He turned to face me. "Is it weird to say that it would still feel like mine? Ours, I guess?"
"You know she's not ready for kids," I warned.
He nodded. "I do. I'm pretty sure I'm not ready to start again. I just like the idea of a happily ever after. Maybe a little boy to help me out here in the barn. Maybe a little girl to play with clothes. Maybe a little boy to play with clothes and a girl in the barn. I dunno. I just..." He ducked his head and sighed. "I like the idea of forever, and for me that's always been kids."
"I want kids too, so I promise I'm not judging," I said, lifting his chin so he had to look at me again. "I'm just scared of her and Ash breeding. That much pretty in one place?"
He ran his eyes over me. "Dunno, I'm thinking that no matter how that works out, if she decides to have a kid with us, we're gonna be screwed. Good thing there's three of us to chase off the bad seeds, right?"
"I really like how you kept that gender-neutral," I said, and then I kissed him.
I just had to. It wasn't meant to go anywhere. There was just something warm-feeling about this guy basically saying that he wouldn't care if his son was gay or his daughter a lesbian. The fact that he was talking about "our" kid, as if that was just a given? As if he didn't mind us jumping in with Faith? As if we were already a family?
Yeah, that gentle kiss became more. His lips parted, I pressed in, and I could feel my blood running straight to my dick. That was what I loved about Luke. He wasn't shallow, and he didn't do things simply for the moment of fun. He was all in, all the time, and he'd decided we were worth it.
His hand grabbed my shirt, my hips pressed into his, and neither of us gave in. Our mouths moved. Our tongues dueled. I wanted to spin him around and have my way with him, but I couldn't. Instead, I leaned back, aware that I was breathing just a little too hard.
"Hay," I told him. "The mowing kind."
Luke pressed his forehead to my shoulder. "Right. It's already hooked up. Think you can get that out of the barn without breaking something?"
"Nope," I admitted. "I think that if you get it in the pasture, I can get through the second gate on my own, though. Means you can get something else done?"
He snuck in a kiss against the side of my neck. "Gonna de-rust some of Bea's tools. Ash replaced most of them, but I was thinking about making something. It's stupid, right?"
"What thing?" I asked.
"Like a shadow box, but the stuff I remember her using. Easy to get a little plaque and make it like a memorial. Everyone talks about Gran, but Bea spent more time with me. I dunno, I just want to make sure there's something for the kids to ask about one day."
"Then I'll mow my ass off so you have time," I assured him, stepping back. "Now get Betty through the doors for me."
"Oh, don't know how to handle a big girl like her?" he teased, heading for the tractor.
So I called after him, "In case you missed it, my girl's pretty small. Dainty, even, and I'mstillfumbling around. Think I'll let you handle the big ones."
He hopped onto the seat, flashed me a grin, and then turned the key. I headed to the pasture-side doors, opening the wood ones and unlatching the panel on the other side. The moment that thing fired up, the horses all threw up their heads, but none of them spooked in their stalls. Then we went through the work of getting the tractor outside.
Luke left it running when he hopped off, and we traded places, but he snagged me right at the door and stole one last kiss. Yeah, I could get used to this. Even as I drove away, I had to look back, and seeing him standing there watching didn't surprise me at all.
Fuck, but I still had my friend. I still felt like I could talk to him, and yet we couldn't keep our hands off each other. I liked this a lot more than I should. Oh, I loved Ash. I was crazy about Violet. Each one of them was different, and yet they were also similar. Proud was the most obvious thing. Strong was a damned close second. Yeah, they were also beautiful, but that got put low on the list because I liked all the other parts more.
I might hate having to sneak around with Luke, but hearing him say he wanted to come out? That made it a whole lot easier. It would take a while, and we'd have to move at Faith's pace, but there was an end in sight, and that mattered more than I wanted to admit. He wasn't ashamed of who he was - or whoIwas. Instead, he was worried about real, tangible things.
It sucked that we had to. I was damned ready to pick a fight and make it clear to this town that who we loved was none of their damned business. I'd never been ashamed of being attracted to men. Not since the moment my father's face had gone from worry to rage. It had been like some switch had flipped in my head, and instead of wanting to be accepted, I'd started thinking that I deserved it. That had made all the difference.
It had carried me through the months of selling my body to make enough to eat. It had been what kept my head up when the cop slapped those cuffs on me, the judge asked if the record was right and I'd been fucking men, and even when Gran had given me the big talk about safe sex. She'd made it clear that I was a lucky kid not to have gotten anything, and then she'd handed me condoms, told me to use them if I needed to and to ask if I needed more, and made it clear that they worked in all orifices.
As I got the tractor through the second gate, I was thinking about that. I hadn't realized Gran was a lesbian back then. She'd just been some old lady, and in my childish mind, old people weren't sexual. Then, slowly but surely, I'd noticed the little signs. Her and Bea almost touching hands on the railing. The women sharing a room - so they didn't get lonely, she'd said. The sparkle in their eyes when they'd looked at each other.
I couldn't even remember my own parents' faces, but I'd never forget Bea and Gran. I'd been gay before I'd come to Southwind, so no one could blame them for corrupting me. Instead, those ladies had been the parents I'd needed at the time. Kinda like how I was trying to be an extra dad for Faith. I probably needed to talk to Luke about that.
Turning on the swather, I set the height, and turned to make my first pass around the fence line. The tractor bumped and bounced. The whole thing was loud, and yet comfortable in its own way. I pulled out my phone, letting the tractor lumber forward on its own, and then opened the "glove box" for the earbuds I knew were in there. Luke's earbuds, but he wouldn't mind.
Checking to make sure I was still going the right way, I paired them with my phone, found some music, and got comfortable. The first lap around the property always took the longest. At the side, I saw the construction crew working. When I made it back around to the horses, I saw Luke turning them out of the barn.
Fuck, that cowboy looked good. He was all man, and in the way I liked so much. His shirt was always tucked in, showing off that amazing ass. An ass I'd been in. He'd liked it. Oh, I'd only had him that once, but I'd thought about it far too many times. More, I kept thinking about him pushing me against the wall.
My dick was hard for most of the next lap. By the third it had finally gone down, but my mind was now playing fantasies of Luke and Violet going at it. I couldn't decide which of them I'd want to be in, or both, but when I added Ash into the mix, a smile curled my lips.
