A part of him did want to go home.He couldcrawl into his old single bed, hide beneath the covers, and besafe.Maybe if he was lucky, his mommy would cut his toast up intostrips and he could dunk them in a soft boiled egg.Or maybe heneeded to man up.“Thanks, but I think I’m fine.The police arekeeping an eye on things.”
She looked at him for a long moment as ifdeciding whether to disagree, then shook her head impatiently.“Fine.But what is all this about your job?It’s all because ofScott Wilson?I thought you were on leave so you’d have more timefor your father?”
“I was.That was…” How long ago?It seemedlike forever.“That was the original reason.But sincethen…well…I’ve been learning a lot, Mom.I think the church isn’tquite as ready for a gay priest as I thought they were.”
“You told me it wasn’t that unusual!I lookedit up, and there are others!”
That was an interesting point, one that gotMark thinking.Therewereother gay Anglican priests.Theydidn’t have a club or anything, but maybe they should.If he couldtalk to them, share experiences…but that wasn’t what his motherwanted to hear about right then.“There are others.Maybe I’mover-reacting.I did screw up.Terry told me to stay away from AlexWilson, and I didn’t.Maybe this is all just punishment forthat.”
“You always have to do things your way, don’tyou?”There was affection in her voice, but genuine frustration aswell.“Why does it have to be you, jumping into all this?Why doyou have to be the one who helps everyone?Why do you have to comeout and be ‘honest’ about things that are really no one else’sbusiness?”
“Wait.There are two different things, there.I mean, I help people because I believe it’s God’s will.I believeit’s my duty not only as a priest but also as a human being to helpwhenever I can.But coming out?How is that related toanything?”
“You’re not the only gay person in town, youknow.But you’re the one who has to announce it and draw this sortof attention.”
“I came out more than ten years ago, Mom.This is the first time there’s been a serious problem.”
She stared at him.“Are you joking?The firsttime?”She waited for a response that he didn’t give her, thenshook her head.“There are people in this town who still won’t talkto you, and who barely talk to me!There was…you know about thepetition at church when you were appointed, don’t you?I know wenever discussed it, but you knew!”
“I’m not saying there haven’t beenobstacles.”And now that she was mentioning them, he wasremembering more.The awkward silences when he joined certainconversations, the parishioners who would go without pastoral carerather than have him visit them in the hospital, the way Terrysometimes steered him away from certain committees or activities.He’d always been aware of it, and it had bothered him, but ithadn’t shaken him, not like the current situation had.“It’sbecause this is from the church itself,” he said.As soon as hesaid the words he knew they were true.“Because before, it wasparishioners, or members of the community, and I thought, okay, I’mhere to help them learn.I’m here to show them that there’s nothreat and I can be a good priest.But now it’s the bishop, Mom.Orhigher, even.I don’t even know.I talked to a lawyer, and he’slooking into it, trying to figure out what’s going on.But if it’sas big as it seems, as big as Terry thinks it might be, then Idon’t know.I guess…I guess they think I’m wrong.I guess theythink I’m not doing a good job at helping people learn.But Ithought I was doing a good job.So either they’re wrong or I am,and I really don’t know which would be worse!”
Another long, assessing look, and then sheasked, “Who’s your lawyer?Someone good?”
“Daniel Cohen.He seems fine so far.”
“If you’re taking on the Anglican church, youneed better than ‘fine’.I’ll ask around.”She fixed him with asteely glare.“It is not the custom of this family to pick fightswith respected community organizations.But if we were to findourselves in such an altercation, Mark, we would fight.Together.”She leaned over and took her husband’s unresponsive hand.“So, I’llask about the lawyer and you’ll keep me better informed than youhave been.Understood?”
“Yes.”He felt that he’d been dismissed, sohe stood, then leaned to take his father’s other hand.“You marriedan Amazon, Dad.Better do what she says.”
“We’ve been married for almost forty years,Mark.He knows when to keep his head down.”She smiled fondly atthe man in the bed, then smoothed his hair back from his forehead.“He knows I’ll take care of him.”
Mark nodded, not sure that he trusted hisvoice to make it past the sudden lump in his throat.He swallowedhard, muttered his goodbyes, and retreated.Almost forty years.Andending like this?Surely not.
He couldn’t think about that.He’d go home tohis fresh scrubbed door and plywood-covered kitchen window, andhe’d try not to think about any of it.He’d try not to think atall, but he didn’t think he had much chance of managing it.
ChapterThirty-Three
Lucas hadn’t had a problem with his nineo’clock curfew since he started working at the farm.Having to beat work before sunrise made an early bedtime a necessity, not avirtue.So he was already asleep when someone knocked on the doorof his room and then pushed it gently open.
“Luke?Hey, Luke, the phone’s for you.”Itwas Chris, a former resident who’d graduated to being a nightsupervisor.
Lucas pushed himself upright and tried toclear the sleep from his brain.He looked at the glowing digitalclock on the dresser, then back at Chris.
Chris nodded, his head silhouetted againstthe light coming in from the hall.“Yeah, it’s after hours.But theguy said it was an emergency.He sounded like he meant it.”
Lucas swung his feet over the side of the bedand reached for the phone Chris was holding out to him.Was itAlex?Who else would call him in an emergency?“Hello?”
“Lukey.”It was Sean.“If you’re seriousabout looking after that priest?You need to give him a head’s up.The boys are going for him tonight.”
“Going for him?”That woke Lucas up prettyfast.“How hard?”
There was a pause, then Sean said, “Prettyhard.I wouldn’t have called you if they were going to egg his caror something.”
“Fuck.Where?When?”
“They’re waiting for him outside hisapartment.”
Lucas checked his watch.It was nine thirty.What time did priests go to bed?“He’s not home yet?”
