“I’m not sure I acceptyourcriteria for what I cancount toward my travel adventures.”
“When we were seventeen you were going toliveabroad. You were going to teach in different countries or be a travel writer or—”
Ben didn’t want to play this game anymore. “You’re a good dad now, with one kid. You’ll be a good dad when you have two kids.”
But of course that shift was too sudden, and it combined with the unexpectedly kind words to let Sethknow Ben wanted the topic changed immediately. But Seth couldn’t just let it go. “When we were seventeen,” he said slowly, “you were going to live in all different countries and so was Liam. He was going to be an architect and take on international projects, and you were going to travel with him and be versatile and make your career work around his.”
“And, freed of that restraint, I’ve been ableto settle down like the routine-loving freak I am.”
“It’s not too late, you know.” Seth looked thoughtful. “Your pathological inability to commit to a long-term relationship has the useful side effect of you not being tied down. Might be time to grab hold of that silver lining and let the cloud—lift you up? Is that at all possible?”
“No. Clouds are collections of water vapor. They are not balloons.And they have no actual linings.”
“Pretty crappy metaphor, then, isn’t it?”
“To be fair,” Ben said, “I think you were stretching it much further than any metaphor deserves to be stretched.”
“A bit of stretching is good for things. Push them out of their comfort zone… no, crap, I can’t make that work either. I’m just not that great at metaphors.”
“Possibly no figurative language is needed.We could just say it straight out. You’re dissatisfied with how I’m living my life. My decisions don’t meet your expectations. You’d like me to be bolder, more adventurous.”
Seth nodded. “It’s kind of hard to live vicariously through you when you’re not doing anything interesting.”
“But it’s probably important that I live my life the way that’s best for me, rather than the way that’s best foryou. Wouldn’t you say?”
“No, I wouldn’t go that far.”
They took a little break then, both of them finishing their beers, starting new ones, and watching as the baseball game across the street deteriorated into chaos and mild violence.
Finally Seth said, “If this is the life you chose, and the life you want, then I’m happy for you and I’ll do my best to shut up. But if it’s the life you justkind of fell into because you were afraid to make different decisions? That’s no good.”
“My life is the same today as it was the day before yesterday. So why am I getting the big speech now?”
“You know why.”
“Because of Liam. But… what about him? Had you actually forgotten he existed or something? You saw him and it just twigged for you? Like, ‘Oh, yeah, this guy used to be one of my best friends,and he and my other best friend used to be together, but they broke up. Huh. That puts a whole new spin on things.’ Was that what happened?”
“No.” Seth picked at the label on his beer bottle for a little, then said, “I miss him. Seeing him—I guess that’s what it reminded me of. It made me sad to think how close we all used to be. I mean, the two of us here is good. It’s fine. But it used to bethe three of us.”
“The three of us used to hang out on this porch? Back when the Corrigans lived here? I don’t remember that.”
“You know what I mean. The three of us used to be friends.”
“You and I thought so, at least.” But Ben caught himself. “Or—fine, yeah, we were friends. He just didn’t—”Didn’t love me. Didn’t care enough to be faithful, or at least honest.He pushed himself to his feet.“Okay. This has been a fun little visit, but I’ve got dinner to make, marking to do, lessons to plan. And I think you might have some sort of responsibility elsewhere? Some sort of guilt-inducing, soul-crushing burden of love and pain that you need to get back to?”
Seth finished his beer. “Okay. Good talk. I feel like we really resolved a lot, here. We’ve got a positive action plan, moving forwardwith focus and determination. Excellent.”
“I’m focused and determined to make dinner, do some grading, and plan lessons.”
“Uncle Calvin’s going to want to talk to you.”
“Yeah, thanks for that. Sure is a good thing you didn’t keep your damn mouth shut.”
“He’s Uncle Calvin,” Seth said as if he actually thought it was a useful observation.
He left after that, setting off for the short walk tohis own house two blocks away, and Ben went inside to his small, functional kitchen. Inside his small, functional house and his small, functional life. Hehaddreamed of a larger world, back when he’d been a kid. He’d craved adventure and excitement.
Now? He was making a chicken breast and brown rice for one, wondering whether he should get crazy and add half a can of mushroom soup to the pot.Ooh, a casserole.
