That made his eyes snap up. "Them?"
Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit. That wasn't what I was supposed to have said. Thankfully, this was easy to cover up. I'd heard Violet say it enough that the line came easily to my lips.
"My family. My boyfriend, my best friend, and I even love the cowboy in his own way. He's the kind of guy who has my back when I need it. Like when you showed up and he was willing to chase you off." I forced out a laugh. "Granted, he tends to always revert back to his fists."
"Ah," Kindle muttered, nodding like that was distasteful. "So, I guess this is it, huh?"
"Yep." I reached for the plate with the pancakes. "I just wanted to know where I screwed up, because I don't wanna do it again. Figure I'm going to marry that man."
"You were going to marry me too," he reminded me.
"Because you were the closest I could get to what I really wanted. I'm not cultured, Kindle. I'm just used to caring about people who are. I get along with Luke because we can both get filthy in the shop while our partners do their pretty shit inside. It works. It's what Ireallywanted, and I'm sorry, but you just can't compete with that. Add in the kid?"
"There's a kid?" he asked.
"Luke's got a daughter. She's like a younger version of Violet. The kind that's going to grow up to be a knockout but is a little bit ugly duckling right now. Kid even got herself a gay best friend. Ash and I figure that since we can't have kids, we're going to mentor this one and make sure she's got everything she needs."
"Like what?" Kindle asked.
"College fund, someone to talk to when she's too nervous to say something to her dad, that sorta stuff." I took a big bite of syrup-covered pancakes. "And I'm gonna make sure her boyfriends know that while her dad doesn't own a shotgun, he's got some real scary friends to back him up."
"So, I might as well go home - is that what you're trying to tell me?" he asked.
I just nodded. "I'm not going back to Colorado. I'm not making the same mistake twice, Kindle. I'm sorry you lost your place. I'm real sorry you came all the way down here for nothing, but I'm finally fucking happy. You were a good man, and I wish things had ended better, but I honestly think it's for the best. We would've ended up divorced as soon as that man remembered I still exist."
"You deserve better than that, Cy," he tried.
"No, that's the part you don't get. I deservethat. All of that, and this time I'm not gonna let it slip through my fingers." Then I pushed my plate away. "Don't worry, I'll get the bill."
And with that, I grabbed my helmet and slid out of the bench, heading toward the front to pay. He'd told me what I needed to hear. He'd been lonely. He'd tried to be subtle about it, and I hadn't heard what he was saying. That wasn't a problem with the three people I was with now.
That meant I could stop worrying about fucking it up.
Chapter Forty-Five
Cy got back just as Faith was headed to bed. When he came in, I poked my head out of the office to see him putting his helmet in the closet. Ash stood, Cy smiled at him, paused, noticed me, and smiled again. That meant it was ok. I felt my body relax, and then Ash pulled him upstairs, most likely to hear all about what had happened.
Then I got back to work. I'd just found a contractor willing to install the solar panels on the roofs of the cabins, and the cost was about what we'd expected. Still, one less bill to worry about in the long run, so I replied to the email and confirmed an appointment for next week. Things were starting to move, slowly but surely.
I'd gotten a new survey of the property, we were about to get electricity, and I was waiting to hear about the bulk order of ductless air conditioners. The window units we'd used in my time probably wouldn't work anymore, and if they could be repaired, it would cost almost as much as new ones. So, once all of this was in place, we'd just need to paint, redecorate, and start looking for city approval.
I was in the middle of adding up the expected costs, intending to send the list to the board of directors, when my office door opened. I looked up - and forgot all about those numbers when I saw Cy standing there. He glanced back into the house, making me aware the first floor was completely dark, then came the rest of the way in. When he turned the lock on my door, a smile formed on his lips.
"So, good date?" I asked.
"Shitty one," he promised, but he didn't sound upset about it. "No, Vi, I just wanted to thank you for being ok with this."
I turned my chair to face him. "I know what it's like. Things crash and burn, and once the fury wears off, you're left with nothing but questions. Most of them start with why. You had the chance to get answers, and I trust you."
"Which means more to me than you'll ever know," he said, closing the distance between us. "He said he got lonely. The hours I worked and the hours he did, well, they didn't line up. A lot of weekends, I was at the jail, and usually afternoons and early evenings. I'd get home just as he was calling it a night sometimes. He felt single, so he acted like it."
"And we don't have that problem," I assured him. "Hell, not with this mess we're doing."
He actually chuckled. "True, but it's more than that. He said he tried to tell me, but he did it all subtle-like. He talked about vacations and shit. He didn't say he needed time with me. He said he wanted to do something exciting, and I took it wrong. I know Ash will never do that. Subtle is not in his vocabulary. Luke would probably scream it at me. You? You'd find some sweet and understanding way to let me know that you need more attention, I've been slacking off, it's ok, and then explain how we're going to fix this now."
I ducked my head and chuckled at that, because he was right. "Yeah, probably. So, I'm guessing that's over?"
"Done," he promised. "I talked to Ash and Luke already. Let them know I got my closure, and I'm actually feeling a lot better about this. Not us, but me. I..." He came closer and offered me a hand. "Kindle and I split because I was in love with someone else. Well, a couple of them. He could feel it, so he replaced me. Yeah, it's my fault, but it's a mistake I can live with, because I ended up here."
