“He just…he keeps at you.Like, everythingyou say, he’ll turn it around to be about what he wants it to beabout.He’ll yell, sure, but he’ll also…he’ll make me feel like I’man idiot, or a pervert.If I don’t do what he wants, he just…helooks at me like I’m dirt, like I’m the hugest disappointmentever.”Alex looked from Mark to Cain, and then back.“It doesn’tsound like much, I know.But it’s…it’s exhausting.”He turned backto Cain.“What you were saying earlier, about needing to stay here,because you weren’t as brave as me?The problem is, I’m not thatbrave.It just about kills me every time I have to stand up to him.I can’t do it forever.I can’t do it any more at all.”
Mark had counseled enough troubled teenagersto know when one was on the edge, and he could see the signs ofcrisis in Alex.But seeing the problem didn’t make it that mucheasier to solve.“I think this is going to be something we have towork at, long term.We’re not going to settle anything right away.All we can do right now is find you somewhere safe to sleeptonight.”Alex wasn’t looking at him anymore, so Mark leanedforward a little.His hand itched to reach out to the boy, to lethis touch give comfort and request attention, but he knew therules.No physical contact—it was too risky.Perception was moreimportant than reality.
But Cain somehow seemed to sense what Markwanted, and he nudged Alex’s shoulder.When the boy looked up, Cainjerked his head in Mark’s direction.And he did it all withoutseeming to look up from the table.
Alex returned his gaze to Mark’s, and Marksaid, “When I say ‘safe’, I don’t just mean safe from outsidetrouble.I mean safe from you too.I need to know that you’re notgoing to make any bad decisions.No running away, no destructivebehavior.Nothing that will make all of this worse than it is.”Mark didn’t think the kid was a suicide risk, at least not yet, sohe left his warning there.“Do you understand what I’m asking ofyou?I’ll find you a safe bed, and you’ll go to it and sleep in itand wake up and eat some breakfast tomorrow morning.Then you’ll goto school as if nothing’s happening.”
“I could go to the farm,” Alex said quickly.“Couldn’t I?”
“The farm instead of school?I don’t thinkso.Not yet, Alex.That’s the sort of thing that’s going to getyour dad worked up, not calmed down.”He decided to be a bit moreopen—the kid was sixteen, after all.Mark was bracing himself for afight to give the kid a voice in his own decisions, so he shouldfollow his own convictions and give the boy the big picture.“Mostof the times in a situation like this…well, honestly Alex, most ofthe time we find somewhere for the kid to cool down for a few daysand he ends up going home on his own.”He quickly held up a hand toforestall Alex’s protest.“I don’t think this is going to be one ofthose situations.So the next most common way we’d solve somethinglike this would be to find the kid somewhere to live that both thekid and the parent agree on.It’s got to be a real agreement.You’re sixteen years old, so the cops aren’t going to force you togo back home.But the courts won’t force your dad to pay your way,either, and you’re legally required to go to school.So if we can’tget your dad to contribute voluntarily you’ll need to try forwelfare, and that means social workers and maybe the courts andeverything gets way more complicated than it needs to be.Youunderstand what I’m saying?”
“I should play nice?”Alex asked with thebeginnings of a sneer.“So Daddy will give me money?”
Cain’s shoulder-nudge was sharper this time.“You should play smart,” he said firmly.“You want to be a vet,right?You need good grades for that, and it’ll be hard to getgrades if you’re working full time to pay your rent.”
Mark let the words sink in, then added,“You’re a good kid, Alex, and you’re doing well at school, notgetting in trouble—all the easily measurable aspects of asuccessful childhood, you’ve got covered so far.If those externalindicators go down, it’s going to be pretty hard to convince anyonethat you’re better off on your own.”
“So I go to school tomorrow.”
