"Did you break up with Violet?" she asked, seeing right through my diversion.
"Honey, I never really made it to dating her. I mean, we had a date, but that's not the same."
"Yeah, but - "
I lifted a hand, cutting her off. "But you're supposed to be in bed."
"I'm not sleepy," she told me. "Dad, I'm worried about you."
"And I'm the parent here." I slid my hand down the back of her head again. "Faith, can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
I had to know. I had to. This would prove just how much they'd lied to me. The only problem was that I didn't want to do anything to hurt my little girl either. For a split second, I almost backed out of it, but then I decided I had nothing left to lose.
"Did you cut yourself?" I asked softly.
The look on her face was all the answer I needed. It was the same one I'd had when Meredith told me she was pregnant. Fear, blindsided, and guilty, all were hidden in her big eyes, and it proved that at least one little thing had been true, but why did it have to be one of the worst ones?
"It's ok," I assured her. "I've just been worried about you, and I want you to know you can talk to me, ok?"
"But I couldn't!" she wailed, her voice getting a little too loud. "Mom wouldn't let me call!"
"Shh," I whispered. "Your mom and Brody are sleeping."
"Yeah, but..."
So I had an idea. "Ok. How about we go in your room, huh? We'll close the door, and you can tell me all about it. Since I don't need to feed any cows tomorrow, and neither of us need to be up too early, we'll just talk, and you can tell me everything you want to. I can't promise I won't be sad, but I give you my word that I will nevereverstop loving you, ok?"
She nodded, so I nudged her up, then followed her into the hall and to the first door on the right. Pointing at the bed, I made it clear she should climb in, then I eased the door closed behind us. Remembering how much easier it was to talk when I didn't have to look at someone - even if I refused to let myself think of when I'd figured that out - I moved to sit on the floor beside her bed. Scooting back, I leaned against the wall and bent my knees up in front of me. That put my legs even with her pillow. I could see her, but she had to turn over to look at me. Of course, she did just that.
"All those girls were picking on me, Dad. They wouldn't stop, and Mom all but said they were right," she continued as if we hadn't ever stopped.
"But they're not," I assured her.
"I know that now," she explained. "Violet showed me. She told me about when she was a kid, and look at her!"
I didn't want to think about Violet. I didn't want to imagine her right now. All I wanted was to take care of my daughter.
"You aren't still doing it, are you?" I asked.
"No."
I nodded to show I believed her. "Can I see? You don't have to show me, but I'm kinda worried, and I want to know you're ok."
She rolled over on her side and pulled up her shirt. I could see faint lines, but they were just pale skin. They'd all completely healed up, and there wasn't a hint that she'd been trying since. The tension in my body began to let go. She was actually ok.
"Why'd you do it?" I asked. "I mean, if the things they said hurt, then why did you hurt yourself more?"
"I dunno," she admitted. "It just kinda happened."
I nodded, because that sounded pretty much like what Violet had told me. Damn her, but she'd been right. "Please don't do it again?" I asked her. "If you need to talk, you can always call me. Even if that means sneaking your phone or anything. I'd much rather you did that than hurt yourself, ok? I'm not saying you should break the rules, but sometimes it's ok, like when you need my help."
"I promise," she said, "but if I lived with you, it'd be easier."
I chuckled and leaned back. "Yeah, it would, and I'd love that, but I'm kinda homeless right now, cupcake." Letting out a sigh, I stared at the wall across from me, reminding myself that I couldn't make her any empty promises. "Besides, this is a nice house, isn't it? Bet there are some kids your age that live around here. Maybe you'll make some new friends before school starts."
She sighed. "It's all old people, Dad."
