Cain didn’t seem impressed by Mark’s bedsidemanner.Or maybe he was just tired.“They want me in overnight.Hopefully out tomorrow.”
“You know this may result in a revocation ofyour parole, don’t you?You were released under very strictconditions, so fighting isn’t only a crime in the regular way, foryou—it’s also a violation of your parole.”It wasn’t as satisfyingas Mark had expected when he was able to say, “You may be gettingout of the hospital tomorrow, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be afree bird.You could be heading back to jail.And even if yousomehow squirm out of that, you’ll need to find somewhere else tolive.The halfway house has strict rules about fighting, and aboutcriminal behavior in general.”
There was no reaction.None of the whiningand excuse-making Mark had wanted to hear.Just stoic silence asthe man lay so quietly it seemed like he might be asleep.“Okay,”Cain finally said without even opening his eyes.“Iunderstand.”
It was completely unsatisfying.Mark wantedto shake Cain, wanted to squeeze him until some emotion leaked out.He was facing a return to prison, and he didn’t seem to care.IfCain didn’t hate being jailed, then he really hadn’t been punishedat all for Jimmy’s death.Mark wanted to punch something, orsomeone.Instead, he pushed away from the metal bed rail.“Fine.I’ll speak to Darren and see what he’s planning to do.He’ll letyou know.”
No response.Mark wished there was a door hecould slam instead of a flimsy curtain to muddle his way through.Cain hadn’t learned a damn thing.He was just as selfish, just asdangerous, as he’d always been.
Mark was heading down the wide staircaseleading to the front hospital doors when he heard his name spokenby the man jogging up the stairs toward him.Jerked out of histhoughts, Mark stared blankly for a moment before he recognized theother man.“Constable Singh.Hi.You here for Lucas Cain?”
The officer nodded.“Quite a mess.I’m tryingto get it figured out, but he’s not cooperating.”
Mark snorted.“Did you really expect him to?I mean, you’re going to get him sent back to prison, right?If youcharge him with assault, or whatever it is people get charged withfor fighting in public, that’ll violate his parole, right?”
Singh stared blankly at Mark.“Fighting?Parole violation?Not unless you know something we don’t.”Hewaited for Mark to supply extra information, but when Mark stayedsilent, the officer said, “Witnesses say it was a beating, not afight.Three guys found the victim in a park, in full view ofseveral cars, and started whaling on him.At first I was worriedthat it was some sort of vigilante thing, people upset about himbeing released so soon.But we had two people close enough to hearthem yelling homophobic slurs at him.This wasn’t a fight, Mark.Itwas a hate crime.”
It took several heartbeats for that statementto sink into Mark’s brain.Or rather, it took that long for thestatement to fight past the immediate and powerful defenses thatsprang up against it.Denials, refusals, justifications—Mark’sconstant companions ever since Cain’s release.He stared at thepolice officer.“Three men?Homophobic slurs?”
“Apparently.”The officer shrugged.“I’dnever heard Cain was gay, to be honest.He has a history withwomen.No long-term relationships, though.But really, none of hisfriends are in anything long-term either.Hell, maybe they’re allgay.A gang of gay thugs cruising through town, drinking andfighting like good ol’ boys…” He stopped talking and smiledapologetically.“Sorry if that’s in poor taste.It just kind ofamuses me.”His face grew serious.“Right up to the point when oneof them gets assaulted in broad daylight in a city park.”And thenhis frown deepened.“But what are you doing here?Just herevisiting someone, or are you…you aren’t planning to do somethingstupid, are you?You need to stay away from Lucas Cain.”
“I’ve already done something stupid,” Marksaid dully.The officer’s words were running through his brain.Three men.Victim.Gay bashing.He couldn’t even try to pretendthat he wasn’t responsible, and if he accepted that, then he had tosee his actions for what they were.“Stupid, arrogant, hateful.Sinful.I’ve already done it.”
Singh cocked his head to one side as if hisdetective’s instinct worked best when his brain was slightly askew.“Something criminal?”He sounded like he was just continuing acasual conversation, but Mark knew the man was on the job.
