She waited several long moments.Nothing. “Hello?” she called again, louder, then again, until she felt like she was practically screaming. Finally she heard footsteps on the stairs.
Please, please let it be a woman. But of course it wasn’t; she just wasn’t that lucky.
It was Bridei. She squeezed her eyes shut and cringed.
“Is there a problem lass?”
“Aye, as a matter of fact there is. But…” She could already feel her cheeks burning. Had she ever been more humiliated? “I… I actually need help from a woman.”
“Why a woman?”
“Because I have a…a woman’s problem.”
He looked genuinely confused. “What is a woman’s problem?”
She blew out a breath, resigned to her mortification. “Oh, for god’s sake, I’m having my…my bleeding time. I need something to catch the blood!”
The confusion left his brow. “Well why didn’t you just say so? Are youashamedto be a woman?Ashamedthat your body is fertile and honored by the goddess with life-giving blood? That is the strangest thing I’ve ever heard.” He laughed. “Wheredo you come from, lass?”
“No…I’m not ashamed.” Maybe a little embarrassed. Ok,alotembarrassed. “It’s a private matter, where I come from. We don’t usually discuss it with men.”
“It must be a very strange place indeed. How do the men know when their women are bleeding? Or when they’re fertile and ready to accept his seed to make a child?”
“Oh god, I don’t know.” She dropped her head and groaned in misery. He laughed again. He seemed genuinely amused at her humiliation.
“I’ll call someone to help you, then. Awoman.”
“Thank you.”
He left, and Veda came to help soon after, and it turned out that the women used an absorbent cloth held in place with a soft leather belt. It was quite comfortable and practical.
It wasn’t that he trusted her any more than before, but over the next several days Brideientrustedher to a select few of the local women. Nessa suspected she was also being watched by others, since she saw the same few men nearly everywhere she went. There had still been no sign of Angus, though she asked about him every chance she got. She refused to give up hope, because that would mean not only mourning her uncle, but her grandmother and Nathan too.
And it would mean mourning life as she had always known it, to live here forever among people who didn’t know or trust her, in a culture she was realizing more every day that she knew very little about, even though she knew some history and could speak the language.
To keep her mind off her seemingly insurmountable problems, she decided to force herself to focus entirely on the moment at hand, if only for a little while. And at this moment she was walking with Veda, on the way to help her with her daily chores. As they turned a corner around a row of houses, she could suddenly see down into a small valley, and in it was, unmistakably, a garden. A verylargegarden. Her mood picked up just a little. She loved to grow things.
“You have gardens here? Oh, of course—you must. I’ve been eating vegetables.” Carrots and turnips, cabbage and onions, and a few other things she hadn’t quite recognized. She was so happy that she had talked her way into this small amount of freedom; she could lose herself for hours in this kind of work. If her hands were kept busy, maybe her mind would settle enough to come up with a way out of this mess.
Nessa had practically begged Bridei to untie her and let her go outside. She was suffocating in that room, unable to even stand and pace, and there was only one small square of sky to look at, framed in the only window. She needed the sun on her face and fresh air in her lungs or she was quickly going to lose all hope. He had finally relented and left her under the care of Veda, but not without a stern warning to the woman to keep an eye on her.
“She may help you with your work, but she is not to be left alone for even a moment. And she is not to be trusted with anything more than your name.”
Veda had somberly nodded her agreement, and Nessa now followed her eagerly to a huge garden plot hidden behind one of the massive stone walls circling the settlement. Back home, she had been working to convert her grandmother’s sheep farm into vegetables, and she had quickly begun to understand why sheep farming was so popular in Scotland. The sheep took care of themselves, grazing on the plentiful grass and heather. Vegetables, by comparison, were extremely needy. Still, it was something she loved, and she had been determined to make it work. Already she’d secured a few sales to high-end restaurants in Inverness, and Gram had been so proud…
She shouldn’t have let herself think of home, and Gram. She swallowed back tears, knowing that every day that went by it was less likely she would every see her grandmother or the farm again.
She cleared her throat, realizing Veda was regarding her with a concerned expression. “I have a garden at home. I love it. Making things grow. I just…I guess I miss it. And my home.”
“Oh aye? I could take it or leave it, myself, the gardening. Need to have food though. And it’s better than laundry.”
A large wet tongue suddenly swept up the side of her face and Nessa shrieked before she realized who the tongue belonged to. “Ru! You scared me, Buddy.”
She patted his head and rubbed his ears, and the giant dog that looked more like a wolf followed at her heels like a love-sick puppy for the rest of the day.
Nessa diligently weeded, glad for something to do to pass the time. But her mind wasn’t cooperating as she’d hoped it would, and it began to wander into unwelcome territory. Thoughts of her grandmother, which were always so close to the surface, rushed forward.Is Gram still alive? Does she know I’m missing? The last time she’d seen Gram was…god, nearly a week ago now…
“Gram?” She had plastered on a cheerful smile as she walked into the small, stark room at the nursing home, carrying a box of her grandmother’s favorite chocolates. It smelled like disinfectant and stale institutional foods such as vanilla pudding and instant mashed potatoes. It hurt her heart to see her grandmother here like this, but she’d had no choice. Gram was just too sick for Nessa to care for her at home anymore.
