My grandma used to say that life always works out. You just have to look at the bad from a different angle. Even if you can’t see it coming, or can’t find it anywhere, there’s always good coming around the corner. The working out might not happen in a moment, or a day, or even a week, but if you give it time, it’ll happen.
I’m not sure I ever believed her, but it was nice having someone teach me that hope, love, and kindness are real. My grandma didn’t have the easiest life. She had her heart broken so many times, in so many different ways.
I don’t know if Carissa feels the same way about things working out as my grandma did, but I like the softness on her face. She opened up yesterday and took a massive risk. We implied it was just one time, just something we both needed in that moment, but we both know it’s far more than that.
Don’t we?
“Carissa.”
She blinks as her name falls from my lips. How is it possible to say the right thing when I don’t even know what that is? How many times have I said that the right thing doesn’t have to be without flaws, it just has to be honest? I need to follow my own advice. I need to sit here, present, and give my all like I do every time I write a song, step on stage, and perform it.
My gut still cramps. It’s natural to want to keep people relegated to a safe distance. I’ve pushed past that over the yearsand been burned. It should make me wary, but I would always hear my grandma’s soft voice in my head, telling me that’s no way to live life.
“I wouldn’t have kissed you if I just wanted something instant. I don’t do immediate gratification, at least not in that sense. I don’t do fun and done. I want you to know that,” I tell her earnestly.
“Okay.” Her smile starts small, but it grows. I totally understand the whole windowsill being paradise to Pumpkin when the sun is coming through it just right. Sitting here in a direct line of her smile is like being bathed in the golden glow of light.
“Okay? Just… just okay? You believe me?”
“Why wouldn’t I believe you? I trust you to know how you feel better than anyone else would, including me.”
She gives me time to sort my thoughts out. I reach over and rub the dog’s belly for some of that calming magic. I’m rewarded by his tongue lolling out again like I’ve just given him the best belly rub of his life. Me. The guy who’s never even had a pet before. “Everything’s changed. It’s been changing. The tour is over, the band is breaking up, and I have no idea what I’m going to do in the future.Fuck.” I rake my hands through my hair and swipe them over my face. “That makes it sound like you’re some kind of music rebound. But you’re not. You’re no consolation prize. Music isn’t over for me. There are a thousand different things I could do. I’m not just jumping from one thing to another because I can’t be alone with myself. I’ve learned how to do that. Be lonely. Whether I like it or not, Ican be.”
She nods, taking it in. “Should we continue this conversation over some kind of breakfast? Some eggs and turkey bacon?”
I narrow my eyes suspiciously. “Turkey bacon? You just naturally had that in the fridge?”
“Oh, naturally.”
“As of when?”
I’ve never seen Carissa devious before, but in a split second of her lips twitching and her eyes dancing with amusement and mischief, I decide it’s lovely on her. “As of about half an hour ago, when I ordered groceries and got them delivered.”
“What time is it?” I know it’s sunny out, but it can’t be that late.
“Just past eight. I wanted to let you sleep. I knew you’d probably be up late with your thoughts.” She unfurls her legs and dips one over, leaning on it and doing a graceful flamingo-like sweep with her other leg to land on the floor like a dancer.
My mouth goes dry, and my cock kicks itself into semi-wakefulness.
“I know your alarm is usually set for five or six so you can cram everything in, but just for one day, you could sleep in. I figured if you had something to get to today, you would have said so last night.”
“What time were you up?”
She tiptoes her way over to the window, then bends just enough to pet the cat that her jeans go a little bit further into wedgie mode. They’re already that type of fit, butfor the love of wedgies, she makes wedgies lookgood.
“I just wanted to reiterate that you’re under no obligation to say anything along the lines of you wanting to make this work. What happened yesterday could just be a one-off. And again, just because I blurted out something wildly personal doesn’t mean you ever have to feel like you should return anything close to that sentiment. I’m a big girl. I’m okay with yesterday being something that breaks me and puts me back together in a thousand different ways until I can get to the point where I treasure the experience forever.”
She picks Pumpkin up. He doesn’t seem to mind the disruption to his sleep in the least, but then again, if I were beingcradled against Carissa’s chest and stroked softly, complaining would be the last thing I’d do. Unless it was my cock protesting that it’s trapped in too many layers of clothing.
Carissa waves Pumpkin’s little paw at me, his pink toe beans flashing up and down. “I mean that in the most lowkey way possible,” she adds.
I’m half afraid to get up off the bed. At some point in the past few minutes, my semi has turned into a full-on morning wood, and I don’t want to just flash her with that. I’m more emotionally intelligent than to think sending a message likehey, I know we’re trying to have this deep conversation, but here’s an erection, just saying,is the least bit appropriate.
I glance over at my red leather pants folded at the foot of the bed. If the options are wrapping myself in the quilt off this bed or trying to grease myself into those pants sans grease, the blanket’s going to win every time.
Also? I have to pee. Shit.
This is going to be an entire process.
