"Louder, Luke," she said.
"Yes!" I snapped.
She smiled at me. "That's all. Thank you, Luke."
The bailiff gestured for me to step down from the chair and head back to the table. I felt like I was stuck in a nightmare. The worst one I could imagine, yet I somehow managed to make my way back to my chair. I sat in it a little hard, but Cessily's hand immediately found my knee, rubbing gently in reassurance.
"You handled that better than I would have," she whispered.
"I just lost Faith," I told her.
But the judge had just called Faith up. His entire tone changed with her, turning casual and even friendly. The man told her where to go, and explained how to put her hand on the Bible. She did, lifting her chin a little when she swore to tell the truth, and then the bailiff helped her into the chair.
"Faith?" the judge asked.
"Yes, sir?" She looked over at him and tried to smile, but she was clearly nervous.
"You're fine," he promised. "How old are you, Faith?"
"Thirteen."
"You're doing great," he assured her. "Now, here's the thing. We just heard a lot of stuff, but it sounds like both of your parents love you. A lot of things have happened to you lately, but let's see if we can make this a good one. Would you prefer to live with your mother or your father, Faith?"
She turned to look at her mom, and my heart sank. A few seconds later, she turned her eyes on me, but I still couldn't breathe. I watched as Faith swallowed and her focus moved over my shoulder, and then her lips curled into the sweetest smile.
"My dad," she told the judge.
"And is there any special reason you want that?" the judge asked. "Your mother said you'd get a pony if you picked him."
Faith groaned and rolled her eyes. "Onyx is a Paint horse. He's not a pony, he just didn't get any real spots. And Dad didn't buy him for me. Ash did. They tried to make it sound like it was Dad, but I'm not stupid."
"No, you aren't," the judge agreed. "Will you lose Onyx if you move in with your mother?"
"No!" she insisted. "He was my birthday present."
"I see," the judge said. "That's a nice present. So why do you want to live with your father more than your mother?"
"Because Dad believes me. He always does, even when it makes things harder for him. Mom just wants me to be like her, but I'm not like her. I want to be like me, because it makes the bullying at school easier. I love my mom, but I've always wanted to live with Dad."
"That's all I needed," the judge told her. "You did perfect. Now be careful on that step when you go back to your seat, ok?"
"Ok!" she said, hopping off the step in question just to hurry back to her grandparents.
I lifted my fist to my lips, trying to force my face to stay stoic, but the proudest smile was breaking through. She still wanted me. Even if the judge said no, that mattered more than she knew. My eyes were starting to fill, but fuck it. That was my kid! She was the best thing I'd ever done, and she'd just pickedme.
I was so overcome that I almost missed the judge's next words. "It's the decision of this court that Luke Barrett will be granted primary custody of Faith Barrett. Meredith Connoly will have visitation on alternating weekends and holidays, with a schedule to be approved in advance." Then the judge paused and looked up. "In most circumstances, I would assign child support payments to Meredith, but I'm of the understanding that you've waived that, Luke?"
"He has," Cessily answered for me.
"Then there will be no financial arrangement included with the custodial agreement." And the man banged his gavel on the desk.
Cessily grabbed my elbow and pulled me to my feet as the judge made his way out of the room. Someone was saying something. People were talking all around me, but I was stuck on that one thing. Primary custody. Faith lived with me.
"Did we win?" I asked Cessily.
"Yes, Luke," she promised. "We did. Now stay here for a moment and just do that for a minute." Her hands made a vague gesture at me, then she turned away.
The "that" she was referring to was staring in disbelief. I watched as she moved to get Russell's attention, said something, then turned to talk to Faith. My little girl nodded proudly, but I had no idea what was going on. All I knew was that I was still her choice. She still loved me. She was going to come home and live with us, and it was real now. Not temporary, not being held over my head. Faith was going to stay.
