"Why?" I pressed. "You done with bull riding now? Lost the girl so going to give up?"
"No!" He grunted, making it clear that wasn't his intention at all. "I just mean the bullshit has lost its appeal. I don't want to get drunk every night to make the aches go away. I don't want to keep fucking everything that catches my eye, because I'm going to end up catching something eventually. Possibly a kid from a woman I didn't like in the first place."
"There's that," I agreed.
"What I want," he said, "is to figure out how to be a real man. The problem is I haven't seen many of them in my life.I mean..." He chuckled once, but the sound was dry, almost sarcastic. "That's how I fucked up with Cody, you know. All my life, I've been a good-looking man. I was convinced that made the world my oyster. Anything I wanted, I could have. I mean, shit. I got into the PBR easier than a lot. Granted, I lived right on the damned rodeo circuit, so I didn't have to work hard to get my points."
"Yeah, I had to chase them," I admitted.
"But every man in my life kept pumping me full of these ideas about what it meant to be a man," Ty went on. "Big, tough, loud, brave, and all that bullshit. Not once was compassionate ever mentioned. Nope, that was for my sisters. But watching Cody break into the Tough Enough series? I've had to rethink a lot. J.D.? He was supposed to be the crazy fucker, but I'm starting to think he's the only man I know who's figured it out. Well, and you."
"Figured what out?" I asked, not sure if I was keeping up.
Ty lifted his beer and took another long sip. "How to be a real man."
"Yeah, I'm not sure I'd put myself in that category," I assured him.
"I would." He took another drink, emptying the bottle. "Jake, you aren't throwing tantrums to get your way. You aren't playing games like half these boys. You work hard, do your thing, and stand up for those who deserve it - like Cody."
Ok, I kinda liked how that felt. I'd never thought about myself that way before, but hearing Ty say it? That felt fuckinggood.
"You know," I said, "I chased the PBR to impress my father. He used to ride bulls in the rodeo - no different than most of these guys' dads. I thought that if I could make it, he'd be impressed. Instead, I realizedI'mnot, and I had to do a lot of thinking. I was riding bulls to prove to my father I was goodenough, and he made it clear that still wasn't enough, so I had to rethink it all."
"It's working for you," Ty assured me.
"I dunno, but I think this new Ty is working for you."
He shrugged. "Not yet. I'm still trying to figure it out, but to do that, I have to make sure the best man I've met in a long fucking time gets to stay with us."
"Tanner?" I guessed.
Ty smiled down at his hands. "J.D., actually. Don't get me wrong, Tanner's a good man too, but J.D.? He really is a pit bull, but here's the thing people always forget. Those dogs? They're great with kids, and loyal to a fault. Sure, they're deadly, but they'reguarddogs - and he embraces being one."
"So what are we?" I asked.
He just shook his head. "Fuck if I know, Jake. My goal is to be the gentleman I think I am. I want to be the kind of man a random woman on the street could be proud of."
"Huh?" Because that didn't make sense to me.
"A stranger," he explained. "If I can be a gentleman to a woman I don't know, and likely never will - and I don't just mean in the shallow sort of way, but in the true country gentleman sort of way - then I'll know I've figured it out."
"And to men?" I asked, because he seemed a little too focused on women in his description.
Ty shrugged. "I haven't figured that part out yet. Jake, I'm making it up as I go along. Me, I mean. I'm trying to figure out who I am, and the truth is I don't have a clue. And I never would've if Cody hadn't dumped my ass."
"I don't have a clue either," I told him. "Shit, Ty, I don't think most of us do."
"But you and me," he countered, "are doing something about it. That's more than half these guys can say." He pushed his empty bottle back, making it clear he was done with it. "I've alsoheard you flirting with Cody. I mean, just so that's out there." And he stood.
"Shit," I said, ready for this to go sideways now. "It's all in good fun, Ty. I know she's gottwoguys she's clearly happy with."
"And they don't mind if she has more," he told me. "That's what I'm saying, Jake. J.D. and Tanner want her to be happy. They want her to spread her wings. They want her to do all the things we men take for granted, so if she decides it's you?"
"Not gonna happen," I told him.
"Because you're scared of someone slipping and falling in your ass?"
I tried laughing that off as I pushed to my feet. We needed to get to the bar before the riders started heading out. Pulling my keys from my pocket, I canted my head toward the lobby.
