Which made me snort out a giggle. "I mean, thatistempting."
"And it's just money," J.D. said. "Shit, I got plenty of it. Mama made me pay a guy to do things so I won't run out. Like, investments, get me? She said I can't drink it all away, and I'm gonna need some when I'm old and all these injuries catch up with me. But that's the thing. I'm not that young no more. And..." He looked over at Tanner. "You don't need to do this because you need money. You need to do this because you want it."
"I do and I don't," Tanner admitted.
And that made complete sense to me. "I want to push back," I said. "I want to make it like it used to be. Well, more like I wanted it to be, because I haven't been doing this long enough to really have a good 'used to' to judge by, but you know what I mean."
"I do," Tanner assured me. "But that 'used to' bit is based on being a straight man. I'm not straight and you're not a man."
"Exactly," I agreed. "But there's this little part of me...."
"What?" J.D. begged.
"I want to push back," I tried to explain. "I want to shove it all in their faces, but at the same time, I'm not willing to die for it. I don't want to end up like Casey, because it's not worth that! This is a sport, and while it was my escape plan, dying isn't a plan!"
"Naw, it ain't," he agreed, watching me closely. "But do you still love it?"
"I love the bull riding part," I said. "I love that feeling. For eight seconds, I'm invincible, and there's no feeling like it."
"Like I have all the power in my hands," Tanner said. "I'm the hero for a moment, and I'm not fucking shit up. I know how to save the day, which way to move, and it's like..." He glanced over to the pond, his eyes losing focus. "Me, the guy who's not the tallest, or hottest, or most famous. For that one moment, I have it all. There's a rush, like knowing this will hurt if I fuck it up, but I also know I won't. It's what I'mgoodat, and I'm damned good at this."
"Yeah," J.D. agreed. "You really are, Tanner. You're also a really good boyfriend. I bet you'd be a damned good rancher too - but that should be 'one day,' not today."
I nodded. "So, what does all of this mean?"
Tanner chuckled once. "I think it means we've got nothing left to lose, Cody. No more hiding. No more holding back. I'll keep sitting on the rail, and if anything goes wrong while you're on a bull, I'll jump that damned rail again and stop it." He turned to J.D. "Same for you."
"And I'm coming out," J.D. said. "If they don't like it, then let them kick me off. I'm rich enough I'll sue the shit outta them. You should do the same, Cody. I mean, about being a girl instead of bi, but yeah."
"Wait, wait, wait," I begged. "All of that is great, but when do we stop?"
"When it's not worth it," J.D. said.
Tanner shook his head, though. "When doing it means less than quitting. When spending a month at home, together, sounds like it's a better idea."
I heard them both. I did, but when I put their words together, it made me realize something else. "Y'all, you realize you're saying it doesn't matter if they kick us out, right? That when we go back in Nashville, we don't have to play it safe, or give a shit about sponsors. That we don't have to avoid the fines, or worry about getting fired."
"Yeah," J.D. said. "This is it. We're gonna go start shit. We're going to make this the biggest damned strike the PBR's ever seen, and if we say something they don't like? Well, fuck 'em. We're gonnamakethem get rid of us, and then we'll make 'em regret it."
"And if they don't kick you off the tour?" Tanner asked.
But I had that answer. "Then we ride on, Tanner. And we keep riding on - or not riding as the case may be. We cowboy up - "
"Cowgirl," J.D. corrected. "Cody, takes a hell of a lot more balls to be a cowgirl right now than a cowboy."
"Ok, then we cowgirl up and remind the PBR that we're the crazy fuckers. We're the thing people pay to see, but we're not replaceable. We take risks, push boundaries, make new records, and let the fans adore us. We scream at the cameras, and yell at the reporters. We stop acting like their pawns, and make the PBR remember that we're the ones doing the work.Theycan play itourway, or they can fuck off."
"Yeah," J.D. almost purred. "I like the way you think, rookie."
"And then we keep pushing," Tanner said. "And pushing and pushing. Maybe what we're pushing for will change, but ifyou two are serious, that puts us in the position to actually do something about this. We're not worried about how to get you two to the next event. We're not worried about whether or not anyone likes us, because you're already sponsored."
"Shit," J.D. breathed. "You're right! Max made sure I'm safe. Cody is too. We ain't got nothing holding us back anymore."
"And everyone else does," I said. "They all have something to lose, but we three are able to risk it all, because this? It's not our goal anymore. I mean, not mine at least."
"Or mine," Tanner agreed.
"Or mine," J.D. said. "So yeah. Nashville. Time to pull it all out of our boots and ride the fuck on until we can't ride no more."
