For one terrible, horrible moment I thought of Hugh until I remembered that he had been a Veitch.However lusty he may be, Father would not have bedded one of our enemies.'The Yorling,' I said.
'The Yorling,' Mother said.'There are others.More importantly, I want you to make sure you wed Robert.'
'He will know I am not whole…' I gestured down at myself as I blurted out the stark physical fact.
Mother snorted.'For God's sake woman!Is that all that's bothering you?Half the women in the Borders are not entire when they are wed, without ever having known a man.'
'How?'I felt hope rise inside me.
'You ride astride your horse,' Mother said flatly.'Think what that could do to you.'
'Oh?'I looked at Mother as if I had never seen her before, which in a way I had not.I had known the mother but not the woman.'Mother: are you saying I should not tell my husband the truth?'
'You tell your husband what he needs to know and what he already knows,' Mother said.'You tell him nothing that he can use to your disadvantage.'
'Yes, Mother.'My mother had run my father's tower and lands all my life without ever, to my knowledge, betraying his trust.Her wisdom was not to be ignored.Yet I did not wish to live a lie with a man who I trusted and who would trust me.
'You are worried about not being honest with Robert,' Mother said.
'I am,' I said.
'Then let me tell you that your best friend Kate Hunnam has been making sheep's eyes at your good friend Robert for the past few months.'
I smiled.I knew Robert better than Mother did.'That won't matter to Robert.He is not very interested in women.'
Mother raised her eyebrows.'He may not be very interested in you, Jeannie.He seems to be very interested in Kate.'
I felt myself stiffen.'Are you sure, Mother?'I knew she would not tell me if she was not sure.
I cannot write how I felt.I can only write what I did.I turned on my heel and left Cardrona Tower with more anger in me than I had ever felt before.It was not the same feeling as I had with Hugh.That anger had been tempered and controlled, however passionate my love-making had been.This new anger was all-consuming.If Mother was right, then Robert and Kate had been at least contemplating something behind my back for some time.My mistake with Hugh was sudden; theirs was calculated.
I grabbed Kailzie who had served me so well in escaping from Liddesdale, did not bother with saddle, bridle, or stirrups and ordered the gatekeeper to open for me in a snarl that he did not recognise as coming from the laughing girl he knew as Jeannie.I remember that mad dash down the Lethan Valley with the little cottages all getting ready for the night and the river flowing soft and sweet at my side as I whipped that poor horse along.There was an owl calling although I did not hear its mate, and I paid no heed to the surprised but friendly greetings of the people I knew so well.My mind was so filled with the thoughts of betrayal, of my best friend Kate with my chosen man Robert, that I nearly forgot my own treachery as I rode, mouth open and hair flowing behind me.
Whitecleuch Tower is situated on a small knoll, a knowe as we term it, not far from the opening of the valley.It is set above the floodplain of the river with very solid stone walls and a stout barmekin.
The gatekeeper knew me well enough not to challenge my entry even at that time, and I jumped off Kailzie, ordered a surprised and sleepy servant to care for him and was soon bounding up the stairs two at a time to the great hall.It was empty except for two young servants sharing the straw with a few dogs, and one scared kitchen maid with her sweetheart crouched in a corner.
'Where is the young master,' I demanded, more imperiously than I had ever been in my life.I had not realised that my mother's blood was strong within me.I may be a Tweedie, but I was also my mother's daughter.'Where is Robert Ferguson?'
The servants cowered away from the look in my eyes, or possibly from the horse whip I forgot that I still carried.
'Upstairs, my lady.'The kitchen maid quavered, as her sweetheart put a protective arm around her.Good man, that.
'In his quarters?'I asked.
'Yes, my lady,' the kitchen maid said and added bravely, 'I think it best if you did not enter unannounced…'
'I do not care what you think best,' I told her brutally as I stormed out of the hall and on to the turnpike staircase.Now Whitecleuch is an older tower than Cardrona, with a square central keep much damaged and repaired by war.It was built in the very old days before King Edward Longshanks of England began the series of wars between his nation and ours that has so ravaged the Borderlands.As it predates these savage wars, the walls are less defensive and the windows wider, so allowing more light inside.I ran up the worn stairs with barely a pause and nearly ran into Archie Ferguson himself.
'Jeannie!'He held a flaming torch up high and eyed me with something like alarm, as well he might: a raggle-headed, angry, whip-carrying woman running up the turnpike of his home.'What are you doing here?'
I took a deep breath to calm my pounding heart.'I am coming to see Robert,' I said as calmly as I could.
'At this hour?And dressed so?'He seemed astonished.
I realised that I was wearing my indoor clothes.In those days, you see, we did not stand so much on formality in the Borderlands.I wore little more than a shift, a pair of boots, and a shawl.I had not intended to receive visitors and had certainly not expected to be riding down to Whitecleuch in the dimming of the day.'It was not planned,' I said.
'I don't believe he is at home,' Archie Ferguson said.He was ayeways a bad liar.
