"Three?" he asked.
I grunted, realizing I'd left out a part. "Violet grew up with us. That's a rehabilitation center, Kindle. A place for kids to get back on track. Violet's grandmother ran it, so she wasn't a criminal, but the rest of us were. For some strange reason, that girl decided we were her best friends, and that was that. Oddly, those were the happiest years of my life, until I came back."
"You never told me you'd been arrested," he said.
"And convicted, but I was a kid. Juvie and all that. Went through the program, record was wiped. Doesn't exist."
"What did you do?" he asked.
I laughed softly, remembering how easy it had always been to talk to him. That still didn't mean I trusted him. Not after what he'd done. I just missed the days when I had.
"I ran away. Got picked up living behind a dumpster. My folks wanted nothing to do with me, so I was headed off to be a ward of the state. Missed almost a year of school, and all the big bads."
"And Ash?"
I shook my head. "We don't talk about that. A person's past is theirs to share. Kinda like outing someone. I know what they all did now, but back then? We just knew we'd been busted, we got a second chance, and that was it. All selfless crimes, though. Things that didn't hurt anyone, or if they did, they were for the right reason."
Kindle nodded. "I'm sorry. It must've been hard."
"Oddly, no. I mean, the whole arrested part was, and I was scared shitless, but once I got to Southwind? We all met Gran first. Bea - her girlfriend - was either right there or came along right after. Gran was the typical grandmother type. Grey hair piled up on her head, little reading glasses, and she always had a hug she was ready to give. Bea? Oh, that woman was a bull-dyke and a half. She had permanent grease stains under her nails, but when she said she was proud of us, we all puffed up."
"So, good ladies?"
I nodded. "Yeah. Real good. They ignored the shit that didn't matter, made us work to figure things out on our own, and just about everyone who made it out of there turned into something. Doctors, lawyers, politicians, and more. Ash and Violet went into fashion, but that's the thing. Violet had some problems. She's got an eating disorder, and she got real sick. Well, Ash was gonna save her, and that boy figured out how. He just didn't tell me all of it. He applied to be a model, got her in as well, and they were picked. Granted, they're both pretty much perfect, but still. He told me he was going to tour Europe for two years, and at that age, it was an eternity. There was yelling, a lot of hurt feelings, and I lost my best friends in the world. We broke up before he was a model."
Kindle was nodding. "But you always wanted him back, huh?"
"Yeah," I breathed, pausing as our food showed up.
The waiter quickly handed out plates, and checked to see if we needed anything else, which was the break I needed. I'd fallen right back into my old habits with him. He asked the questions, I answered them, enjoying how he took lead. Control was a better word, but I reserved that one for Ash.
"So that's why the picture," Kindle said as he turned his plate, eyeing the food. "How'd you end up coming back?"
"My lease on the new place was almost up, my bank account was almost empty, and I had no clue what I was going to do. Violet called me and offered me a job. Asked if I wanted to help reopen Southwind. I said yes before I thought about anything else. That's home, you know? A week later, Ash came to visit, and it didn't go so well. There was a lot of yelling and a bit of hitting, but we worked it out." I stabbed a sausage with my fork. "How'd you really meet Jonathan?"
"Same way I told you," he admitted. "Drinks with coworkers, kept happening, and along the way, he made a comment about being the gay guy at the office. I pointed out that he wasn't theonlyone. So we started talking. Then we started joking. And somewhere in there, he asked if I wanted to grab some drinks since you were working, and it just happened."
I nodded. "Fair enough, and I did have pretty shit hours at the jail. Why didn't you tell me about it?"
He paused with the sandwich halfway to his mouth. "Really?"
I took another bite myself, honestly thinking about that. "Yeah, really," I decided. "Maybe not that you wanted to fuck him. Sure, I can see where that wouldn't have gone over well. But that you were lonely. Kindle, you could've mentioned that you hated my hours, or that you felt like you were single. Something!"
"I tried." He took another bite, then talked around it. "I said I missed going out. I told you so many times that I needed a vacation together. You kept saying you couldn't right now."
"And none of that says you were lonely," I told him. "I mean, why not just dump my ass? Why run around behind my back?"
"Because I didn't think it'd go there," he insisted. "I honestly thought we were just friends. Until we weren't."
"How long were you fucking him before you got caught?"
His answer was too soft. "A while."
I just nodded and took another bite. "You should've told me." I reached for a piece of bacon. "Might've made me realize that I didn't really love you."
"Ouch," he breathed.
I just shrugged. "I didn't realize it myself until the day after. I was pissed, and yeah, I was hurt, but I wasn't heartbroken." I figured I owed this guy the flat honest truth. "I didn't love you, Kindle, because I love them."
