"Well, Luke took his old truck down by the cabins, then I saw him and Ash trade places, and Ash is now stuttering that thing across the grass." He pointed again.
This time, I saw the big blue truck, but it was not moving. Yet while I watched, the thing lurched forward and then stopped again. Clearly, Ash had killed it. I had a feeling he was also failing his driving lesson, and Luke was probably down there laughing his ass off.
"They're being cute," I decided.
Cy nodded. "Yep. That man is trying. Mostly, to juggle all of us, but you gotta give him credit, right?"
"I heard about yesterday," I said, trying to be as casual as possible.
Cy lifted his beer and took a long drink. "He's jealous because I'm talking to Kindle."
"So, you're talking to him now?"
"No, not exactly. I just unblocked him, but it's less ignoring, and the possibility of me talking to him is what made Luke jealous," he explained. "Rather adorably jealous, in all honesty. He completely lost it, Vi."
I kept my eyes on the truck down in the field. "And you?"
"I just want to know what Kindle thinks I did wrong," he admitted.
"Nothing!" That was enough to pull my eyes away. "Cy, you did not do a damned thing to deserve that!"
He just lifted a hand. "A happy lover doesn't cheat. Somehow, I made him unhappy. I made Ash unhappy. I keep fucking things up, so I wanna make sure I don't mess this up. That's what I mean. I'm not blaming myself for him sleeping with that guy. I'm just wondering what I need to do to make sure this thing with us keeps feeling so damned good."
"So you'regoingto talk to him," I realized.
"Unless you talk me out of it," he admitted. "He's staying in Sherman, got the best hotel he could find, and he said he's not going back until I let him explain. He kinda left a drunk voicemail the other night."
"Remind me again why you're blaming yourself for this?" I asked.
Cy was silent for a little too long. I heard the truck start up again, the engine rev way too high, and then it lurched forward. For a bit, the thing chugged, trying its best, and then it seemed Ash finally figured it out. Beside me, Cy sighed.
"Ash is an asshole. We both know it's true. When he's hurting, he makes those around him hurt more. You? You just make sure they know what they missed out on. Luke is a doer. That man acts before his brain kicks in. I can explain all of it, and each of your coping mechanisms aren't that bad. They work for all of you. Well, Luke's gonna take a few punches, but he seems to be ok with that. Me?"
"What do you do?" I asked.
"I don't give people a chance." He chuckled at himself, the sound dry. "I make it about sex, so then I'm in control. Get them turned on enough, and I can avoid the real issue. Thing is, that doesn't work with you, Ash, or Luke. You see right through me. Ash just remembers and then brings it up when I can't avoid it. Luke? He is willing to fuck it out and then talk."
Yeah, I could see that about him. I could also hear the vulnerability in Cy's voice. The way that man refused to look at me, his entire posture just a bit too calm. He was opening up, begging for my help, but I wasn't sure I knew how. This was really more his field than mine, but I'd be damned if I was going to avoid it.
"So you don't want to be in love with Luke?" I asked.
He paused for another drink. "I can't really help that, now can I?" Then one more. "Violet, I don't know how to do this."
"Which this?" I asked. "Us?"
"No," he assured me. "You and Ash are the one thing I do know. I mean, I suck at figuring out how to seduce you, and trust me, I've been trying. I just can't flip that switch from you working your ass off to you falling into my arms."
"Oh, that's easy," I assured him. "You start with a kiss. Might be my arm, shoulder, or neck. Just stand a little too close, be a little too cute, and then kiss what you can reach. That'll make me stop working. And then you can start seducing."
He nodded. "Good to know. So, gotta give your female mind a chance to change gears, huh? Like pushing in the clutch before going straight for the grope." He was watching the truck, but a smile split his lips.
"Good analogy," I agreed. "So which part don't you know how to do?"
And that smile faded just as fast as it had appeared. "I never intended to fall for you or Ash. We were kids, and it just happened. Luke? He was supposed to distract me. Just a pretty thing I could watch all day and think about when I was alone. Then he kissed back. When it blew up, I was sure this was my fault. I fuck shit up, Vi. I'm damned good at it. But now he's back, and this is working..." He paused for another drink. "And I can't stop thinking that I'm going to ruin it. I'm gonna do something and he's going to run again - or I will."
"You don't run," I pointed out.
"Oh, I do," he countered. "Ash said he was leaving, and I ran. Not physically, but I pushed him away and made it clear I was already moving on. I wasn't. It was bullshit, but it was the only way I could run back then. And when I knew you two were going to be here more, I found a school out of state. Then, every time I dated, if things got too serious, or started turning bad? Yeah, I was out before it could implode. Even with Kindle. He cheated, so I packed. We didn't fight it out. We didn't have that throw down that everyone expected. I just got my stuff, called a friend, and found a new place to stay. I fucking ran."
