Nathan looked me up and down. “Do you own any grown-up clothes?”
I was wearing a short black cotton dress that I thought made my legs look extra tan, with a cropped denim jacket and pink Chuck Taylor sneakers.
It wasn’t formal, but this isme. I wore subtle makeup with peach lip gloss and my hair in clean, shiny waves. I’m no supermodel, but I felt cute.
“You mean the shoes? I can wear sandals,” I said with confusion.
“You look beautiful, Lu,” Jude said loud and clear in Nathan’s direction, with his face set like granite and a glare sharp enough to cut it.
“You look fine. I just thought you would dress up,” Nathan said, still looking me over.
I’m not sure why, since he was wearing jeans and we weren’t going anywhere that required reservations.
They’d met before. Nathan knew all about my bonus family, but I was never able to convince him we could all be friends—not even with Annie, though he continually referred to her as myhot roommate. I didn’t like it, but I thought he must be the type of guy who’s open to sharing candid thoughts. I was wrong.
I couldn’t call anyone intelligent, talented, objectively attractive, or my friend. I couldn’t have any opinions or compliment anyone but him. He’d shut down and pout whenever I invited him somewhere the guys were playing or to watchanylive music, insisting I obviously wanted to be with them and not him. It would’ve scared me if he said yes anyway, because if they tried to get me to sing, it wouldn’t have gone well.
To avoid fights, I stopped telling him anything, which made me feel secretive. It was a no-win situation. The one person Ialways fought back about was Jude, because he was there every time Nathan wasn’t.
When I fractured my foot, when my car died, even when my cousin flew in to visit and I had no idea how to navigate the airport, Jude made time for me before I ever met Nathan, and that never changed. His kindness has never been conditional or to impress anyone.
It’s just who he is.
Jude stood against the sink with his arms folded across his chest like he owned the place. His exposed tattoos made him appear edgier than how I see him, drawing attention to his impressive stature in a confident power stance I’d never witnessed. “Nate, you’re a lucky guy. Be good to her if you want to keep it that way.”
Jude lifted a hand as if he intended to pull me forward and kiss my head but thought better of it—flexing his fingers before opting to clap his hand to mine in our little handshake as he met my eyes with a tight expression.
Nathan huffed from the other side of the bar that separated him from the kitchen. “It’sNathan. I guess it’s true. There’s always one friend they say not to worry about.”
“Nah, I wouldn’t say that.” Jude’s eyes narrowed with a smirk. “You should definitely worry about me.”
He did our silly handshake, hooking our fingers a little longer than usual without any further acknowledgement of Nathan, who was stone-cold staring at him from the living room. Once Nathan commented on my clothes I knew the night would be tense with or without Jude’s interference.
When I went back to my room to change shoes, my phone buzzed. Jude sent me a link to a Billy Joel song.
Yep. “Just the Way You Are.”
Andyes,Nathan pouted and gave me the silent treatment all night because of Jude. But he probably would have because of my clothes or some other reason anyway.
He should’ve never had to defend me.
I should’ve defended myself.
Mom’s recollection of subtle and not so subtle jabs struck a nerve. Anytime Dad was home, it was like there was a bomb in the house. Watching TV or playing games as a family was rare, and it always felt like a trap.
Don’t disagree. Don’t complain. Don’t ask for anything.
Just nod and smile.
When you’ve had to neutralize difficult personalities all your life, it feels normal until you say it out loud.
And that’s what happened with Nathan. I tiptoed around him like he might detonate.
It’s thesame dang thing.
He dangled a small amount of potential in front of me, and it was just enough to keep me from breaking up with him.
I’ve defended myself and fought back at times, but he isn’t like Jace. He doesn’t wind me up and then admit he was wrong. Right and wrong don’t matter. And why would I want to be with someone who makes me feel like I have to defend myself?
