Lucas wasn’t really sure that was true, buthe couldn’t think of a way to convince Alex.Besides, the boyneeded to talk to someone he knew well, someone he trusted.Lucassat on the bench with his shoulder tight against Alex’s and staredat the garden as if it could give him the answers.He knew who Alexneeded to talk to.But how on earth could Lucas ask Mark Webber toget involved?How could he even bring himself to dial the man’sphone number?
He looked over at Alex.Alex was his friend,and he needed help.Lucas might have abandoned most of the moralcode he’d been raised with, but there were some aspects he clungto.His friend needed help.Lucas had to at least try to provideit.
So he heaved himself to his feet and said,“Stay here, okay?I’ll be back in a minute.”
Alex looked like he might object, but then hejust nodded.His tractability was the final evidence of hisdejected state, and Lucas headed for the house.There was a list ofemergency numbers by the phone in the kitchen.Mark Webber’s hadbeen scratched out and replaced, but Lucas was pretty sure theoriginal digits were still legible.If they weren’t, he’d findanother way to reach the priest.Now that he’d decided what heneeded to do, he was damn well going to do it.
ChapterTwenty-Four
Mark didn’t think he’d ever heard Lucas Cainspeak more than a couple words in a row.But now, his voice on thephone a strange mix of anxiety and determination, the man waspractically babbling.
“I’m really sorry to bother you.I just…Alexis here, and he’s pretty messed up.He needs some help, and hetrusts you.I don’t know who else to call.I can leave as soon asyou get here.Or I can walk him over to you somewhere, and thenleave him there, or wait outside for him, or…whatever you want.Heneeds help.Can you help him?”
Mark knew what he was supposed to do.He wassupposed to call Terry, or maybe even Mr.Wilson.He’d tell themwhere Alex was and that would be the end of his involvement.Beforeleaving the church that afternoon Terry had made it crystal clearthat there should be no contact between Mark and the boy until Mr.Wilson okayed it.And of course Mark wasn’t supposed to be dealingwith Lucas Cain, either.Terry hadn’t left any doubt about eitherof those expectations.Terry was a friend, but he was also Mark’sboss.Worse than all that…Mark had taken a vow when he’d beenordained, promising before God that he would obey his bishop andthose in authority over him.He’d sworn to it.
But for some reason, he couldn’t walk awayfrom this.“Keep him there.I’ll be over in ten minutes.Okay?”
“Yeah, okay.I’m really sorry…”
Mark hit the button to end the call.Hedidn’t want to hear the man’s apology, not for this.He was halfwayto the car when he remembered that he hadn’t wanted to hear anapology for Cain’s greater sin, either.Or at least, Mark’s motherhadn’t wanted to hear it, and he and his father had gone along withher wishes.Victim reconciliation, that’s what the social workerhad called it.But the victim was dead and gone, safely beyondfeeling blame or forgiveness.For the first time, Mark wonderedwhat Cain would have said, if he’d been given the chance to speakto the grieving family.
But that was a thought for another time, andMark spent most of the short drive trying to figure out what onearth he was going to say to Alex.The kid was stubborn; it was agreat strength, most of the time, but it might be a weakness inthis case.If he’d already decided what the best outcome of thesituation was, there probably wasn’t going to be much Mark could doto change his mind.Of course, maybe it wasn’t Mark’s role tochange the kid’s mind.Maybe he should just focus on helping Alexachieve whatever it was he’d decided to want.
It felt odd to be back at the halfway houseafter so much time, and Mark noticed a few little changes as hewalked around to the back of the building.He wasn’t sure why hedidn’t go inside first, but something told him that Alex would wantto stay outdoors, and that Cain wouldn’t object.
Sure enough, they were sitting at the picnictable, leaning against the table part with their legs outstretchedas they looked over the garden at the setting sun.They were facingaway from Mark, and he took a moment to watch them.If he hadn’tknown differently, he might have thought they were just enjoyingthe evening air, but he noticed how Alex was huddled in close toCain, as if looking for warmth or comfort.Or intimacy, Marksupposed, but Alex had said there was nothing happening on thatfront, and there was nothing truly incriminating in their poses.Two friends, one of whom needed some physical contact.For a crazymoment Mark envied their wordless comradeship, but then heremembered why he was there.The scene might appear peaceful, butthat didn’t mean there wasn’t turmoil under the surface.
“Hey, Alex,” he said softly as he approached.“How’re you doing?”
Alex turned.His eyes were red and swollenand his voice was scratchy as he said, “I’ve been better.”
Cain jerked awkwardly to his feet.“I’ll goinside,” he said.“I can watch from the window and you can wave ifyou need me.”
Alex looked like a toddler being asked tosurrender his teddy bear but it was Mark who spoke up and said,“No, you should stay.You’re part of Alex’s team.He needsyou.”
Cain started to speak, then stopped.He heldhis hands out in front of him as if trying to mold an answer fromthe air, then let them fall to his sides.Finally, he sank backdown next to Alex, and they both swung their legs around so theywere facing Mark across the table.Alex stared at him demandingly.Cain kept his gaze locked on the table.
“I’m not going to pretend to be someone I’mnot,” Alex said, his chin jutting out.As Mark had expected, thekid was battered but still ready for a fight.“He can’t make mestraight, and I won’t let him make me ashamed.”
“Okay.”Mark meant it.There was no way hewas going to argue with that sentiment.“So where does that leaveyou?Lucas said you were talking about moving out.Is that really astep you need to take?”
Without defiance, Alex didn’t seem to havemuch energy left at all.“You don’t know him,” he said miserably.“Neither one of you does.You don’t understand how he can…once hedecides on something, that’s it.He won’t let it go, won’t letanybody rest until he’s got what he wants.”
“And what does he want now?”
“A straight son.So, I guess he’snotgoing to get what he wants, not this time.But he doesn’t actuallycare if I’m straight or not, inside…he just wants astraight-actingson.Like I was until a few months ago, atleast around him.But I can’t…if I do that, if I go backward…”
“What will he do if you don’t?”Mark leanedin a little.“Is there a risk that he’ll get physical withyou?”
“I almost wish he would,” Alex saidsoftly.
“No you don’t.”They were the first wordsCain had spoken since the discussion began and he kept his gazelocked on the table top, but he kept going.“It’d make thingsclearer, right?Like, if he hits you, he’s a bad dad.Plain andsimple, you can announce it to the world and nobody can argue withyou.Right?”
“Yeah, exactly.If he’d hit me, we wouldn’tbe having this big discussion.Everyone would just say, ‘yeah, ofcourse Alex, you need to move out.’And I would.”
“But he’d still be your dad.Even if he’s nota good dad, he’s still…” Cain trailed off, then shrugged.“You’dthink it’d be clearer.But it isn’t.Not really.”
Mark couldn’t think about the experiencesthat had informed Cain’s perceptions, not right then.“It’s alllargely theoretical, right now.You say there’s no reason tobelieve he’d be physically violent.But he’d be…what?”
