Damn it.Mark stood abruptly.“I need to go,”he said.“You’re staying for the afternoon, right?Kelly Abrams istaking you home?”
“That’s the plan,” his mother agreed with afrown.“But why are you leaving so soon?Is it because of thatman?”She sighed deeply.“I know how upsetting it is, Mark, butwhat are you going to do about it?”
“I don’t know,” he said truthfully.He lookeddown at his father.“Dad, it was good to see you, but I need tohead out a bit early.Mom’s going to keep you company.She can tellyou about the bridge tournament.”There was no response, as Markhad come to expect.The doctors said there was still brain activityand they’d all seen temporary moments of consciousness, but as arule, Mark’s father seemed to be absent from his body.
“Mark,” his mother said warningly.“You needto use your head.Don’t do anything stupid.”
He almost laughed but managed to get himselfback under control.“I’ll try,” he assured her.
He left the hospital and drove aimlessly fora while.He knew he should be trying to track Lucas down, but hewas too agitated.He wasn’t entirely surprised when he foundhimself pulling into the familiar parking lot at the church, but hedidn’t let himself in through the back door that led to the officearea.Instead he walked around to the front and found a spot nearthe front of the nave, eased into one of the wooden pews and triedto find the peace that had always come to him in the building.
This was the church where he’d been raised.He carried it with him everywhere he went: the warmth of the woodpews, the taste of the communion wafers.The musty, familiar smellof the prayer books, the way the light shone through the stainedglass.And of course the sounds, the murmur of voices joined inprayer and the choir’s voices filling the space and ringing downfrom the arched ceiling.The church was where Mark went to feelclosest to God.And now, it worked its magic on him again—moreslowly than usual, but steadily.The confusion drained out of himas he was filled with love and comfort and he found himself prayingwithout even intending to do it.He was facing challenges, but hehad his faith.He would allow himself to be guided, and when hecouldn’t discern the will of the Lord he would be confident in hisown judgment, knowing that it was trained and informed by the HolySpirit.Everything was clear to him as long as he stayed still andkept his focus where it should be.
But he couldn’t stay there forever, and assoon as he pushed the heavy doors open and stepped out into thelate afternoon heat, his will took him in a new direction.Heneeded to find Lucas.He needed to apologize, and explain, and tryto figure out some way to make the situation less totally messedup.That was his new priority.
He looked at his watch.Almost five.Anawkward time—Lucas would still be at the farm, assuming he’d goneback out after the hospital, but he’d be about to leave.By thetime Mark drove out there, Lucas would probably be gone.So hepulled his phone out and dialed the familiar number of the halfwayhouse.“Hi, it’s Mark Webber.I was hoping to leave a message forLucas Cain?”
“You can leave a message if you want,” theunfamiliar voice at the other end replied, “Or I can just get himfor you.He’s in the backyard talking to his squirrel.”The voicesounded as if squirrel conversations were a fairly regular part ofLucas’s day.
Mark wasn’t sure how to feel about that, butsurely whatever Lucas was doing wasn’t so important it couldn’t beinterrupted.“If you don’t mind grabbing him, that’d be great.”
“Hang on.”There were muffled noises and Markrealized the phone was being carried outside.“It’s for you,” thevoice said, more distant than before, and then another rustlingshuffle.
Mark could hear Lucas breathing for a momentbefore his cautious, “Hello?”
“Hi, Lucas, it’s me.I need to talk to you,if you have time.I could come there, but there’s not much privacy.Can you come to the apartment?”
“People would see you if you came here,”Lucas agreed.His voice was more tense than it usually was, withundertones that Mark didn’t want to think about too closely.“That’d be bad.I can come to the apartment.”
“Great, thanks.”Mark took a breath.“I’msorry about—” he started, but then he realized that Lucas hadalready disconnected.Well, that was okay.It’d be better toapologize in person anyway.
By the time he made it to the apartment,Lucas was already there, sitting on the concrete steps and staringout at the street.He stood as Mark approached and even from adistance it was easy to see the tension in his body.Mark sighed.He’d really messed this up.
He tried to sound cheerful as he said, “Hi,Lucas.Thanks for coming over on such short notice.”He realizedonce the words were out that they’d sounded strangely formal,almost professional, as if Lucas were one of the people Markcounseled at the church.Or worse, as if he were an employee—atradesman come to repair something in the apartment.
But there was no change in Lucas’sexpression, so maybe he hadn’t noticed.Maybe he wasn’t quite asparanoid as Mark was.“Come on in,” Mark said.
They climbed the stairs in silence and assoon as they were inside the door, Lucas headed for the widewindows in the living room, staring out of them as if he wished hecould fly through the glass and just keep going.Damn.It was thesame strategy he’d used in the courtroom, Mark realized now.Lucaswas taking himself away from a situation he couldn’t deal with,mentally if not physically.Mark had expected the man to be angry,but not to this level.
“I’m sorry,” Mark said sincerely.It seemedlike the best place to start.“I just froze.I’m still not surewhat I should have done differently.I mean, I’ll have to tell herabout this at some point, but it’s all happened pretty fast and Ihaven’t done it yet.And I couldn’t do it there, in a hospitalparking lot…” He stopped talking as his brain kicked into gear,finally thinking about something other than himself.“Why were youthere, Lucas?Is everything okay?”
Lucas didn’t turn to look at him.“Visiting afriend,” he said simply.
“Oh.I hope the friend’s going to beokay.”
Lucas just shrugged, an expression thatdidn’t convey a lack of knowledge so much as it closed the topicfor further questions.The state of Lucas’s friend was none ofMark’s business, apparently.
Mark had no idea what the next step was.“So,yeah, I’m really sorry.I never wanted to…” To what?To hurt Lucas?Was that how Lucas was feeling?It didn’t make sense that he’d feelinsulted…someone else might have, but not Lucas.
Lucas finally turned around.“I get it,” hesaid.“It’s fine.”
“You don’t look like it’s fine.”
Lucas forced a smile onto his face but itlooked ugly and false and he thankfully abandoned the effort.“I’mjust waiting for part two.”
“Part two?”More of an apology?Mark wouldcertainly be happy to do more, if he could only think of what itshould be.
Lucas waited a moment, then turned backtoward the window.“You finally realize what a stupid idea thisis,” he prompted.“You can’t take the risk right now, not with yourfamily all messed up and your job on the line.”His voice wascasual but his fingers were gripping the windowsill so tightly Markwondered if they’d leave imprints.