“Ideally, yes.For tonight, I’m thinking oftaking you down to The Core—it’s a youth center down by thehighway.They don’t usually take overnighters, but I know they havein the past, short term.They’ll encourage you to call your fatherto let him know you’re okay.And I’m going to ask you to call thepolice and let them know what’s going on as well.Just so they havethe background if your dad calls them for any reason.Tomorrow,we’ll try to get you connected with a social worker, but with theircaseload it’ll take a while.If we can have a plan figured outbefore they get involved, they’d be happiest to just rubber stampit and move on.”
“Okay, yeah.A plan.”Alex looked at Markearnestly.“And do we have one of those?”
“Nope.Not yet.Look, you’ve had a rough day.You need a shower and a bed.We can brainstorm some options in thecar, if you want me to drive you down to the shelter.They’ll havetoothbrushes and basic stuff down there, if you’re okay wearingtoday’s clothes to school tomorrow.”
“Better that than going home to pick upsomething else to wear.”
“Sooner or later you’re probably going towant a face-to-face meeting.But, no, I don’t think it needs to betonight.”
“Can I still go to the farm tomorrow?Afterschool?”
Mark bit his lip.It was such a naturalrequest.Even before the crush on Cain, Alex had loved being outthere working with the animals.“Probably not a good idea.It seemsto be one of the things that’s setting your dad off.”
“I can explain it to Elise,” Cain saidquickly.“And I can pick up the slack.It’ll be fine.”He pausedonly a moment before adding, “It’s not like you do much work outthere anyway.”
“I don’t get much work done?”Alex’s mockoutrage was a welcome glimmer of his usual personality.“I’m justworried about how you’ll get along without me there to tell youwhat to do.I need to get you a cell phone so I can provideleadership from a distance.”
“Yeah, okay Mr.Moneybags, get me a cellphone.Right after you figure out how you’re going to pay for yourbreakfast.”
Alex actually laughed a little at that.“It’snot like you’re rolling in cash either, you know.”
Cain extended his hands to his sides in amockingly tough pose, like a Jersey Shore guido.“Hey.I got a roofover my head.More than some people can say.”
It wasn’t especially sophisticated or witty,but the exchange left both of them smiling, and when Alex nudgedhis shoulder into Cain’s and Cain nudged back a little stronger,the warmth was clear.Cain might not be able to look Mark in theeyes, but he was looking out for his friend.He’d been so nervouswhen he’d called Mark, so clearly violating a boundary that he’dwanted to respect, but he’d done it because his friend needed himto.
“You have a cell phone, right Alex?”
Alex looked almost startled, as if he’dforgotten Mark was there, but he recovered quickly and nodded.“Until my dad deactivates it.”
“Let’s not go looking for trouble.Lucas, youhave phone privileges at the house, right?”Mark waited for hisprompts to pay off.
“Yeah.It’s only one line so we’re notsupposed to go crazy, but I could call you tomorrow, Alex.Notlooking for leadership.Just…you know.To check in and make sureyou’re okay.Maybe after dinner?”
Alex nodded slowly.“Yeah.Okay.I don’t knowwhere I’ll be, but wherever it is, I bet I’ll want a phonecall.”
“All right, then.”Mark rose to his feet, andafter a moment’s hesitation, the other two followed suit.“We’llget it figured out.”He wished he had a chance to get Cain alonefor the next part but he didn’t think Alex was going to willinglygo out to the car alone.So he said, “Lucas, what’s happened in thepast…we need to leave that in the past.Alex needs you now, and Ithink you were right to call me, because I think he needs me aswell.He needs both of us.So I need to forgive you.And, Lucas, Ithink you need to forgive yourself.It’s not a question offorgetting what happened, but if we can think of it as God’s will,some inexplicable part of His plan, then maybe it’s easier to starttrying to figure out what the next step is in His plan foryou.”
Cain finally looked at Mark, but even in thedim glow from the porch light Mark could see the doubt in his greeneyes.“When I was inside…in prison…they kind of told us theopposite.They said we had to take responsibility for our actions.It…it made sense to me.”
