Luke: I'll let you know when the service is done.
I'd barely sent that when the woman beside me cleared her throat pointedly. "Sorry," I whispered. "Work."
That made her anger fade, but didn't help my guilt at all. I kept looking at my daughter. Brody reached over, pressing his palm to her leg to stop her kicking, and she pointedly scooted away. No, I didn't like the guy either, but she knew better. Meredith just ignored the whole exchange, once again acting like our child was someone else's responsibility.
If only I had the money to take her back to court to renegotiate custody. I thought about asking Violet for a loan - I knew she had it - but my pride couldn't handle that. I also knew that it would be a waste of time. I lived in a trailer owned by my boss. That meant my house and my job were tied together. Wouldn't matter that I'd worked for him for years now. All they'd see in court was that I was another single guy with an unplanned kid and no way to afford her.
The moment the service was over, I headed right to Faith, letting her know I had to go work for a bit at Southwind. She grinned at me like she was in on a big secret, and my guts twisted. But she said it was ok. Then Meredith said they were having brunch with Brody's family, acting like she was bragging, and ushered Faith before her, cutting my time with her as short as possible.
Which meant I might as well face the mess I'd made at Southwind. On my way to my truck, I sent Ash a text, letting him know I was on the way, then I put back on my shirt from the morning. Just on principle, I reached into the back seat for my hat. No way was I going to face this without at least that much of a shield.
When I got there, Ash was exactly where he said. He had a pair of metal chairs up against the hay shed with a cooler set between them, and a cold Corona in his hand. He greeted me with a jerk of his chin in my direction.
"Hay's still wet," he said, "so I sent him out for groceries. Yes, he knows I kicked him out. Violet went with him, so it's just us."
Without asking, I opened the cooler and pulled out another beer for myself. "I'll hook up the baler tonight so he can start in the morning."
"This mean you're done with her?" Ash asked.
I shook my head. "Nah."
"Freaking out inside?" he asked.
"Little," I admitted. "Not sure why you care, though."
"Because those two people are all I’ve got. One has liked you for more than a decade, and the other feels like shit." He lifted his beer and took a sip. "And I've been on the other end of Cy's charm."
"Sounds like you two have a thing," I pointed out.
He laughed at that, but it sounded almost sad. "Had. I was this young, stupid little boy, convinced I was straight. And Cy was, well, Cy. He made me feel like I fit in. He talked to me about everything. We would sneak into the pool together, thinking we were risking it all. And then we'd lay in the grass and watch the stars, talking about what we'd do when we had to leave."
"You were here for a crime too?" I asked.
He nodded. "Yeah. Everyone but Vi, and she was here because her mom didn't want her. Just dropped her off and left, so she understood what it was like to be on your own. But that was the thing. I was fifteen. He was sixteen, older, supposed to be wiser, and the one person in my corner. Somewhere in there, it went from keeping that straight gap -" He looked over. "You know what I mean." And he gestured to the distance between us.
"Yeah, I get it."
"Then we'd whisper at night, leaning in so we didn't get caught. And sometimes I'd lean against him, or him against me. And then one day, I looked up to say something, and he leaned in. I can still remember the feel of his lips. Nothing like a girl. I didn't even think, I just parted my lips, and the moment his tongue touched mine, I pressed for more." He paused for another drink. "And just like you, when I realized what happened, I ran. Took me two days to think about it, and I thought so fucking hard. I wasn't like that. I didn't care that he was, but I was straight! I liked girls, and I liked them a lot. I was halfway in love with Violet by then, you see. I wasn't into guys. I couldn't figure out why I'd kissed him back."
"What happened?" I asked.
"He left me a note on my bed. Said he was sorry." He turned the bottle in his hands. "I wasn't going to do anything. I mean, the other boys were calling him names, but when they said we must've broken up because I was all moping around like a little bitch? Cy beat the fuck out of them. Got all of his privileges revoked for a week. And when he got to leave his cabin again, I was there with a pair of cokes and his note in my pocket. See, I couldn't stop thinking about him. About that fire in his eyes, the way he laughs so easily, or how broad his shoulders were. None of the things I like about girls, but I liked them with him."
"Not the same," I told him.
Ash just stared out at the pasture. "You kissed him back."
"I didn't push him away," I admitted. "Always thought I would."
"I know," he agreed. "Figured I'd shove some fag off me and follow with a fist. And yeah, I used to be a lot faster with them than I am now." He glanced over. "But that's the thing. It wasn't just him."
"So, you're..."
"Bisexual," he supplied. "I have a strong preference for women, but sometimes, the right man catches my eye. Seems I like them tall, dark, and handsome. Muscular and manly. I'm not into bears or twinks. Can't handle the flamers, and androgynous does nothing for me. I like men..." He paused for a little too long. "...Kinda like you."
I bought myself some time with a long drink. I felt as the icy cold beer slid down my throat, but it reminded me of Cy. Setting the bottle down on the cooler, I sighed. Then I reached up to adjust my hat. I wanted to tell him to fuck off, but for the first time, Ash was talking to me without an attitude, and the truth was that I had no one else to ask.
"How'd you know for sure?" I asked.
