“Is there anything else you wish to tell me about my family?”
“Oh, a great many things. I like them all tremendously. Your father and I can discuss literature for hours and he assures me you can do the same. Your younger sisters are lively and silly, but not overly so. Mary is less studious than you probably think. Kitty might crawl out from under Lydia’s shadow soon. And best of all, your mother is a force to be reckoned with.”
Elizabeth asked nervously, “Do you ever see ghosts?”
“I do. I discussed this very topic with Jane, not long after she made me cry… Me! A grown man. She theorises that you listenedto your mother, and that was what kept you from rejecting me outright.”
Elizabeth blushed beet red and stared at the floor. “She was right, though I do not wish to repeat what she said.”
“Your mother gave me achance. It is something I did not deserve, but I will accept it all the same. I like your mother very much.”
Something New
Elizabeth shook her head in confusion, and then she noticed her hands still on his shoulders.
There were no footmen in the corridor; she had banned them from the area until things settled, and nobody was to bring her notes for anything except extreme emergencies while she was above stairs. They would have a few more minutes of privacy.
Somewhat timidly, she whispered,‘Do I still have a decision to make? Is your offer even still open?’
He replied, “It is open, but I would prefer it if you would let me make a nottruly dreadfully awful proposal.”
“You shall do no such thing!”
The strength and vehemence of the reply stunned them both, and Elizabeth found she really had to stop and think about what caused that particular outburst.
“I am sorry, Fitzwilliam… I—”
“Do not apologise. I was the one who—”
She shook her head to silence him and was relieved to see it was enough to keep him from rattling on in that manner.
“You see, Fitzwilliam… I… well… you understand that I am confused, correct?”
“Yes, quite understandable. But if you are not implacably opposed to my suit, I would hope to prevail, but only after I have proven myself.”
Elizabeth thought a moment, eyes crossed. “Therein lies the difficulty, and the reason for my outburst. You see, Fitzwilliam… you see… well—”
For a moment, she ran out of words, then gathered her courage to continue.
“You see, I disagree with the idea of a man ‘proving himself,’ or the contrary for a woman. I… well… I cannot believe I amsaying this, but I disapprove ofcourting. It smacks of deceit and cunning. A woman should marry a man, and vice versa based on who they are, not who they pretend to be while on their very best behaviour, and I knowcourting behaviournever lasts. “
“I can understand that.”
“I believe… well… I will accept or reject your original proposal. It was notentirelyawful.”
Fitzwilliam snorted. “Only mostly.”
“That much must be acknowledged,” she said sympathetically, “and one day, if I accept it, you may apologise… but… but—”
Elizabeth paused for words, then looked at him intently.
“What you call your ‘evil twin’ isyou. It is a part of you, whether you now think you despise him or not. He is still there, perhaps temporarily chastened, perhaps better educated and informed, perhaps tamed, but still present.Your pride is part of you, and it is not entirely, or even mostly, bad.Your family has held and improved this land for centuries! You are entitled to some pride—somebeing the key word. It just needs to be… how did you put it at Netherfield? Under good regulation.”
She smiled to remove the sting.
“Everybody learns and changes over time and experience, but they are still in essentials very much the same. Some amalgam of that arrogant, prideful man and your current best-behaved self is therealyou. That real you has a chance to grow and change and become a good father, a worthy husband, and all the other things you strive for, but the shadow of the boy always exists in the man, just as the shadow of the girl exists in the woman. This amalgam… this evolving man…thatis the man I will either marry or not.”
In some relief, Fitzwilliam asked, “Does that mean you do not reject me outright?”