“I have no idea.I don’t think so.”Markcouldn’t worry about that, not right then.If he had broken thelaws of the land, he’d accept the consequences, but he was muchmore concerned about the newfound clarity with which he realizedthat he’d broken the laws of God.Repeatedly, casually,gratuitously.His brain was spinning, his stomach was whirling.Itseemed impossible that all that tumult could occur without somehowbursting out through his thin skin.And the officer was looking athim strangely, but Mark knew that was because of the words he’dsaid, not the guilt he was hiding.“I need to go,” he said.“Ididn’t…”
He’d been going to say that he hadn’t hurtCain, lying there in his hospital bed, but it wasn’t quite true.Mark’s actions had put Cain in that bed, and he couldn’t lethimself deny that anymore.“Cain is safe.He’s recovering.If yousee him, could you tell him…tell him he can come back to thehalfway house.There was some confusion…I thought he was in afight, something he’d started…”
“Wait a second.Are you telling me Lucas Cainis living in the halfway house you’re in charge of?Mark, that is aterrible idea.Can’t you see that?”
“I can.Now.I…I won’t be in charge of it.When he comes back.There’ll be someone else there.”Yes.That wasa good first step.Mark could do at least that much.“I’ll takecare of it.”
Singh looked skeptical, but nodded slowly.“I’ll pass the message along.And I’ll speak to his parole officerand make sure he understands that unless we uncover new facts we’retreating Cain as a victim, not an offender.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t mention the ‘gay’aspect.I don’t think…” No.Mark wouldn’t allow himself to talkaround this, looking for a way to make his guilt seem less.“Ithink that’s my fault.Three men came to the house earlier, lookingfor Cain, and I asked if one of them was his boyfriend.I impliedthat Cain was gay.I’m…I’m very afraid that my saying that mighthave caused all this.”
Singh was silent for a moment before saying,“Seems likely.”He waited for a moment, letting Mark absorb thereality of that statement, then said, “So you could describe thethree men?’Cause our witnesses mostly saw them from the back, orfrom a distance, and Cain isn’t saying anything.”
“I could,” Mark confirmed.“One of them wasnamed Sean.I think he’s the person Cain was living with when hewas first released.”
“Sean Gage,” Singh said, and there was clearsatisfaction in his voice.“Damn, though.He and Cain have beentight since they were little kids.”And then, with a blessed senseof mercy, he added, “Seems like it would take more than a few wordsfrom a stranger to get between those two.And Cain moved out of thehouse for some reason, right, even before you said what youdid?”
“Sean came by to invite Cain to move back,”Mark forced himself to say.“It sounded like they’d had a littlefight, but Sean was ready to make it up.And I couldn’t stand thethought of that, of Cain living happily in his little family whilemy family is…” He stopped himself and took a deep breath thatshuddered through the tightened muscles of his chest.“Do you wantthe descriptions now?Or can I speak to you tomorrow?”
“I’d like to get in to see Cain before theward shuts down for the night.If you’re available tomorrow, thatwould be great.”
“You can reach me through the church.Whenever you need me.”
Singh nodded and headed up the stairs andMark stood there alone, half-way down.He gripped the railing as ifit were the only thing keeping him upright.He had sinned, and notjust by lying to Cain’s friends.He’d been sinning since he firstheard of Cain’s release.He’d given in to anger.He’d judged hisfellow man.He’d been too arrogant to take the help the rectoroffered him.
But he could no longer be so proud.He pulledhis cell phone out of his pocket and looked at the time displayedon its screen.Almost ten o’clock, and Terry usually went to bedearly.But Mark couldn’t wait.He found the familiar number andlistened to the phone ringing a few times before Terry’s familiarvoice answered.
“It’s Mark Webber, Father.”Mark tried togather his thoughts.“I need to speak to you.I’d like to make myconfession to you, if you have time.”Then he forced himself toadd, “And I think I need to talk to you about changing my workassignment.I’ve made some mistakes.My judgment is…I’ve allowedmyself to make bad decisions.”
There was only a moment’s pause before Terrysaid, “Come to the church, Mark.I’ll meet you in my office.”
“Thank you, Father.”Mark hung up the phone,then let himself stand for a moment to gather his strength.He’dtaken a first step, but that was all it was.He needed to continue.He had strayed from the path of righteousness, but he could stillreturn to it.
