"Getting that impression," I assured him.
He slid a cup to me, then took the other chair and pulled the second toward himself. "I used to think I deserved to get fucked by the pretty women. I deserved to have them fawn over me. And while I thought it was cool that she was making history as the first woman in the PBR, I saw it through this... I dunno, lens? It was like all of her accomplishments were supposed to say something about me because she thought I was hot."
"Dumbass," I teased.
"No shit," he agreed. "But my point? You're not me, Jake. You are a good man. You also didn't get stupid over her because she's blonde, has nice tits and a great ass, or rides like she'd be wild in bed. And yeah, I thought all those things and kinda hate myself for it."
"That's called growth," I told him.
"Hopefully," he muttered. "But now for the real question. Are you into her?"
"Cody?" I asked, even though that was obvious.
Ty gave me a tired look. "No, dipshit. I'm talking about Tanner. OfcourseI mean Cody."
Yeah, but answering that wasn't easy. Every instinct in my body said to deflect, deny, or defend against it like he was accusing me of something. So I bought myself some time to think by taking a long drink of that coffee.
Then, "I think she got under my skin."
"She does that," he agreed.
"But she's also dating two other men," I pointed out.
"And?" Ty asked. "Pretty sure you've been the 'other man' for a few of those girls you stole from me."
"Fuck off," I said. "I didn't steal them. You lost..." And my words trailed off. "Fuck! J.D.'s right."
Ty gave me a confused look. "What?"
"Yourgirls," I repeated. "Istolethem. Youlostthem. We're sitting here talking about these women like they're objects, not people! Like they're awards we fucking deserve. Even the damned words we use do that!"
"Which makes it easier to think it's true," he said, sounding like he was having his own epiphany.
"Yeah," I breathed. "And yes, Ty. I do like her. I respect the shit out of Cody, but that's what makes it weird. I see her as my fucking equal, not a girl to pick up. She's..."
He waited, offering nothing while I tried to work this out. My eyes focused on nothing, thinking over my feelings - which wasn't easy. I was used to acting on them, not analyzing this shit! But he sipped from his cup, then I did. After a little too long, I was pretty sure I knew what my problem was.
"I always thought I'd meet a nice girl who'd want to settle down," I said, flicking a finger so he knew I wasn't done. "I had this idea in my head that fucking was for women I could leave in a heartbeat, and dating was for trying out one I wanted to makemine. To own. To tame. To possess. No matter how you say it, my entire concept of finding the right girl was based on my approving of her, not the other way around."
"I can see that," he agreed.
"But Cody isn't like that," I continued. "She's not looking for my approval, and that changes the balance of power. She has men she's happy with, and it means she's not going to be begging for my attention. She's independent, and while I like that in women, it was more of a thing to give me space, and not so much about her being a whole person, you know? I mean, on one hand,I knew she was, but on the other hand, I looked at it from these ideals I had. Ones that were all about her being mine in the end."
"Yep," Ty said. "I'm right there with you."
"And J.D. just tuned me in," I realized. "One little rant, and he's made me realize why I was keeping my distance from her. It was because she doesn't fit in the stupidly easy rules I'd accepted without even questioning."
"But are you going to do anything about that kiss?" he asked. "Jake, you like her. Fuck, you wouldn't talk about her, and fight for her, and pay her damned fines if you weren't into her."
"Well, I paid her fines to piss off Don - er, my father," I reminded him. "But no, you're right."
"So?" he asked.
I shook my head, not sure what he was asking this time.
"Are you going to make a move with that woman, or not?" he clarified. "And trust me, Jake, you're a dumbass if you say no."
"Trying to live vicariously?" I asked, only half joking.
