It was tempting to go for another grandgesture.Mark could spin Lucas around and kiss him the way he hadin the alley, making it clear just how far off base Lucas was.ButMark was pretty sure that if he grabbed Lucas now, in his currentstate, the man would respond with punches, not kisses.So he movedquietly and carefully to his own spot at the window, somewhere inLucas’s peripheral vision but not close enough to seem like athreat.
“That’s not how I feel,” he said.“Not atall.Today was…it was bad, and I need to find a way to keep it fromhappening again.But that way isnotanything to do withyou, or how I feel about you.My family’s important to me, Lucas,and so is my job, but so are you.And you’re the one whoisn’ttrying to make me change.You’re the one who acceptsme as I am, the one I don’t have to hide things from.I know that,Lucas, and I value it.I have no plans to let go of you, not unlessyou make me.”
Lucas kept his gaze on whatever distant spothe was seeing, but Mark could see the words working their waythrough the man’s protective shell.Finally, Lucas said, “It’d beeasier now.We know it’s going to happen, so maybe it should justhappen now.”
“Us breaking up?Or whatever the right wordis.Us stopping?No, I don’t know it’s going to happen.I mean, I’mnot saying we’re going to be together forever, but I’m not sayingwe won’t, either.I care about you, Lucas.Just because it’shappening fast doesn’t mean it isn’t real, and just because thereare reasons we shouldn’t be together doesn’t mean there aren’treasons we should be.”
“Like what?”Lucas demanded, finally turningto face Mark.“What the hell is there that says we should betogether?What reasons have you got that make this make sense?”
“The way you make me feel,” Mark said withouthesitation.“Not just physically, although that’s certainly part ofit.But I feel good when I’m around you.I feel like I’m the personI want to be, not the one everyone else thinks I should be.Whenyou smile, it makes me smile, and when you’re unhappy, I’m unhappy.You’re strong and kind and funny and you talk to squirrels.You’reLucas, and I want to be with you.”
Lucas stared at him for a long moment andMark could see the man’s shoulders slowly sinking, his fistsgradually relaxing back into hands.“Just the one,” Lucas finallysaid.“One squirrel.I don’t talk to all of them.”
“Okay,” Mark said and he let himself shufflea little closer.“Just one squirrel.”
“And maybe her babies,” Lucas admitted.“Ihaven’t seen them yet, but when I see them, I might talk to them alittle.”
“It would be rude not to,” Mark agreed and hetook another step.
“I’m sorry if I overreacted,” Lucas saidsheepishly, his gaze wavering and drifting back toward his escapewindow.
Mark took the final step quickly, but insteadof grabbing Lucas like he wanted to, he reached out and hooked hisfingers inside the waistband of Lucas’s jeans.It felt good, and hecould see why Lucas liked doing it.It felt like he could holdLucas here, keep him from escaping.Lucas looked back at him whenhe felt the gentle pressure from Mark’s grip.
“You didn’t overreact,” Mark said.“This isnew to both of us, and that was a bad situation.I’m sorry.”
Lucas frowned.“Just for the record, I don’tgive a shit about your mother.”He made a face.“I don’t mean that.I mean, I feel bad for what I did to her.I wish there was some wayto make it better, but there isn’t.”He made another face, clearlyfrustrated by the inadequacy of words.But he kept trying.“Butit’s not like I’m dying to meet your family or something.I don’tcare if you ignore me every time you see me when we’re out there.Iget it.I just care about in here.”
“Icare about out there,” Mark said.“But I’m not quite sure how to fix it.I’ll work on it.”
“Some things can’t be fixed.”Lucas wasclearly talking from personal experience.“Sometimes things justsuck and that’s all there is to it.”
“I hope this isn’t one of those times,” Marksaid firmly.“But if it is, we’ll deal with it.Okay?”
Lucas looked like he was deciding whether ornot to argue.Finally, he nodded.“Okay,” he said, but it felt likehe was saying it for Mark’s benefit, not because he actuallybelieved it himself.
Mark had no more words, and he was no longerworried about getting punched, so he tugged a little more onLucas’s jeans and brought their bodies together, then their lips.This was a whole new kind of kiss.They’d had adrenaline-fueledlust, insecurity-based passion, and the sensual exploration of thenight before.Now, Mark was kissing to give comfort.He was tryingto show Lucas how he felt using his body instead of his words, andhe hoped that Lucas would find the physical display moreconvincing.
And that was what God had intended, Markrealized.Sex was fun, but it was also important.Or it could be.And it would be between Mark and Lucas.“Can you stay a while?”heasked, his lips brushing against Lucas’s as he spoke.
“You going to cook again?”
Mark drowned Lucas’s snicker with a kiss.“Icould.Or we could order in.Or…maybe we don’t need food?Not quiteyet?”
Lucas pulled away a little.“Don’t tease,” hesaid firmly.
“I’m not.It feels right, now.Doesn’t itfeel right to you?”
“It’s been feeling right for days to me.”
Well, that was fair enough.“Does itstill?”
Lucas licked his lips and his eyes danced ashe said, “I don’t know.Maybe you could persuade me.”
“Now who’s being a tease?”
“Take your shirt off.”
It wasn’t an outrageous request but thebluntness caught Mark by surprise.“What?”
