Chapter Sixteen
LIAM DIDN’Twant to leave. Not right then and possibly not ever. But he had responsibilities, opportunities… he had somewhere to be.
And Ben wasn’t exactly begging him to stay. More like hustling him out the door, really. For the second time that weekend, and it was getting a bit old. Still, how to object without sounding whiney?
“Should I make you coffee?” Ben asked.He seemed far too chipper and cheerful for a middle-of-the-night conversation and leave taking. “I have lots of travel mugs, remember?”
“No, it’s fine. Stay in bed—sorry I woke you.”
“I wasn’t sleeping.” Ben shifted to the side of the bed, keeping the sheet carefully tucked around his waist as he groped for his pants. They were being modest around each other now?
Liam pulled his own jeans on,grimacing as the still-damp fabric slid over his skin. Damn, he wished he’d had the sense to hang them up so they’d have had a chance to dry. But, no, he guessed hedidn’treally wish that, because if he’d been calm enough to think of something so practical, it would have meant he wasn’t all that into what he was doing. And he had been pretty damn into it.
He turned quickly, found Ben by theside of the bed, sweatpants on, and took the one step to bring their bodies back close together, back where they should be. “I can come back tonight,” he said, reaching for Ben’s hand.
But Ben pulled away. “Oh. No, I don’t think so. I actually—I have plans tonight.”
“Oh.” Yeah, okay, that made sense. Ben had a life, after all. “So—when? Tomorrow? Because whatever we’re doing here, I want tokeep doing it. We should talk it through, I guess. I get that. But when? You must have some time before the weekend, right? Maybe I can hire a car to drive me, and I can sleep in the back seat or something.”
“No.” And Ben stepped even farther back, as far as he could go without climbing right up on the bedside table. “Actually—I’m seeing someone. I mean, I was seeing him, and then we took a bitof a break, but we’re having dinner tomorrow—well, today, now—and I’m pretty sure we’re getting back together. So, you know. This, with you? This was good. It was a good way to wrap things up, right? Leave it all on a positive note?” He smiled, and Liam realized that all the chipper cheerfulness was just an act, a candy coating on a bitter pill.
It shouldn’t have felt so wrong. He and Ben hadn’tbeen together forfifteen years. All of Liam’s adult life, really, because he’d just been a kid the last time. So this was—it was nothing big. It was a return to the status quo. The aching pit in his gut was imaginary.
“He’s… this other guy… you’re sure? What if it doesn’t work out?” Liam tried to find his own smile and was pretty sure it looked just as fake and desperate as Ben’s. “I don’t meanto wish bad luck on it or anything. But if it doesn’t work, or if you have dinner with him and realize he’s not quite what you’re looking for….”
Ben was quiet for a moment, then looked up and said, “If it doesn’t work out with him, I’ll find someone else for it to work out with. Not—not you.”
“What? Why? I mean, this—” Liam gestured at the bed, as if that was somehow enough of an illustrationof what he was trying to say. “This was good, wasn’t it?” But that wasn’t the important part. There were lots of people he could have sex with; there was only one Ben. “We can—we were good, before. We could try it again.”
“We weren’t good. If we’d been good, you wouldn’t have slept around and I wouldn’t have let you. And this, tonight? Sure. Sex. But there’s a hell of a lot more to it than justsex.” He shook his head. “No. This was a nice goodbye. It was a good end to something that dragged out way longer than it should have.”
He started moving, cautiously edging past Liam, who was too stunned to do anything to stop him. “I’ll make you some coffee for the road. And I have some muffins. I’ll give you one of those, and a couple pieces of fruit.” He was heading for the kitchen now, hisvoice fading as he moved away. “It’ll be like a little car picnic!”
A car picnic. Liam found the rest of his clothes and pulled them on. He had been dismissed. Again. This had been—he had no idea what it had been. He had no idea why he’d come to North Falls, why he’d gotten in contact with Ben, why he’dsleptwith Ben, or why he felt so damn shitty about leaving Ben. But he was absolutely damncertain he didn’t want Ben’s car picnic. So he pulled his shoes on, found his keys, and walked.
He didn’t sneak; Ben must have heard him coming down the hall, and he must have heard him bypassing the kitchen and heading for the front door. But Ben didn’t turn around, didn’t say anything, and neither did Liam. He just left.
It was over.
It had been dormant, it had started to regrow, and it hadbeen killed. And he didn’t even know what “it” was, exactly.
Didn’t matter, he told himself as he climbed into the car.
The street was still dark and deserted, and he let himself drive a little too fast as he headed out of town.
He was going back to the city, back to reality. Back to his career and his ambitions.
That was where he belonged.
Ben was right. It had been a nice goodbye. Liamhad been an idiot to think it could be more than that.
BEN WASan idiot. He’d known it all along. When he’d stood up on the porch and called Liam to him, he’d known what would happen, and he’d known it would hurt, and he’d done it anyway. Nothing to blame Liam for, not this time. Just his own stupidity.
He went back out on the porch, this time without the blanket that had kept him warmearlier in the evening, and stared into the night. Liam was gone. Ben hadtoldhim to go.
Because you had to. Because you can’t have that kind of instability in your life. You need peace, you need calm, you need…Kevin?
Well, that didn’t feel quite right, but there was no denying that Kevin was the path to stability.Kevinwouldn’t show up on Ben’s front walk past midnight on a school night,not unless he’d been invited and plans had been made for how to ensure that everyone still got enough sleep.
