Sure, love is great, but was it ever worth it?
A strangled sob bubbles up my throat at that horrible thought, and I clamp a hand over my mouth. Theo moves to wrap his arms around me, but I stand before he can do so. The hurt in his eyes is enough to send another sob wracking through my body, but I choke it back.
“How can you love me?” I ask.
Confusion flickers across his face. “What do you mean?”
“How can you love me?” I repeat. “This was supposed to be just for show, not real, fake …”Safe.Because once real feelings are involved, nothing is safe anymore.
Pain—real, unmitigated hurt—flashes across Theo’s face so fast I almost miss it. But then he’s calm again, simply nodding. “I’m sorry,” is all that comes out of his mouth.
“Don’t be sorry,” I cry, shaking my head. “I don’t want you to besorry.” The look on his face is breaking me apart. Theo, perfect,goodTheo, looking like his heart is shattering. Because of me. “I want you tonotlove me.” The words hitch on their way out of my mouth, caught on my own tears.
Theo simply stares me down, cocking his head slightly, and that look in his eyes is only making me cry harder. “Darling, I can’t do that.”
My chest hurts, I can’t breathe. This is all my fault. I should never have done this. I should never have agreed to the marriage, never should have kissed him, never should have had sex, met his parents, played house like we were playing with fire.
“I’m sorry, Theo.” I’m crying so hard now, the words are barely audible. I turn, leaving the room and running up the stairs. Once inside my room—the room I haven’t slept in for almost two weeks—I bury myself in my bed and cry.
Chapter twenty
Cora
Iabsentmindedlystirmychiliwith my spoon, staring down at it in utter disinterest. The bustle of the Thatcher Ranch cafeteria around me blurs into the background as I bite the inside of my lip.
“What, something wrong with it?” Addison asks, taking a seat beside me with her own bowl of chili. She glances at me worriedly. As one of the main cooks here on the ranch, I suppose her concern is warranted.
“Oh no, not at all,” I say quickly, forcing myself to take a bite. I’ve been practically sick to my stomach the last few days. Ever since Theo’s declaration of … well, love.
We didn’t really talk afterward. I simply moved back into my room across the hall. The last two days, Theo has been scarce at lunch time, and when we ride home together at the end of the day, it’s in silence.
“Hm,” Addison says, still looking at me strangely. “You okay?”
I shrug, but it’s been hard to hide the pit in my stomach, the sadness washing over me minute by minute.
“Just nervous for the green card interview,” I say.
“Oh, that’s right!” Addison perks up. “Tomorrow, right?”
I nod.
“What are you even nervous about?” She elbows me playfully before digging in to her chili.
I shrug again, shaking my head. “Nothing, just …”
“I’d wish you luck, but you two don’t need it—you’re in love.” Addison chuckles.
I force myself to smile and nod, still playing with my spoon in my chili.
It takes me a few seconds to realize that Addison hasn’t responded, and when I turn to her, she’s staring at me, her eyebrows scrunched.
“Cora, what’s wrong?” she asks evenly.
“Nothing, I …” I try to wave it off. “Just nervous is all.”
Addison pauses, and then, “Why?” Her tone is serious this time, inquisitive, not joking like earlier.
I shrug. “An interview with immigration is a big deal,” I say. And it’s true. Seems like a normal thing to be nervous about even if Theo and Iwerein love.
