"I know," I admitted, hating myself even more. "Trust me, Brody, I know."
"Fine." He glanced over at Meredith. "Honey, find him some blankets and a pillow? Luke, don't put your boots on the sofa, ok? And if you need to use the washer, it's in the garage."
"I got a change of clothes in the truck," I assured him. "When y'all are done, I'll grab a shower, and that's it."
"Ok. Then I'm off to bed." And Brody walked over, grabbed his laptop off the end table, and vanished up the hall.
I just dropped my head and let out a heavy sigh. "Thanks, Meredith. I'm real sorry about imposing."
"You fucked up, Luke," she told me. "Again. Seems like you're getting good at that. I'm just glad you didn't drag Faith further into these messes you made." She paused to glance at our daughter's bedroom door, then back, but her voice was lower. "What the fuck were you thinking? Do you have any idea how bad this could've been for her? I told you that woman was bad news, but you just can't keep your dick out of shit, can you?"
"Yeah," I admitted, debating telling her about the accusations against Brody. Then I decided against it. I needed the couch for the night. Tomorrow, I'd tell her about that. For tonight, I'd make plans, and then tomorrow I'd fix this. I'd find a way to fix all of it.
I just wasn't sure yet how I was gonna make that happen.
Chapter Sixty
When Meredith finally went to bed, I headed out to my truck for my spare clothes, then into the bathroom to take my turn. Yeah, maybe I was hoping for a little hot water to hide the tears of shame I was trying real hard to hold back. I stripped off my clothes, shook the dust and hay scraps out in the tub, then shoved them in the bottom of my emergency bag.
That was the thing about working on a ranch. Having a cow drag me in the mud, a steer bleeding all over me when it tried to kill itself on something stupid, or just the heat and sweat of working being too much, I had three clean sets of clothes with me at all times. I had never needed that many, but it had come close a few times. It also meant I wasn't up shit creek completely. Just headed that way fast.
I turned on the water, letting it heat up, and checked to see what else I had in my bag. Clean socks, so that was good. Had a razor, but fuck it. I'd just start growing a beard. I was close enough most days. And there, in the very bottom, was a twenty-dollar bill. Little cash just in case I needed fuel for the truck. There was also a phone charger, a couple basic tools, and a few other odds and ends, but I could handle this.
Vera had always told me to plan for the worst and everything else would work itself out. Well, I was doing my damnedest. Aware that the steam was starting to fill the little bathroom, I pulled back the shower curtain and stepped in. The water washed off the filth of my former job, and I felt my muscles finally begin to relax. Turning around, I soaked my hair and let the heat run across my shoulders and back. I'd just wiped the water from my eyes when I noticed something on the wall.
Up in the corner, just outside the shower, there was a dark speck. I watched it - half expecting it to move, proving it was just a spider or something - while I tried to come up with a plan. One of these ranchers had to be in need of farm help. I just needed to get to the grill before Mr. Simmons in the morning. If I made it clear that Violet had caused this, then it wouldn't be so bad when they heard why I got fired. I'd just be honest. Those men knew how pretty she was. Not a one of them would blame me for being distracted by it.
I'd just leave off the stuff with Ash and Cy. If I tried hard enough, I might even convince myself that it had all been a bad dream. I certainly wouldn't tell anyone about it! I just couldn't figure out how they'd made me do that. Even worse, how they'd made melike it!Not just the act, but the whole thing, because sure, a mouth would get me off. Any mouth, right? My dick didn't know better, but I should've.
My problem was that I'd actually started thinking that way. I'd felt something for that man that I should only feel for a woman. And I'd spent too much time watching Ash saunter around, checking out that pretty boy like he was a lady. That shit was a sin. It was sick, and it couldn't be me. I'd never been like that until I met them, so they had to have done something to me. That was the only way it made sense.
And yet I still missed it. I'd liked that version of me: the one that hadn't been stuck in a box. Every time I was with Violet, I'd felt so free. She had a way of making me feel like I was worth something. Cy had been so easy to talk to. Maybe because he was a fucking shrink, but it was more than that. He'd known how to have fun while working hard. I'd thought he was the kind of friend I needed.
I had nothing for Ash. The man was an asshole, and that was pretty much it, but he got me. That day behind the barn? He'd laid it all out there, not shying away from his own dark secrets. He'd acted like he was letting me in, but it was the way he'd done it. He'd made his own fears and flaws sound like his strengths. It had been like he was building me up just when I needed it most, and I'd fallen for the whole thing. That was the only excuse I could come up with.
I should fucking hate them all - and I had a feeling I would - but right now, I just missed them. I missed the smiles I always got when I walked in, the easy way they made me feel like I belonged, and that idea that I finally had something to fall back on. But it was all a lie. A damned sick and twisted one. Cy had kissed me, setting me up, and they'd scuffled to cover it.
That had been a good play, I had to give them that. I hadn't suspected a damned thing. I'd been so stunned, so shook that why would I? But that one image of them fighting, then not? It had sure felt like the moment they realized I wasn't doing so good, they'd put aside their own shit to step up. Cy had said something about how everything stopped when someone needed help, and that idea? Yeah, they'd given me that little scene to make it hit a bit harder, because it was what everyone dreamed of, wasn't it?
But I'd been doing just fine on my own before I met them, and I'd do it again now that they were out of my life. Besides, they were wrong. Faith was just fine. There was nothing weird going on in this house. My little girl was just fine, and I'd make sure it stayed that way. First thing tomorrow, I'd pick myself up by my bootstraps and do what had to be done. I'd stop thinking about them soon enough.
I finished getting clean, dried off, and put on some pants - because I'd rather sleep in a pair of jeans than lay on Brody's couch in my fucking underwear. Not gonna give that man the chance to bring up shit I was working to forget, and gay was a real easy word to throw around. Then I headed into the living room and got comfy.
I still couldn't sleep. The sounds of the house were all wrong. The pillow sucked, being so soft it may as well have not even been there. The blanket was too thick. A clock in the kitchen ticked loudly, worse than any leaky faucet I'd ever heard. So, since I wasn't sleeping anyway, I decided to start making plans. I ran through all the ranchers I knew, and how I'd approach them for a job. And if that didn't work, I'd go to Tractor Supply, the gravel pit, or anywhere else I could think of.
I was trying to make myself a mental resume when a door down the hall creaked softly. My eyes jumped open just in time to see Faith come around the corner. Shuffling her feet, she made her way to the couch. As soon as I scooted over, she sat down by my waist.
"Why are you sleeping on Mom's couch?" she asked.
"I got fired, sweetie," I told her. "Mr. Simmons didn't like anyone from Southwind, and Violet came over. She knew better, too, but she did it anyway."
"Then she must've been really worried about you," Faith said.
I smiled at her sweet innocence. "Probably. But Mr. Simmons had warned me that they weren't welcome, so he fired me over it. I'll have to get a new job tomorrow and a new place to live."
"You should ask Violet," she said.
I reached up to smooth her hair back. "I was thinking about trying for Curry Quarter Horses. I mean, might be able to get you some real riding lessons, and you'd like that, right?"
