"Good," Max said. "Then I'll give you more details as we get closer. I'm guessing you know the hotel. That means I'll see you three Sunday evening."
"Bye, Max," Cody said, making Tanner and me say the same.
She hung up and put her phone back in her pocket, but Tanner was still typing. "I can drive up there if you want, J.D.," he offered. "Then you and Cody can stay here and get a few days alone."
"Naw." I shook my head. "We gotta sign with Max too. I mean, Isabella will be glad to get me outta her hair, and Mama'll be sad we're not staying, but it ain't that far. I can drive back - or they can come visit."
"True," Cody said. "Plus, I want to know what deal you're getting."
"Shit, I'd tell you," Tanner said.
I nodded, closed the laptop, and leaned back. "So, if you get a sponsor, then what?"
"Um, since I don't know the deal..." Tanner said, leaving that hanging to prove his point. He had nothing to work with, so couldn't make plans around it.
"Ok, so let's say it means you're still on the road with us," I said next, trying a new angle. "We still down for starting shit?"
"Got nothing to lose," Cody said. "So I'm down for it."
"Oh, I'm definitely starting shit," Tanner said. "I was keeping my secret to myself. The PBR wants to punish me for it, so I'll start screaming it out loud."
"But what if that fucks Jorge and Isaac's deal?" Cody asked.
Tanner shrugged. "Then they can work with someone else." He lowered himself into the chair next to me. "I'm serious about this. I'm done pretending to be straight. Now, I don't have to drag you into it, J.D. I'm pretty sure I can figure out-"
"No," I said. "We're a thing. The three of us are the real deal, and I'm not looking to hide that." But I turned to look at Cody. "I just wanna know what we're doing now."
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"Us," I said, gesturing for her to sit too. "Cody, this thing? Me, you, and him? We're like a real thing, right? Not for now, but maybe for a while. Hopefully forever?"
"I'd like to think so," she said, glancing at Tanner as if seeking some backup.
"Hard to know the future," Tanner said, "but yeah. This isn't a fling for me."
"Or me," Cody said.
"Or me," I assured them. "I mean, I'm lookin' at houses and shit. Like, I want this to be a whole future for us. Now, I also know she dumped Ty real quick when he fucked up, and I ain't planning to fuck up, so I'm not asking about some kind of promises or anything. But I'm just saying... Like, we're us? A threesome for the long haul and shit?"
"Yeah," Cody said. Tanner was nodding.
"So, I wanna put something out there," I decided, feeling my insides twist up. "Right here, right now, while we don't have no one listening in, and ain't no reason to be worried about shit, right?"
"Just say it, J.D.," Tanner encouraged.
Yeah, that sounded easy and shit, but I wasn't so good with it. This? What I was about to say, they might take it wrong. I could easily piss them off, but I needed to put it out there, because I knew how fucked up shit could get.
"I don't wanna make us exclusive," I said.
"What?!" Tanner gasped.
But Cody was nodding. The sort that looked more like thinking than agreeing. "Ok. Why?"
"Now, hear me out?" I begged. "See, I'm just thinking that we're making all these plans. And we're talking about having nothing to lose, right? But that's the thing. I do have something to lose." I looked at Cody first, then over to Tanner. "I got both of you, and I don't wanna lose that. And I don't wanna have it be because some fan kisses him, or some guy shoves his tongue down Cody's throat, get me? I don't wanna make it some hard rule that we gotta worry about."
"But why?" Tanner asked.
My eyes went back to the laptop. To where I'd just spent about an hour daydreaming all the what-ifs I could imagine. For the first time in a real long time, I'd tried to imagine a forever like most people had, and it didn't fit us. I just couldn't make it work without finding all the problems, and I didn't wanna lose these two. Not because of some stupid shit, or big shit, and certainly not for the little shit.
