me, then really looked. “Stormi, if I don’t remember nothing else about this fucked up world, I know one thing. You always gon’ be there for me.”
My chest tightened.
“Seth genes don’t play,” he added with a small smile, nodding toward Shiloh, clearly changing the subject.
I huffed. “Yeah, it’s like I only carried him.”
He laughed softly, then placed his free hand on my belly. “Hopefully, this one come out looking like you.”
I was eight months, and I was ready to have my baby boy..
“Yeah,” I said with a smile, though my eyes stayed on his. Trying to read what he wasn’t saying.
“Mommy Stormi! I found ’em!” S3 announced, climbing out the truck with three action figures clutched to his chest.
I smiled. A basket full of toys was a small price to pay if it meant he stayed happy if he got to stay a kid just a little longer.
Noah handed Shiloh back to me. “I know you got everybody waiting on you,” he said. “I just wanted to give you that and tell you to enjoy everything life got for you.”
He kissed Shiloh, then S3, pulled me into a tight hug, and kissed my cheek before stepping away.
I stood there and watched my brother disappear into the distance, wondering what his next chapter held. I prayed he’d make it out of all this alive, happy, and better than before.
I’d heard he’d been crashing at his dad’s house lately, and that gave me some peace. Even after losing Jo, at least he still had a parent willing to show up for him.
Sometimes that made all the difference. July 17th. The day I lost both my parents. One I barely even knew, the other I had just begun to understand. It hurts more than anything in this world. But I knew Jo was watching over me. And I knew, too, that without the pain, there wouldn’t be any happiness.
I had my husband. My boys. Another baby on the way. Friends who had become family. A life full of love, of purpose, of moments I wouldn’t trade for anything.
A tear threatened to escape, and I quickly brushed it away as Noah disappeared from my view. I let out a slow, steady breath. Locking the doors, I grabbed S3’s hand, feeling his small fingers curl around mine. Together, we walked back toward the front, ready to step back into the celebration, into life; the messy, beautiful life that kept moving forward no matter what. Even in loss, there was still love. And right now, that had to be enough.
“Hey, everything okay?” Seth asked, walking up to us with that easy concern he always carried.
“Yes,” I said, giving him a small smile.
S3 held up his action figures like he’d just discovered treasure. “We found ’em!”
Seth shook his head, chuckling. “They waiting on you, Boss Lady,” he said, leaning down to press a quick kiss to my lips.
I grinned, taking his hand as we started walking. “I see RJ rubbing off on you,” I teased.
“I like the ring to that, Boss Lady,” he said, flashing me a smile that made me have to hold my legs tighter together.
