"Did you talk to Dad?" she asked.
I nodded. "He said it's your call. They won't be mailed until February, so you have time. That's why I took pictures of just Violet, too. And I'm using this one for the cover."
I flipped to a picture of Violet coming out of the pool with water running down her body. Faith gasped and then smiled so big, nodding her head to show she approved.
"That's a really good one of her." Then she clamped her teeth onto her lip and her brow creased. "It's not dirty for me to do this, right? I mean, not like the videos Brody took?"
"Not at all," I promised. "The difference is a very big one. You gave me permission to take these." I leaned in to see her face better. "Faith, I'm going to tell you something that your dad might not want me to, but it's very important, ok?"
"Ok?"
"There is no such thing as a dirty picture if you allow it. Some pictures are only for some people, and you have to be careful with that, but they're still not dirty. If you are proud of who you are, and you give permission, then it's just a picture. It becomes dirty when it's done without your permission. When someone takes it without you knowing, like Brody did, or if someone shares it with a friend when you told them not to. That's when it's bad. It's not about being naked or wearing too little. There is not a damned thing wrong with your body, so long as you give permission, ok?"
"Ok," she mumbled.
"And if anyone takes your permission away, you tell me. I will make sure they regret it, just like we did with Brody. Friends take care of each other, and if I'm your best friend right now - and you can change your mind about that later without hurting my feelings - then I'm going to take care of you. That includes your feelings, ok?"
She nodded. "Ok. Thank you, Ash. I think I want you to use them in your catalog."
Damn, that hit me right in the heart, so I nodded. "Ok. And if you change your mind, tell me. I can take it back until January first. So, if you start thinking that maybe you made the wrong call, you tell me, and we'll take them out."
"No, I look pretty." She nodded once like she was proving the point - or maybe convincing herself. "And I trust you. So I'm going to do this."
"That's my girl," I said.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Cessily and Darnell headed back to Ft. Worth after dinner Sunday night. Ash locked himself in his office, probably obsessing about his upcoming catalog. I couldn't help but think it was a little adorable how hard he threw himself into his work. This wasn't just a job to him. It was a passion, and one I hadn't expected from the tough little boy I'd known so long ago.
Yet it fit him.
I headed upstairs and grabbed a shower, only to come out in time to see Luke being towed into Violet's room. Their fingers were laced, but he glanced back, probably to check his daughter's door, and saw me instead. For a moment, his feet stalled and that man stopped, looking right at me. I gave him a smile, letting him know it was ok.
That let him move again, and then he was gone, the door closing between us. For a split second, I thought about following him in there. The idea of him and Violet tangled up together, leaning in to kiss her while she tried to handle both of us sounded so good, but that was too big of a risk. One more month. We'd made it a week, and it felt like an eternity. More, knowing I was once again headed to bed alone, but I was a big boy. I could handle this.
Yet when I opened the door to my room, I found Ash lying on his belly, wearing nothing but his briefs, with his tablet in front of him. The swell of his ass pulled my eyes, but the muscles across his back were almost as nice. His arms flexed casually as he moved, swiping across the screen, but he paused when he heard me. Glancing up, his pretty blue eyes found mine and he smiled. It felt like my whole world took a breath.
"She's going to let me use her pictures," he said, a little smile still touching his mouth.
I turned the lock. "I'm a mess."
It was nothing but the truth. Every time I looked at them - any of the three - my heart had a little fit. My dick was getting really tired of jumping to attention just to be ignored again. No matter how hard I tried to tell myself I was taking this slow, my body had other ideas. I was all in, from my mind to my heart to my dick.
My words had Ash's complete attention, though. He dimmed the screen of his tablet, set it on the nightstand, and then sat up. "What's going on?"
"It's been a week," I said. "One. I've already crossed lines, and I'm struggling with only being platonic with them outside this room."
"We're doing this for Luke and Faith, and it's going to be worth it in the end," he assured me.
I just dropped onto the edge of the bed and bent to rub the towel across my damp hair one more time. "No, hear me out." I glanced back to make sure he was listening. "I'm not ashamed of being with you, Ash. I get that I have to keep things with Violet and Luke out of sight. I can deal with all of that, but even when I'm with you? I wanted tokissyou when you were taking those pictures. To wrap my arms around you and press up tight against your back, suck on your neck, and make it clear how I feel about you. I can't. A peck isn't the same, and we're not supposed to give Faith anything too graphic. Then, just before I walk in here, I see them being completely normal? Holding hands, going to bed together, and I wanted to follow, but I can't."
"No, but you can hide in here with me," he pointed out. "Promise I don't mind."
I sighed. "Not really what I'm talking about. Sure, we're allowed to be a couple, but not the gropey kind. Why? Because it's fucking gay! Because they could use us acting like normal adults as a reason to ruin Luke's life. Look, I'm just trying so fucking hard not to screw up Luke's shit, but every so often I forget. And when I remember again? I get pissed, because this just isn't right."
"So we keep it child-appropriate," he said. "Luke's fine with that."
"No..." I tossed the towel toward the wall, aware I wasn't explaining this well. "I'm just fucking sick and tired of feeling like I'm wrong somehow. I'm making myself angry because I feel like the world is saying that we're not as good, that all of this is wrong, and it's not! You are my boyfriend, right?"
